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Old 04-19-2016, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,954 posts, read 7,391,767 times
Reputation: 16283

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy in Wyoming View Post
You're saying that I have no right to have lunch without being disturbed and annoyed? That the owner shouldn't expel people who are causing trouble for patrons?

What would you have done in my situation?
I obviously wasn't there, BUT:

Yes you have a right to eat or not eat with anyone. It's the manner you used that was so dam* rude and the fact that you don't understand that says a lot. The fact that the owner handled it that way just sucks.

This man could have been looking for company and may have been embarrassed when you ripped him a new one. Most people would be. He went away and then that owner just made it worse. Let me guess: After the man left, probably humiliated, I bet you all just blab blab blabbed about your right to eat alone.

Shows total lack of anything resembling manners or compassion.

Everything I just wrote may mean nothing to you - it could be a small town Wyoming thing. Perhaps you might keep in mind that this guy could have been on the edge - and packing. The behavior that both you and that (god awful) owner displayed would have been enough to push him over that edge. You-just-never-know.

If politeness doesn't come naturally you might want to think about that next time. It's very easy to politely say you would like to eat alone.

The owner should have kept his nose out of it.
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Old 04-19-2016, 04:02 PM
Status: "Support the Mining Law of 1872" (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Cody, WY
9,572 posts, read 10,920,803 times
Reputation: 19200
Quote:
Originally Posted by Umbria View Post
bb

I obviously wasn't there, BUT:

Yes you have a right to eat or not eat with anyone. It's the manner you used that was so dam* rude and the fact that you don't understand that says a lot. The fact that the owner handled it that way just sucks.

This man could have been looking for company and may have been embarrassed when you ripped him a new one. Most people would be. He went away and then that owner just made it worse. Let me guess: After the man left, probably humiliated, I bet you all just blab blab blabbed about your right to eat alone.

Shows total lack of anything resembling manners or compassion.

Everything I just wrote may mean nothing to you - it could be a small town Wyoming thing. Perhaps you might keep in mind that this guy could have been on the edge - and packing. The behavior that both you and that (god awful) owner displayed would have been enough to push him over that edge. You-just-never-know.

If politeness doesn't come naturally you might want to think about that next time. It's very easy to politely say you would like to eat alone.
Reread my post. I was polite until he began to harass me. Once he was gone I resumed my reading and the owner resumed his cooking. I purposely eat in restaurants at times when I know that they're not busy.

What happened could have happened in New York City, Cairo, or anyplace else you'd care to name. It was, however, a unique experience for me. I must point out that I spent the first twenty-four years of my life in the Chicago area. My dining experiences have not been limited to ''small town Wyoming.''

Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy in Wyoming View Post
There's a local restaurant where the customer places his order at the counter and a staff member brings it to the table. It's not a fast food restaurant so all meals are prepared to order. They have excellent food.

I went there for a late lunch one day and was sitting at a table reading while waiting for my order. An older man, almost certainly a tourist, walked over and asked if he might sit down to keep other tables clear. I told him that there were plenty of free tables. He kept telling me that he would like to sit with me. I stood up and told him in a loud voice that could be heard in the entire restaurant to get away from me. He walked away to the counter to place his order; the owner walked over to him and told him to leave.

Leave people alone. No one wants your company.
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Old 04-22-2016, 06:02 AM
 
7,979 posts, read 11,659,551 times
Reputation: 10473
As Escort Rider mentioned there are hermits by choice but probably very few. I think its a mistake, one perpetrated by society/the group/the tribe what have you to look at hermits and think its entirely their concscious choice. But that's what happens, the get "blamed" for being alone.
Far more often, IMO, it rests in how society is reacting to and has treated that individual. The hermit is usually a result of that action not a choice. Sometimes perhaps the hermit individual is seeing a problem when there is none but not mostly. The have either been cut out of the herd for some unknown reason or they have left the herd because they can't find a place there.

