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I venture to say that having a family to enjoy the weekends and holidays trumps the above. Barb BQs, dinners, outings, etc. Spending quality time with the grandchildren and hanging out is very rewarding.
I would understand a couple with no family or a couple that does not get along with the fam. If that is the case move away.
It boils down to this:
Living close to the family or being away from the family for the sake of viewing retirement as a perennial vacation.
My family is all over the place. My wife and I can live wherever we want. Close to my former employer in an expensive city with bad weather is not necessarily my first choice.
Well, for me, most of my extended family is near Atlanta, GA, and I grew up in that damned heat and humidity, have had enough of it. I'll stay here in the West for a place to live. Both parents are gone now, my younger sister (only sibling) lives in my parent's old house there, we talk on the phone a lot and email, she is actually thinking about moving West as well.
Many of my cousins are, to put it kindly, rascals. One is a FO for a major airline, probably the most successful of the lot. Several are toothless crackheads, to call a spade by it's true name. Most live around Atlanta.
So I don't particularly see any need to be down there amongst them. The ones that are getting on OK don't need any help from me, and the crackheads are not "fixable" by me or any other mortal man as far as I can tell.
Well, for me, most of my extended family is near Atlanta, GA, and I grew up in that damned heat and humidity, have had enough of it. I'll stay here in the West for a place to live. Both parents are gone now, my younger sister (only sibling) lives in my parent's old house there, we talk on the phone a lot and email, she is actually thinking about moving West as well.
Many of my cousins are, to put it kindly, rascals. One is a FO for a major airline, probably the most successful of the lot. Several are toothless crackheads, to call a spade by it's true name. Most live around Atlanta.
So I don't particularly see any need to be down there amongst them. The ones that are getting on OK don't need any help from me, and the crackheads are not "fixable" by me or any other mortal man as far as I can tell.
As a 65 year old my only family are my children and grandchildren. I could live far away, but it seems my kids enjoy our company. And I also get to drink beer with my sons in law.
My wife is simply in love with our six grandchildren.
I always thought that retirement close to the family was a very nice thing to do.
Why do most retirees in this era want to be so far away from home?
Is this a pipe dream?
my parents had a grown adult child on either coast. when they retired they chose to live by the child they liked better. their words, not mine.
now i am approaching retirement (in the next 8-10 years). my grown children live in an area that is not good for my health, it is damp and moldy and gray and is ranked nearly highest in the world for depression and suicide. so i live in a different area, about 4 states away. too far to drive easily (20 hours) but an easy cheap non-stop plane flight. my health and well-being are greatly improved and nourished living in a place where there is sunshine. also they live in a very high cost of living area (they earn high incomes even straight out of college) and my income is very modest, so i need to live in a place with affordable rents.
if I move to Israel they will be on the other side of the world. but living in Israel is more important to me than being closer to my adult children. if that happens, the plan is for me to spend a couple months each year in the USA with my grown children and any grandchildren that might come along.
i like the idea of everyone living in the same neighborhood with several generations nearby. but jobs and work can take the children different places. and health, climate, cost of living, financial considerations, and interests outside the family can take the retirees different places.
Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 06-03-2016 at 09:32 PM..
I see a ton of posts about where to live in retirement and I am puzzled:
I always thought that retirement close to the family was a very nice thing to do.
Why do most retirees in this era want to be so far away from home?
Is this a pipe dream?
In my case the whole family is in transition....kid #2 will be off to the military, kid #1 hasn't found her niche in life yet. Neither are married/have kids.
I'm divorced so I'm basically a free agent so I could potentially be anywhere. Plan A = St. Petersburg area ; Plan B. back to my home town in upstate NY ; Plan C. the Syracuse area where my brother lives....
One thing to consider is that if you choose to live near your grand kids, your Son or Daughter may end up moving to a new place due to a career opportunity.
For us, with our kids in San Fran, a $300 ticket on Southwest is a whole lot cheaper than buying a house close to them. As long as they have a spare room, it doesn't matter where we live.
That's a good point. How many seniors still have children who stayed near them? My parents had three kids in Western Pennsylvania. One moved 60 miles away. One moved to Chicago. One moved to Denver. My mother's sister had four kids. One moved 50 miles away, one joined the Army, one moved to Montana, one moved to Europe where she has now lived for decades. My mother's friend has two daughters. One moved to Dallas the other to San Diego. The street I grew up on? One family had two sons, now in Georgia and Florida. Across the street one daughter, moved to New Jersey. Next door to them, three kids, two in California, one in Ohio. The family whose kids I babysat, one is in DC the other in Florida. The family across from them, four kids spread from California to Boston. Not one still in Pennsylvania.
This is anecdotal of course, and I'm speaking for the an older generation than the ones graduating now. Today, even if students go to college out of state, the LOWEST figure I've read is 45% of them come home after graduation. I've read some stats as high as 70%. But something tells me that if "moving home" means "living with their parents and being unemployed" their parents are going to WISH they'd move away.
As for the OP, he makes it sound like parents owe their lives to their adult children. Could it be this togetherness he touts is actually free babysitting and dinner on Sunday?
moving closer to your kids when old and infirm instead of when you can help and enjoy each other is simply using them.
This is a nasty thing to say. We moved to be closer to two of my kids and our grandkids. But, I figured that if one of us died or became ill, it would be easier on us all to be close. If we had stayed on our home city, and later became infirm, our kids would have to manage us from afar. This is very hard.
We knew what we wanted: we wanted to experience our grandkids' lives and we wanted to be around our adult children. We help them out! But we don't expect them to entertain us or be at the constant center of our lives. I do think it is best for most of us to retire close to family members. However, if the kids live in a disagreeable place, if there are not close ties between family members, or there are other factors, then it probably isn't best.
That's the problem with the OP initial post; she assumes that all families are the same, and of course they are not.
It is unusual for some families to stay in the area that DH and I grew up in due to lack of professional jobs. Out of my parents' 8 grandkids, only one stayed in the area. The others went away to college/grad school and are scattered all over the country and different continents for their jobs.
We left 4 decades ago and have traveled back at least twice a year, but would never move back although most of DH's extended family lives there. Call us crazy but neither of us have any interest in spending every Sunday with the whole family, endless birthday parties, every possible holiday celebration, etc. Some people love that - we don't. In fact, I figured out very quickly during our engagement that I would be stuck in the kitchen with all the work and probably would not have gotten married if the plan was to stay.
Our kids will be within 1-2 hours of us which is perfect. Close enough to get together whenever we choose, as we have a great relationship, but not stepping on each other's toes. I have friends overwhelmed with grandchild-care and even pet care who have become irritated about being taken advantage of.
I see a ton of posts about where to live in retirement and I am puzzled:
I always thought that retirement close to the family was a very nice thing to do.
Why do most retirees in this era want to be so far away from home?
Is this a pipe dream?
I've always wondered that too. The average post on the topic reads as if the couple are a unit not belonging to any loved one's whatsoever. Weird
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