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So my father-in-law had an accident with a bicyclist last week. We're not sure if the bicyclist was just driving fast and ran into him as my father-in-law has a tendency to brake early with his bad depth perception, or if he sideswiped him. Regardless, we're at a point where we feel he could hurt himself or someone else and we don't want him to be the guy on CNN that just took out 20 people waiting in line for a show.
With that said, we've set up an account with Yellow Cab so all he has to do is give the driver a cab card for payment. We've set up a schedule for us all to chip in and help with the daily things he wants to do. We've checked with local services that bus senior citizens around. We are trying to structure the conversation so that he understands we are there to help and to give him options so he doesn't feel his freedom and independence is being taken away.
My wife and her sisters will be having the talk with him this upcoming weekend. We're just wondering what avenue to take next if he puts up resistance.
He probably will but it seems like he is going to have lots of help so he should be able to get to where he needs too.
Before the talk see if you can figure out where he goes each day and how much of that you can cover. If he goes to the local coffee shop each morning maybe one of the guys at the shop can pick him up etc.
Talk to the family doctor. He may be persuasive. He also can contact the MVD and request his license to be pulled. Then the responsibility is off of you and the family.
My wife has tried unsuccessfully to get her father to call it quits in the driving department but to no avail. In California, you can anonymously report a driver to the Department of Motor Vehicles as being unsafe. That is what she did. The DMV called him in, gave him some tests and renewed his driver's license for another 3-4 years. He had a big smile on his face. Not that long longer, he had some more incidents and the big one is waiting to happen. If that day comes, hopefully my wife will have peace of mind that she tried her best.
I wish you the best. Your task is not an easy one.
If you can get the family doctor or DMV to do the deed for you it'll make your lives so much easier. The reality is no matter how lovingly you frame it and how much help you offer, getting someone to give up driving is usually emotionally charged and divisive. I wish you well because this can get very ugly quickly.
Despite the failure of Borninsac's wife's reporting her father to the DMV, I think that's always worth a try if there is resistance. Success is never guaranteed when we undertake something, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't make the attempt. My hat is off to Borninsac's wife for doing the right thing.
My next door neighbor is 87 and is no longer fit to drive (memory is going, getting confused, bad reaction time, bad vision, you name it). His son finally just took the car keys a couple of weeks ago and said, "Dad, you're going to get hurt or hurt someone. You can't drive any more". Neighbor wasn't happy about it, but accepted it. They had a family meeting and divvied up all the ferrying chores (church, doctor, shopping, etc.). It won't make my neighbor feel independent again, but at least they are trying to make sure he and his wife can get where they need to go. The wife has not driven in years due to chemo-induced neuropathy in her feet that make it impossible for her to feel her feet.
As a healthcare provider, I have reported some patients to the DMV. I have to, by law, if I think they are unsafe to drive. So the law provides me with some cover. Also, I will get my pants sued off if I *don't* report them and they get in an accident! It is never a pleasant thing to discuss with a patient or his/her family, but it has to be done.
The wife has not driven in years due to chemo-induced neuropathy in her feet that make it impossible for her to feel her feet.
She should contact an organization that modifies vehicles for disabled drivers. She could use controls on the steering wheel instead of using her feet.
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