Sometimes those are related to some mental or emotional issue like agoraphobia or some other borderline personality issue. Often nothing particularly bad but hermits are usually single (I know we have some couples here) and there is a definite bias against people who are a little different. People who are introverts and need some alone time typically get some of that bias. People can get very black and white about it - of well if they want to be alone let them alone! If they are married it cuts down on the bias (regardless of age). It gets worse for older single people. Or maybe older single women as that's my experience. So anything that raises a "red flag" (like being single) and people won't engage. So...hermit not by choice but default.

Sometimes society as a group just cuts people out for no discernible reason. Sometimes you can see that in families where one sibling just gets pushed around or ignored or otherwise not treated equally, but from an outside point of view you can't see why because the other sibs aren't perfect either right? Other times you see it at work, one rumor, one person who says something and it gets around and people avoid that person and there isn't any reason too. I've seen it in animals too. One hen that gets picked on by the other chickens when you can't find any deformity or behavior or other reason.

I see the most egregious wacky and/or bad behavior by extroverts, yet they all have friends! It makes no sense to me. A perfectly wonderfully nice introvert can be seen as "weird" and not worth having as a friend but an extrovert with all sorts of issues will have lots.

Sometimes they are reacting to painful events. Abused childhoods, some abuse as adults. An event that causes them to need to retreat.

In my view people are mammals. Animals. They often do act in response to their "lizard brain" and a herd mentality. They want to fit in and many won't risk reaching out to someone who is not considered part of the mainstream herd, someone a little different. Next thing you know that person is living alone in their little house and having trouble finding friends.

I like quiet and quiet activities. I don't like crowds. I do like/need a fair amount of alone time.
But I like having a few friends to spend time with and I have trouble finding that. I live my life close to being a hermit and that will probably get worse when I quit work. But that's not my choice.

Last edited by Giesela; 04-22-2016 at 07:23 AM..
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Old 04-22-2016, 08:30 AM
 
Location: Central NY
4,666 posts, read 3,241,188 times
Reputation: 11937
riginally Posted by Happy in Wyoming There's a local restaurant where the customer places his order at the counter and a staff member brings it to the table. It's not a fast food restaurant so all meals are prepared to order. They have excellent food.

I went there for a late lunch one day and was sitting at a table reading while waiting for my order. An older man, almost certainly a tourist, walked over and asked if he might sit down to keep other tables clear. I told him that there were plenty of free tables. He kept telling me that he would like to sit with me. I stood up and told him in a loud voice that could be heard in the entire restaurant to get away from me. He walked away to the counter to place his order; the owner walked over to him and told him to leave.

Leave people alone. No one wants your company.


First of all, I have not read all of the posts regarding this topic. But after reading the above and then reading some of what followed, I am in support of you and what you did.

You told the older man you did not want his company. How many times do we have to say something like that to be heard? You wanted your meal and peace and quiet while reading. And this guy just couldn't take no for an answer. I consider what he did to you a form of harassment. And I am not so sure the owner did the wrong thing. The guy was obviously a pest and the owner may have decided he didn't want him bothering the other patrons. I'm assuming you are somewhat of a "regular" in this restaurant and he did not want to lose a good customer.

Regarding him "being on the edge and possibly packing." I bet he was packing, but not a gun.

Just my 2 cents, FWIW.
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Old 04-22-2016, 09:14 AM
 
1,706 posts, read 1,224,185 times
Reputation: 4829
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy in Wyoming View Post
I told him that there were plenty of free tables. He kept telling me that he would like to sit with me. I stood up and told him in a loud voice that could be heard in the entire restaurant to get away from me. He walked away to the counter to place his order; the owner walked over to him and told him to leave.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Umbria View Post

Yes you have a right to eat or not eat with anyone. It's the manner you used that was so dam* rude and the fact that you don't understand that says a lot. The fact that the owner handled it that way just sucks.

