U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-05-2016, 08:17 AM
 
1 posts, read 2,149 times
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

We have been married for 35 years. We both had busy, demanding jobs that took up most of our time and attention. After we retired and started spending a lot of time together, we figured out we really don't like each other very much. There are financial implications, of course. I was the primary breadwinner and hold the 401K and pension. Separating assets would be difficult. I would like to hear your experiences. Really don't want to spend the remainder of my life lonely and unhappy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-05-2016, 08:38 AM
 
Location: Close to an earthquake
890 posts, read 678,635 times
Reputation: 2390
FIL and MIL got divorced after 50+ years of marriage and I was shocked. Clients of mine got divorced after about 53 years of marriage. In the FIL/MIL case, modest means, FIL continued to live frugal and does fine living of SS only of about $800/month (unbelievable) while MIL blew it all and now struggles.

Clients have more means and it's a nasty fight still in progress with greedy adult children trying to position to inherit. The nastiest of the nasty I've seen in many years.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-05-2016, 09:16 AM
 
1,227 posts, read 1,261,865 times
Reputation: 4310
My late MIL and FIL took a different route. They didn't like each other much either. MIL lived in a condo in FL. FIL lived in an apartment in CT. They visited each other every so often and found they could tolerate each other this way. If either had an emergency, the other flew in to help. They had separate friends and separate lives but nothing had to be split. They called it "living apart together". It is not as rare as you might think.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-05-2016, 09:32 AM
 
Location: SW Corner of CT
1,950 posts, read 1,541,028 times
Reputation: 2438
Quote:
Originally Posted by LookingatFL View Post
My late MIL and FIL took a different route. They didn't like each other much either. MIL lived in a condo in FL. FIL lived in an apartment in CT. They visited each other every so often and found they could tolerate each other this way. If either had an emergency, the other flew in to help. They had separate friends and separate lives but nothing had to be split. They called it "living apart together". It is not as rare as you might think.
My parents were the same way....divorced, but still said "My Husband" & "My Wife", and Dad paid child support, even though he did not have to, till Mom passed....always there for each other....loved each other, just couldn't live under the same roof. To the OP, if there ANY kids involved, keep it civil, and remember, at one time, there was love, and still can be, just not as husband and wife.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-05-2016, 10:03 AM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,882,516 times
Reputation: 6291
Quote:
Originally Posted by LookingatFL View Post
My late MIL and FIL took a different route. They didn't like each other much either. MIL lived in a condo in FL. FIL lived in an apartment in CT. They visited each other every so often and found they could tolerate each other this way. If either had an emergency, the other flew in to help. They had separate friends and separate lives but nothing had to be split. They called it "living apart together". It is not as rare as you might think.
Sometimes I wonder if I am headed that way. My wife does not want to live in FL, which I could easily see as a retirement destination but she is oddly supportive of the idea of a small snowbird place like a travel trailer in an RV park or a manufactured home in a community. The reason I say oddly supportive is she does not like small spaces at all (some manufactured homes are decent sized, though) and the little bit we have talked about it all of her questions and suggestions are about what I want and is really vague when I ask her about what she wants. Very few conversations about it to base this on but there is that other part of the whole issue; there isn't much of a relationship besides roommates that share teen parenting duties these days (and hasn't been for a while). No fire of either kind lately; we don't fight but we don't, well... Anyway, I would prefer things warmed up for us again but if they don't I can see how this might happen.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-05-2016, 10:04 AM
 
825 posts, read 566,016 times
Reputation: 2603
I went through the whole late-in-life divorce ordeal, although I was aged less than 60. It felt like a nightmare from which I could not awaken. I was devasted emotionally and financially. The shock waves are still being felt by me and my children.

I wish we could have tried counseling and worked on staying together. But that was not what my spouse wanted to do. The whole experience was the most painful time of my life, and it lasted for years.

I would say do whatever you can to avoid it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-05-2016, 10:10 AM
 
Location: RVA
2,172 posts, read 1,270,292 times
Reputation: 4492
My parents got divorced at 65. Mother was addicted to gambling and cigarettes. Father resented his hard work retirement blowing out the window, so he filed while his parents were still alive, split the sale of the house 50-50 and let her have 3/4s of the savings. He knew he would end up with more after inheriting from his mother, and did. Mom blew most of everything, but died from COPD complications at 68, so it wasnt all hone and she never experienced poverty. Dad is happier now than I ever saw him the last 20 years they were married.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-05-2016, 10:41 AM
 
Location: Seattle/Dahlonega
547 posts, read 388,870 times
Reputation: 1553
Divorced at 53 after 23 year marriage. Not my idea and here in Washington I got taken to the cleaners. Set my retirement back by a few years. Don't do it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-05-2016, 11:22 AM
 
197 posts, read 161,121 times
Reputation: 1122
I have been divorced two years after 42 years of marriage to a good person.

We have both moved on to happier relationships although not with each other, unfortunately.

Grown up children were angry too but it was not their decision to make. I was the catalyst and I have no regrets.

Having the financial means to do this after the age of sixty is key to its feasibility. Many simply do not have the means to take this step.

Divorce among the older population is the most rapidly growing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-05-2016, 11:44 AM
 
761 posts, read 639,640 times
Reputation: 2229
Quote:
Originally Posted by borninsac View Post
FIL and MIL got divorced after 50+ years of marriage and I was shocked. Clients of mine got divorced after about 53 years of marriage. In the FIL/MIL case, modest means, FIL continued to live frugal and does fine living of SS only of about $800/month (unbelievable) while MIL blew it all and now struggles.

Clients have more means and it's a nasty fight still in progress with greedy adult children trying to position to inherit. The nastiest of the nasty I've seen in many years.
I am going through this right now. Hindsight is 20/20 and obviously if I had known what was in store for me I would have never gotten married in the 1st place.


32 years of marriage and not a great one.
Separated now going on a year and in NC that's good enough for divorce to proceed.
During the course of the marriage I was alone more than together as my wife is an incurable workaholic and always placed work before everything else: the order was Work, Her family, dogs and then me.


I refied a small place we had on a Lake, just got job eliminated at 62.9 years old, met a younger 38 year old, sexual, sensual woman who doesn't have ice water in her veins and has told me that she loves me more in 5 months than I heard in 32 years married.


Wish I had done it sooner.
With the younger babe, I am forced to keep myself in great shape and try to look my best.
And yes.....the finances being split are a beyatch!


Best of luck to all.............I've moved on and actually am starting to recoup most of my hearing (she was a screamer). Lol

Last edited by elliotgb; 04-05-2016 at 12:03 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top