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Old 04-18-2016, 04:55 PM
 
26,122 posts, read 28,514,332 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveinMtAiry View Post
It is so nice of you to make that decision for a single mother without a college degree who needs to put food on the table by any means necessary. I'm sure she appreciates that you are simply looking out for her best interest.
Which brings up a whole other elephant in the room no one wants to talk about---our 40% out of wedlock birth rate--totally unsustainable. No wonder the middle class is shrinking. Even some liberals are admitting this is a serious problem:

....a wealth of research strongly suggests that marriage is good for children. Those who live with their biological parents do better in school and are less likely to get pregnant or arrested. They have lower rates of suicide, achieve higher levels of education and earn more as adults. Meanwhile, children who spend time in single-parent families are more likely to misbehave, get sick, drop out of high school and be unemployed.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opini...JqU_story.html

I sometimes want to be a hermit as a result of the abandonment of what used to be considered basic middle class values by Americans of all political persuasions.
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Old 04-18-2016, 04:59 PM
Status: "Support the Mining Law of 1872" (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Cody, WY
9,583 posts, read 10,930,257 times
Reputation: 19225
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Well, I don't know about "no one" but I wouldn't feel comfortable either if a total stranger wanted to sit at my table at a restaurant. Indeed it's assuming a lot to think that if someone is sitting alone that the person would like a "remedy" for the situation. If someone sees me sitting alone at a restaurant (a frequent occurrence) they would have no way to know that I have lots of face-to-face interaction with other people most days of the week and I'm not seeking more. Saturday afternoon I took a female cousin of mine to a concert at Disney Hall; at other times I attend concerts there alone. It varies and I'm fine with that variation.

This thread has proven that the amount of interaction we wish for is quite variable. I confess I do not underrstand if the preferred amount is zero but my understanding is not the be-all and end-all for other people's behavior.
I'm generally friendly to people. I enjoy talking with tourists. If someone had come over and asked me where to get a Wall Street Journal in town I would have happilty told the person. It's actually happened in that same restaurant.

What I dislike intensely is having my space invaded because someone is bored or lonely and seeks free entertainment.
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Old 04-18-2016, 05:06 PM
eok
 
6,684 posts, read 3,172,693 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy in Wyoming View Post
Leave people alone. No one wants your company.
If they're human, maybe not. But what if they're a coyote, wolf, bear, mountain lion, or some such animal? Would they not want to join you at your table and taste a bite of your burger? Or would the coyote's singing be too loud at such close range?
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Old 04-18-2016, 05:25 PM
Status: "Support the Mining Law of 1872" (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Cody, WY
9,583 posts, read 10,930,257 times
Reputation: 19225
Quote:
Originally Posted by eok View Post
If they're human, maybe not. But what if they're a coyote, wolf, bear, mountain lion, or some such animal? Would they not want to join you at your table and taste a bite of your burger? Or would the coyote's singing be too loud at such close range?
I feed animals. The rabbits wait for me every day to getbring out their carrots. It's bad for the safety of some animals to feed them near home because they then become comfortable and will visit others. This leads to death for many of them. I won't be the cause of that.
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Old 04-18-2016, 07:58 PM
 
2,502 posts, read 1,547,129 times
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Great thread. First of all, for most people the word "hermit" definitely has a negative connotation; it brings to mind an older man or woman with dirty hair, etc. living in a ramshackle cabin somewhere in the woods, isolated from everyone. Sure, there are hermits like that but they are extreme examples - this does not typically describe most people who like keeping to themselves.

Back in the '90's I remember visiting a distant elderly relative whose husband had passed years before; during this visit, she laughed & gleefully stated that she had become a hermit

I'm in my mid-40's, live & work in a major metropolitan city where I need to interact with people on a daily basis; I enjoy dating women casually & sometimes have them spend the weekend at my place (or vice-versa). So, I don't consider myself a hermit...yet.

However, I guess I do exhibit some of the characteristics of a hermit - i.e., even though I like women, I have 0 interest in getting married & having a family - or even any kind of co-habitation; I've been living alone for 20 years, and can't imagine living any other way. I've also noticed that the older I get, the less time I want to spend on cultivating friendships. I have enough interaction with people on a daily basis that's a result of necessity, so don't really need or want to spend a lot of time with other people on a social level by choice. What adds to this is that several so called "friends" have become increasingly obnoxious & irritating in recent years, which makes me want to avoid them instead of seek them out.