This man could have been looking for company and may have been embarrassed when you ripped him a new one. Most people would be. He went away and then that owner just made it worse. Let me guess: After the man left, probably humiliated, I bet you all just blab blab blabbed about your right to eat alone.

If politeness doesn't come naturally you might want to think about that next time. It's very easy to politely say you would like to eat alone.

The owner should have kept his nose out of it.
I often eat alone in all types of restaurants. I would not expect to be approached by someone asking to share my table so as not to take up another table. And if I said that I wished to be left alone I expect that to be respected. Period. Anyone who persists is the one being rude and disrespectful.

Furthermore, it is the manager's job to ensure the comfort and safety of all his customers. If he felt a customer was being harassed (which sounds like what was happening), then it is on the manager to intercede.

BTW- I have lived all over this country and traveled abroad, and I cannot imagine being in a situation where I would be expected to share a table with someone simply not to appear "rude". So, no, it isn't a Wyoming thing. In this day and age I am surprised that it would be considered rude to request to be left to dine alone.

Last edited by twelvepaw; 04-22-2016 at 09:27 AM..
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Old 04-22-2016, 09:39 AM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,877,558 times
Reputation: 6291
When someone asks to share my table when others are available, 90% of the time they will try to sell me something or convert me to their religion (but I repeat myself ). So even though I am a pretty friendly person, I decline.

EDIT - I have had someone give me a good reason - they needed to watch for someone coming in or wanted to see the game on the TV facing an open seat at my table (this happens a fair amount at sports bars) and I am fine with that.

Last edited by ReachTheBeach; 04-22-2016 at 09:47 AM..
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Old 04-22-2016, 09:42 AM
 
1,706 posts, read 1,224,185 times
Reputation: 4829
While not quite a "hermit" in the traditional sense, I prefer to stay grounded in what is meaningful and true to my sense of self, and not participate in activities simply for the sake of convention. I did not inherit the "social" gene from my mother; small talk, parties, clubs, a day shopping at the mall don't interest me in the least. I prefer one or two good flesh and blood friends, my dogs, puttering in the garden, reading, and working with clients over the superficial nonsense that makes up so much of contemporary social life.

I have always said that my perfect home would consist of a small cottage homestead in the middle of 100 acres. At this point in my life, that concept has been adjusted downward to fit my budget, but my desire for solitude, serenity, and contentment remains.
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Old 04-22-2016, 09:47 AM
 
Location: New Mexico
6,561 posts, read 3,662,092 times
Reputation: 12338
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy in Wyoming View Post
Leave people alone. No one wants your company.
Probably true for the most part. People who go alone into a bar or restaurant will sometimes seek out a stool at the counter or bar and will chat with others at the bar. It's more of a social setting. If they avoid the stool at the counter or bar and choose to sit alone at a table they should probably be left alone unless they initiate a conversation. The i-Phone is a surrogate companion for many people who would, in many cases otherwise, actually find their surroundings and fellow pilgrims quite interesting.


I live alone and can go days without much contact or conversation with others but I've had some remarkable conversations and met some very interesting people while perched on a barstool (screen writers, inventors, race car drivers, special forces veterans, researchers, etc.). If I travel by train I enjoy meeting people in the dining car. Since they have open seating you will have people placed at your table and about an hour of conversation and most are happy to visit.
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Old 04-23-2016, 12:12 PM
 
6,310 posts, read 5,051,434 times
Reputation: 12815
Becoming a hermit is looking better each day! I spend most of my social time with family and they are getting on my last nerve.

I need to find other pursuits or just stay home. Today after a late breakfast outing I broke away as fast as I could.

They are all older than me and I just don't understand how or why they lead the lives they do. No money or health issues, so???? Weirdness abounds.
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Old 04-23-2016, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Yavapai County
746 posts, read 482,313 times
Reputation: 928
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Weirdness abounds.
Haha! It does indeed.
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