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Old 04-08-2016, 11:35 AM
 
3,162 posts, read 1,741,488 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ReachTheBeach View Post
I think this is all about expectations and perceptions. They went into it not expecting any guarantee of a life partner so their expectations were met. Your perception is that they are happy but I would wager they are all over the map in how happy they are, just like married couples are. I think that a lot of people give up too easily and end the marriage while there is still hope but I think there are also a lot of people staying together without any hope of the relationship getting back on track. The hardest part for me is being completely open about the things that make me unhappy; I care very much that revealing some things hurts my partner. that's a very difficult dance.
I find we need a periodic regrouping to discuss our marriage. Why each of us is unhappy, make needed adjustments in behaviour and response, and move on. After a period of time it requires another tune up.
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Old 04-08-2016, 12:09 PM
 
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ashpelham,

Those vows said during a marriage ceremony apparently mean nothing and have meant nothing for many decades.....among a large percentage of people in the U.S.....since almost 50 percent of people get divorced....

That figure may have gone down to 46 or 48 percent more recently. And an even larger percentage than 50 percent of 2nd marriages fail.

At least one person in all divorces does not wish to stick to marriage vows. Many times it is just one person in a marriage who no longer wishes to continue.

With no fault divorce, a marriage partner can leave for any reason whatsoever....being tired of the partner is often the reason.

Last edited by matisse12; 04-08-2016 at 12:35 PM..
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Old 04-08-2016, 12:43 PM
 
Location: USA
1,815 posts, read 2,249,280 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ReachTheBeach View Post
A coworker lost a dog in a breakup. He got a knock on the door one day and the police were there to ask questions. The dog had died from internal injuries and been thrown in a dumpster. The dog had been chipped and my coworker was the contact. The story was that his ex's new bf had tackled the dog when it seemed to be trying to run off and came down on it harder than he meant to, then the dog laid down in his bed and went to sleep, then the next day would not waken and died. Very sad.


This is one of the saddest things I've ever read. My heart aches for you
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Old 04-08-2016, 12:53 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,935 posts, read 2,894,257 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red On The Noodle View Post
This is one of the saddest things I've ever read. My heart aches for you
It was a coworker, not me personally. It was pretty hard on him in a two fold way. Besides the loss of the dog, it really changed the way he looked back on the relationship and his ex as a person. It wasn't just that she had been okay with her new bf just dumping the dog; she did not want to get involved in the investigation and was angry that he provided the police with her name and contact information. It made him feel like he really hadn't known her and put a completely different filter on all of his memories of the time spent with her; a dark filter.
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Old 04-08-2016, 12:56 PM
 
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That's a very interesting psychological state you describe, ReachTheBeach, which struck your co-worker.

Feeling as if he hadn't really known his ex-wife and putting a completely different filter on all of his memories....a dark filter.
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Old 04-08-2016, 01:20 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
That's a very interesting psychological state you describe, ReachTheBeach, which struck your co-worker.

Feeling as if he hadn't really known his ex-wife and putting a completely different filter on all of his memories....a dark filter.
It was an ex gf. I want to say it was more than a year living together, maybe more than 2. It was long enough that they were a "known couple" around the office (invitations and whatever).
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Old 04-08-2016, 01:37 PM
 
Location: NE Mississippi
13,771 posts, read 8,641,649 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ReachTheBeach
A coworker lost a dog in a breakup. He got a knock on the door one day and the police were there to ask questions. The dog had died from internal injuries and been thrown in a dumpster. The dog had been chipped and my coworker was the contact. The story was that his ex's new bf had tackled the dog when it seemed to be trying to run off and came down on it harder than he meant to, then the dog laid down in his bed and went to sleep, then the next day would not waken and died. Very sad.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Red On The Noodle View Post
This is one of the saddest things I've ever read. My heart aches for you
Yeah. And the part about "tackling the dog" to save it is a crock. Something else happened. People who love dogs don't put them in a dumpster.
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Old 04-08-2016, 01:42 PM
 
Location: NE Mississippi
13,771 posts, read 8,641,649 times
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Back to the "divorce after 60" question:

I know of a few cases where the man was told that if he wanted to experience life after 60, then he'd better just shut up and go along. Evidently some women have pretty strong feelings about being dumped when they get older.
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Old 04-08-2016, 01:56 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,935 posts, read 2,894,257 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Listener2307 View Post
Back to the "divorce after 60" question:

I know of a few cases where the man was told that if he wanted to experience life after 60, then he'd better just shut up and go along. Evidently some women have pretty strong feelings about being dumped when they get older.
I would much prefer "let's make this work together" to "shut up and go along". The latter is exactly what I do not want.

Reminds me of a supposed Lady Astor and Churchill exchange...
"If you were my husband I would put poison in your coffee. "
"If you were my wife I would gladly drink it!"
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Old 04-08-2016, 03:13 PM
 
2,634 posts, read 1,127,051 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cb2008 View Post
I find we need a periodic regrouping to discuss our marriage. Why each of us is unhappy, make needed adjustments in behaviour and response, and move on. After a period of time it requires another tune up.
I have an uncle who got divorced a few years ago after something like 30 years of marriage. After that experience, he said that marriage should be like leasing a car. First, sign up for 5 years. Then nearing the end of the initial period, the couple would sit down and discuss if they want to sign on for another 5.
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