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Old 04-07-2016, 11:44 AM
 
Location: Seattle/Dahlonega
547 posts, read 388,030 times
Reputation: 1553

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Caltovegas View Post
Has anyone ever divorced their dog? It just sounds like a waste of time to go that long and then divorce.
I lost my dog in the divorce.
Ex wouldn't even let me see him.
Not even sure if he's still alive.
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Old 04-07-2016, 12:47 PM
 
Location: SC
1,962 posts, read 1,163,627 times
Reputation: 3190
I am hoping I don't have to make that choice. Again. It took me 10 long years to even consider dating again. Let alone re-marry.
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Old 04-07-2016, 01:10 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,876,213 times
Reputation: 6291
Quote:
Originally Posted by hurricane harry View Post
I lost my dog in the divorce.
Ex wouldn't even let me see him.
Not even sure if he's still alive.
A coworker lost a dog in a breakup. He got a knock on the door one day and the police were there to ask questions. The dog had died from internal injuries and been thrown in a dumpster. The dog had been chipped and my coworker was the contact. The story was that his ex's new bf had tackled the dog when it seemed to be trying to run off and came down on it harder than he meant to, then the dog laid down in his bed and went to sleep, then the next day would not waken and died. Very sad.
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Old 04-08-2016, 07:31 AM
 
Location: Birmingham, Alabama
2,056 posts, read 1,969,995 times
Reputation: 3533
I just think about all those promises that two married, presumably in love, people make to each other...

I'll be there for you always.
No one will ever take your place.
You are the only one ever in my life.

Etc.

What a waste to say those things, make the other one believe it, and then walk away. I've just got too much of me invested into the relationship to ever end it. She will have to be the one to do it.
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Old 04-08-2016, 07:44 AM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,876,213 times
Reputation: 6291
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashpelham View Post
I just think about all those promises that two married, presumably in love, people make to each other...

I'll be there for you always.
No one will ever take your place.
You are the only one ever in my life.

Etc.

What a waste to say those things, make the other one believe it, and then walk away. I've just got too much of me invested into the relationship to ever end it. She will have to be the one to do it.
The flip side is that a lot of people are going unhappily through life only because they said things like that and have a deep seated belief that they need to stand by them no matter what. That also seems like a waste. To me, the words mean a lot and I will do everything I can to make it work for both of us. I guess a lot comes down to what "works" means.
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Old 04-08-2016, 07:47 AM
 
71,490 posts, read 71,674,131 times
Reputation: 49074
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashpelham View Post
I just think about all those promises that two married, presumably in love, people make to each other...

I'll be there for you always.
No one will ever take your place.
You are the only one ever in my life.

Etc.

What a waste to say those things, make the other one believe it, and then walk away. I've just got too much of me invested into the relationship to ever end it. She will have to be the one to do it.
until death do we part is not just a wedding vow-it is a goal
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Old 04-08-2016, 08:20 AM
 
6,306 posts, read 5,046,206 times
Reputation: 12810
Quote:
Originally Posted by ReachTheBeach View Post
The flip side is that a lot of people are going unhappily through life only because they said things like that and have a deep seated belief that they need to stand by them no matter what. That also seems like a waste. To me, the words mean a lot and I will do everything I can to make it work for both of us. I guess a lot comes down to what "works" means.
But who came up with that, when and why?

There was a segment on 60 Minutes about relationships in Finland or some Nordic country and their marriage habits - very few get married. All seem happy. Open marriages, single moms. They don't think marriage is necessary to be a good parent or good partner.
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Old 04-08-2016, 10:08 AM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,876,213 times
Reputation: 6291
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
But who came up with that, when and why?

There was a segment on 60 Minutes about relationships in Finland or some Nordic country and their marriage habits - very few get married. All seem happy. Open marriages, single moms. They don't think marriage is necessary to be a good parent or good partner.
I think this is all about expectations and perceptions. They went into it not expecting any guarantee of a life partner so their expectations were met. Your perception is that they are happy but I would wager they are all over the map in how happy they are, just like married couples are. I think that a lot of people give up too easily and end the marriage while there is still hope but I think there are also a lot of people staying together without any hope of the relationship getting back on track. The hardest part for me is being completely open about the things that make me unhappy; I care very much that revealing some things hurts my partner. that's a very difficult dance.
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Old 04-08-2016, 10:57 AM
 
39,214 posts, read 20,338,563 times
Reputation: 12737
Quote:
Originally Posted by josie13 View Post
I went through the whole late-in-life divorce ordeal, although I was aged less than 60. It felt like a nightmare from which I could not awaken. I was devasted emotionally and financially. The shock waves are still being felt by me and my children.

I wish we could have tried counseling and worked on staying together. But that was not what my spouse wanted to do. The whole experience was the most painful time of my life, and it lasted for years.

I would say do whatever you can to avoid it.
I think people would avoid it if they could but many times there is one "partner" that has no consideration for the other, as if they actually think that only their happiness matters, the other will just have to realize that. The unhappy partner asks, fights, asks again, practically begging, pleads more and eventually threatens divorce and the other doesn't believe them and continues as they've always done.

Finally the unhappy one starts to give up, they shut up, and the offender is in heaven, they are getting what they want, silence and still don't show consideration. The inconsiderate one is of course happy. Then one day the unhappy one presents the happy one with divorce papers and of course he is shocked even though hes been told many times... go figure. He then makes claims that he'll change. But by then, there is too much resentment, and IF the unhappy one gives it another shot, it typicallly goes back to the way it was before. Sometimes there is too much resentment and the unhappy one can't find it in their heart to believe the other hence divorce.

Sometimes the only thing that can wake the inconsiderate "happy one" up is divorce but then it's too late.

I've see it many times. If you know how to pry the mind of the "happy one" open let everyone in on your secret. Then the marriage can be saved.

Last edited by petch751; 04-08-2016 at 11:11 AM..
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Old 04-08-2016, 11:30 AM
 
3,093 posts, read 1,717,786 times
Reputation: 3459
Quote:
Originally Posted by ControlJohnsons View Post
my neighbor is a NJ housewife who's in her 70's. and she's gone thru tons of surgery, got divorced 10 years ago, and looks ugly as sin. when she speaks, she yaps or barks, with a thick New Yawk New Joisey accent. it hurts my ears, my kids have names for her but i can't say here.
.??? Are you implying had she not divorced she would not be as you describe?
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