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I have an alternative theory to offer, both for monkeys and for people who narrow their social circle as they age. Being social is a biological necessity for mating and reproducing. As we age, the biological drive fades. For those of us who aren't overly sociable by nature, the subconscious imperative to get out there and keep the human race going, fades. We can be content with less interaction. Some, of course, are just wired to be sociable, and enjoy lots of company and friends; thus some of these responses will be that we have as many, or more friends than ever. But for those who don't enjoy high levels of interaction, nature allows us to say enough is enough, and fall back.
Yes? No? Maybe?
I never thought about it like that before. But makes sense to me!
I think a factor can also be the wisdom that comes with age. I'm much more selective now. Looking back over the years I can see times when I've been surrounded by people who actually got mad at me when I spent time with others and therefore wasn't there to hang out with them. That's telling in and of itself: They weren't the sort of friends I want now, that's for sure. And there were times when there weren't many friends in my life.
I've culled the takers (who never gave - sucking up all the air for themselves; never giving support). And the haters (the ones making nasty comments about others; the ones engaging in the "isms" and phobias towards others). The game players. And so on. I just don't see the point in having meaningless relationships (perhaps youth needs that??). I want people I can rely on who know they can rely on me, to be kind. Thoughtful with their words and deeds. Intelligent. Willing to agree to disagree (but we have to be close enough on ideology). Fair. But not a push-over. Truthful with tact. Silent when they know the topic of disagreement is too close to a sore spot.
Slim pickins, to be sure.
Like the older monkey at the end of the video ignoring the stuffed toy put in front of it, I'm like: 'Meh. I've seen bright orange not moving before. What of it?."
I had piles. But they were just that.
I'm still willing to make the effort, but I'm much better in sizing someone up for friendship compatibility in minutes. I don't want surface stuff anymore.
My mother doesn't have any friends left. She was a taker, not just a taker of moral support but the kind of "friend" who asks for a million favors and shows up at your house at dinnertime at least once a week without an invitation and who asks you to pick up her kids (or watch her husband, now that he can't be left alone). If you do something small for her, she instantly asks you to do something big for you. If you do the big thing, she suddenly wants it every single day.
Not even her kids are her friends anymore. We can't afford to be.
I was pretty active in a few outdoor pursuits that I haven't stopped completely but they aren't as big a part of my life as they once were. A lot of people who I enjoyed spending time with really weren't close friends. I tend to overshare when I have some semblance of anonymity (online), but I am actually a rather private person as far as my thoughts and feelings go when interacting with people. I have had a pretty small circle of close friends and my two closest friends pretty much drifted off the grid (it wasn't personal, because it wasn't just with me). So I am another monkey that sits off to the side a lot...
I think a factor can also be the wisdom that comes with age. I'm much more selective now. Looking back over the years I can see times when I've been surrounded by people who actually got mad at me when I spent time with others and therefore wasn't there to hang out with them. That's telling in and of itself: They weren't the sort of friends I want now, that's for sure. And there were times when there weren't many friends in my life.
I've culled the takers (who never gave - sucking up all the air for themselves; never giving support). And the haters (the ones making nasty comments about others; the ones engaging in the "isms" and phobias towards others). The game players. And so on. I just don't see the point in having meaningless relationships (perhaps youth needs that??). I want people I can rely on who know they can rely on me, to be kind. Thoughtful with their words and deeds. Intelligent. Willing to agree to disagree (but we have to be close enough on ideology). Fair. But not a push-over. Truthful with tact. Silent when they know the topic of disagreement is too close to a sore spot.
Slim pickins, to be sure.
Like the older monkey at the end of the video ignoring the stuffed toy put in front of it, I'm like: 'Meh. I've seen bright orange not moving before. What of it?."
I had piles. But they were just that.
I'm still willing to make the effort, but I'm much better in sizing someone up for friendship compatibility in minutes. I don't want surface stuff anymore.
The same here, I treasure the few good friends I have and I'm not searching for more. I've always clicked with good friends, there's that certain something there for friendship. They spontaneously happen without much effort.
What has increased are acquaintances I enjoy and like being around. Not full friendships, but a mutual liking and I prefer to keep it at that level: friendly and enjoyable but with a bit of space built in. That works for me these days. I've grown past the need for more involved friendships. The few I have fill my need. Light friendships, like light beer are easier to handle these days and I can have more of them too.
I live in a large 55+, about 38,000 people. Less in the summer. That is why I said it could be location. Everyone is from somewhere else. People moving in all the time.
Every activity I take part in I end up meeting new people. You already have at least one common interest when you meet them. With some of them you develop a friendship. I don't know how many times I have heard people say they were surprised when they moved here and met so many people. It is just a friendly place. Since most people move here knowing no one it makes people more open to meeting new people.
As we age, we tend to cull the number of people we hang out with — we become less socially active overall, but more likely to spend our socializing time on people we’re close to, rather than casual acquaintances or throwaway friendships.
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