When I retire, I would like to move to a large metropolitan area with great public transportation where I wouldn't need a car to get around; I would want easy access to grocery stores, doctors, and entertainment. As was said, if you want to be a hermit the best way to do this is to live in a big city where you can disappear into the crowd....

Obviously, though, there are some married couples who consider themselves hermits to some extent - so you don't have to be single to be a hermit.

Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 04-18-2016 at 08:27 PM..
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Old 04-18-2016, 09:55 PM
 
2,502 posts, read 1,547,129 times
Reputation: 5349
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
Well, I don't know about "no one" but I wouldn't feel comfortable either if a total stranger wanted to sit at my table at a restaurant. Indeed it's assuming a lot to think that if someone is sitting alone that the person would like a "remedy" for the situation. If someone sees me sitting alone at a restaurant (a frequent occurrence) they would have no way to know that I have lots of face-to-face interaction with other people most days of the week and I'm not seeking more.
Yes - there's a lot of truth to this. There's nothing wrong with someone sitting alone & eating at a restaurant. If you ever see anyone like that, they probably want to be left alone; I actually think it's a sign of confidence for someone to sit & eat by themselves.

Plus, everyone is so wrapped up in their I-phones these days that if you did sit down at their table, they probably wouldn't even look up to acknowledge you

Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 04-18-2016 at 10:20 PM..
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Old 04-18-2016, 10:03 PM
 
5,446 posts, read 2,833,486 times
Reputation: 10204
Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveinMtAiry View Post
LOL. She did notice me looking at her and maybe I made her uncomrtable. I mean my idea is kind of a weird thing to do.
Yeah, it is weird. Creepy weird.
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Old 04-18-2016, 10:06 PM
 
5,446 posts, read 2,833,486 times
Reputation: 10204
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy in Wyoming View Post
There's a local restaurant where the customer places his order at the counter and a staff member brings it to the table. It's not a fast food restaurant so all meals are prepared to order. They have excellent food.

I went there for a late lunch one day and was sitting at a table reading while waiting for my order. An older man, almost certainly a tourist, walked over and asked if he might sit down to keep other tables clear. I told him that there were plenty of free tables. He kept telling me that he would like to sit with me. I stood up and told him in a loud voice that could be heard in the entire restaurant to get away from me. He walked away to the counter to place his order; the owner walked over to him and told him to leave.

Leave people alone. No one wants your company.
It is OK to ask once, but his persistence in horning in after you refused is too much. Ewwww.
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Old 04-18-2016, 10:45 PM
Status: "Support the Mining Law of 1872" (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Cody, WY
9,583 posts, read 10,930,257 times
Reputation: 19225
Quote:
Originally Posted by pikabike View Post
It is OK to ask once, but his persistence in horning in after you refused is too much. Ewwww.
There was a real feel of creepiness.
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Old 04-19-2016, 01:17 AM
 
Location: Macao
15,945 posts, read 36,180,478 times
Reputation: 9483
Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
We've all read stories or known people that turned into hermits later in life. I have an uncle who was an electrical engineer for GM for years. He worked on the Apollo program and helped develop the onboard computers for that, or at least that's what I was told. A lot of his work was military as he could never talk about it. He'd had it kind of rough. Had a wife and three kids when he was young, but she was a classic gold digger and dumped him for another guy after she had the kids. So he got stuck with the check.

He was the classic quiet egg head nurd type guy. Never remarried. Then when he retired, he moved to the north woods of Wis. We didn't hear too much from him after that. Getting close to that retirement age myself now, I'm getting less tolerant of people, our materialistic society and its screwed up lifestyles. Withdrawing from society has a lot more appeal than it used to. Becoming a hermit is more understandable. Anyone else considered this or done it?
As an American abroad, I think that 'America' in general is very conducive to being a hermit.

These days, most people hole up in some oversized house, and there is an overwhelming desire for people to spread out in the further reaches of suburbs, to be as extremely car-dependent as possible.

The American way in general is to spend your social interactions limited to a drive-thru or a Wal-Mart cashier exchange. Everything else is in the car with the radio, or at home with the TV.

It's just the entire society. The bigger challenge in the U.S. is for someone to try to get interaction with people, which usually involves D.U.I.'s (driving under the influence) or drug addiction (one of the few acceptable ways people can interact with each other in the United States). Those that socialize in those manners, are more likely to end up in jail or prison though.

The entire society is created for hermits, but not much for social human beings.
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