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Old 04-05-2016, 12:10 PM
 
Location: Backwoods of Maine
7,120 posts, read 8,176,491 times
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Happened to my younger brother at age 62. He's 66 now.

Both he and his wife were (she still is) very materialistic and keep-up-with-the-Joneses types. He was a good earner, but living in Braintree Mass, their whole lives were quite costly. Once the kids were put through college and married off (e.g. tuition paid, weddings paid), it was pretty much over. She saw to it that she and the kids were well taken care of, and then dumped him.

Sorry if I seem bitter at this. He is my brother, and like all brothers, we've had disagreements all our lives. But sheesh...he worked hard to support her for 36 years, was a great dad, provided them with everything they wanted. He was not only devastated, but left homeless and in financial ruins. We have helped him to set up a place of his own here on our Maine land. He's still not dating.

Be aware that each half of a couple will grow all their lives, and often grow apart. So OK, you don't love each other any longer. But choosing divorce is (almost) always choosing financial setback, if not outright poverty. Seems to me that a "open" marriage would be preferable to a split. Even living in separate states would be preferable to a divorce.
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Old 04-05-2016, 01:06 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
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The thing I wonder/worry about is how the finances are handled by people living apart without dissolving the marriage. I would guess you have separate accounts and divvy things up but it does seem like there is an opening for one partner to spend everything (not necessarily beligerently or purposefully) and then lay claim to half of what is left (the other partner's accounts). I really hope it doesn't come to that.
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Old 04-05-2016, 01:46 PM
 
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RTB, my in-laws had separate accounts. They helped each other financially when needs arose. And they were there for each other physically when one was ill or needed help.

I was always told that it takes 2 to make a marriage and 1 to make a divorce.

Sending best wishes to you.
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Old 04-05-2016, 02:44 PM
 
7 posts, read 6,418 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by disconnected09 View Post
We have been married for 35 years. We both had busy, demanding jobs that took up most of our time and attention. After we retired and started spending a lot of time together, we figured out we really don't like each other very much. There are financial implications, of course. I was the primary breadwinner and hold the 401K and pension. Separating assets would be difficult. I would like to hear your experiences. Really don't want to spend the remainder of my life lonely and unhappy.
it usually sound like a difficult thing to deal with, but once your are out of that house, things start falling into place and you'll find yourself happier than before. Of course, this shall take some time to get used to. My parents decided to call it quits two years ago. It took my mom 5 months to start all over again and settle. Although they still meet during inevitable family gatherings; for instance they all attended my sister's wedding after they got divorced. You can always tell that their relationship is struggled, but each of them seems just fine with what they do.
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Old 04-05-2016, 02:56 PM
 
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A woman friend of mine, at age 81 had her 79 year old husband of 50 yrs divorce her because he wanted to go off and live with his gay lover boy. It could have been an easy 50-50 split, everything; he wanted no contest, but she got a hungry divorce lawyer who managed to milk over $25,000 out of both of them collectively. In the end it made no difference. Except they divided almost $25,000 less than they could have. Beware. If it's a clean cut divorce, first question out of your mouth to the prospective lawyer is "how much?"
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Old 04-05-2016, 04:06 PM
 
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disconnected09, OP, you mentioned not wanting to be lonely and unhappy. I just wanted to mention that after a divorce one can be lonely too. Many more men than women find a new significant other after divorce, though, particularly at your age.

And it is a particular kind of painful loneliness and set of emotions when one is married and still very lonely due to emotional distance, disharmony, sharing space of a dwelling but not sharing love, lack of compatibility, and even very active dislike.

I don't know divorce laws in your particular state, but there are many of us who feel that every adult female and male should financially support themselves, and I'm on the side of having your wife (and then ex-wife) mainly support herself financially.

You say you have been principal breadwinner....which may mean that your wife has worked outside of the home in a career or jobs, but that your salary was higher. And that is even more reason that she support herself if you do divorce. Every female and male should develop marketable skills in life so one can financially support oneself.

I don't see that you mention your age, other than after 60 as your thread title. I am in the contingency that believes men should not lose a great deal of their personal assets in any divorce, no matter the age of divorcing.

I'm of the contingency that a male should not be financially tethered to a former wife for life just because they were married at one point in time.

Last edited by matisse12; 04-05-2016 at 04:19 PM..
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Old 04-05-2016, 06:06 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,250 posts, read 8,581,033 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elliotgb View Post
....
Wish I had done it sooner.
With the younger babe, I am forced to keep myself in great shape and try to look my best.
And yes.....the finances being split are a beyatch!


Best of luck to all.............I've moved on and actually am starting to recoup most of my hearing (she was a screamer). Lol
Ha - on first read I thought you meant the "babe" was a screamer!
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Old 04-05-2016, 06:11 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,927 posts, read 2,889,408 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LookingatFL View Post
RTB, my in-laws had separate accounts. They helped each other financially when needs arose. And they were there for each other physically when one was ill or needed help.

I was always told that it takes 2 to make a marriage and 1 to make a divorce.

Sending best wishes to you.
Thanks. Rekindling romance (not just physical intimacy) is my first choice but it does take 2 for that.
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Old 04-05-2016, 07:24 PM
 
2,190 posts, read 1,710,884 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by josie13 View Post
I went through the whole late-in-life divorce ordeal, although I was aged less than 60. It felt like a nightmare from which I could not awaken. I was devasted emotionally and financially. The shock waves are still being felt by me and my children.

I wish we could have tried counseling and worked on staying together. But that was not what my spouse wanted to do. The whole experience was the most painful time of my life, and it lasted for years.

I would say do whatever you can to avoid it.
I could have written this (except for no kids, just dogs). I wish I could have been given the opportunity to work on my marriage, but he already left me.

Getting divorced later in life is VERY hard. I'm definitely not like Jill Clayburgh in the old movie "an unmarried woman".
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Old 04-05-2016, 08:13 PM
 
5,432 posts, read 3,467,201 times
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divorce at age 38 is excruciatingly painful
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