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I understand your point and I do not disagree, but at least some of the problem is the OP's DH has a view of retirement that is very different from what it can be. I wouldn't want to retire to be a "geezer" either; but there is so much more to life than that.
Of course. But it sounds as if he truly enjoys his work and where he lives. He may struggle with the idea of retirement as moving away from everything he has enjoyed while working. Moving to a state he perceives as full of other retirees, and away from a very vibrant urban area. I can see where, rightly or wrongly, he sees that as Geezerdom. It could certainly be resolved to both their satisfaction but both are too stubborn to consider compromise.
I understand your point and I do not disagree, but at least some of the problem is the OP's DH has a view of retirement that is very different from what it can be. I wouldn't want to retire to be a "geezer" either; but there is so much more to life than that.
You should read OP. Her husband leads a sedentary live, perhaps your lifestyle works for you but not him.
One of my childhood neighbors was management for a large factory... very active socially and golf.
When he retired they sold the family home of 35 years and moved to Florida to be close to his wife's family... it nearly killed him.
He had no purpose and things he lived for like the monthly luncheons from his company etc... were in California.
He was happy and content and left it all behind for his wife's idea of retirement.
There were dark times for sure... eventually he did work through it.
Not to get too far off... the local supermarket owner was grousing nobody wants to work anymore... he hired kids to stock shelves and as soon as they made enough money they would quit.
My friend... a retired executive with an entire division reporting to him said he wanted the job stocking shelves at night... the manager thought he was nuts but after a few weeks of help wanted signs... gave in...
Clyde was the best employee in the store... the customers loved him... always on time... always ready to help... his wife said he was a new man... see, he made a lot of friends with the kids that worked their and became a mentor to them... someone they could go to... at one time the manager even wondered if Clyde was after his job. Clyde had plenty of money but no purpose... no grandkids, no family left on his side... etc.
He was best man for one of the kids and at Clyde's funeral it was all customers and co-workers saying what a great guy they had in their lives... and more than one of the kids said Clyde had put them on the right path when they had troubles with drinking and drugs...
Many need a purpose and the comfort of the familiar... sounds like your husband already has what he needs?
to our user: Grumpy ol' Man here:---->even though I am not yet really old myself but pretty grumpy I am: Your reply makes complete sense toward how you understood the OP post.
On the other hand, to me:
something is fishy in this marriage, but nevertheless she says she loves him, and: No.-no divorce is an option for OP.
As a woman I think her DH developed some sobering reasons toward his wife as their marriage grew its roots deeper.
I heard of this Latin proverb that distantly may describe them both: Dignum patella operculum--The dish is worthy of the cover.
There are facts in their marriage that only therapist heard. And it's better that way.
I myself am a fan of people that know what they want in life, the OP is one of them.
Sounds to me she bit into huge bite, that became hard to digest as the time passed. For some reason, I am convinced that everything will be resolved in her favor. Luck to both and the fair resolution in this New 2017.
One of my childhood neighbors was management for a large factory... very active socially and golf.
When he retired they sold the family home of 35 years and moved to Florida to be close to his wife's family... it nearly killed him.
He had no purpose and things he lived for like the monthly luncheons from his company etc... were in California.
He was happy and content and left it all behind for his wife's idea of retirement.
There were dark times for sure... eventually he did work through it.
Not to get too far off... the local supermarket owner was grousing nobody wants to work anymore... he hired kids to stock shelves and as soon as they made enough money they would quit.
My friend... a retired executive with an entire division reporting to him said he wanted the job stocking shelves at night... the manager thought he was nuts but after a few weeks of help wanted signs... gave in...
Clyde was the best employee in the store... the customers loved him... always on time... always ready to help... his wife said he was a new man... see, he made a lot of friends with the kids that worked their and became a mentor to them... someone they could go to... at one time the manager even wondered if Clyde was after his job. Clyde had plenty of money but no purpose... no grandkids, no family left on his side... etc.
He was best man for one of the kids and at Clyde's funeral it was all customers and co-workers saying what a great guy they had in their lives... and more than one of the kids said Clyde had put them on the right path when they had troubles with drinking and drugs...
Many need a purpose and the comfort of the familiar... sounds like your husband already has what he needs?
That's a great story; thanks for sharing. I want to be a Clyde in my legacy career and still have visions of being a bagger at Trader Joe's. Never seen a worker there who didn't seem very happy and I've chatted with many including older turds like me.
I find I often go down life's road and reach a fork. There is no way to go in both directions. I just need to make a decision. Later on, I have looked back and wondered how different my life would have been if I had gone down the other path. I often think there is no right or wrong path. Instead I feel good about facing those forks in the road. They are opportunities which help us to shape our futures.
I have the same thoughts. I love my life. I look back in the past as different mistakes and what would be right choices and know that each of those put me on the path I am now. One change in the past prior to my marriage and here is not where I would be. As Lee Brice says in his song
Quote:
Last night, outta the blue
Drifting off to the evening news
She said "Honey, what would you do
If you’d never met me"
I just laughed, said "I don’t know,
But I could take a couple guesses though"
And then tried to dig real deep,
Said, "Darling honestly,
I’d do a lot more offshore fishing
I’d probably eat more drive-thru chicken
Take a few strokes off my golf game
If I’d have never known your name
I’d still be driving that old green ‘Nova
I probably never would have heard of yoga
Be a better football fan
But if I was a single man
Alone and out there on the loose
Well I’d be looking for a woman like you."
I could tell that got her attention
So I said, "Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, I wouldn’t trade a single day
For a hundred years the other way." She just smiled and rolled her eyes,
'Cause she’s heard all of my lines
I said, "Come on on girl, seriously
If I hadn’t been so lucky
I’d be shooting pool in my bachelor pad
Playing bass in my cover band
Restocking up cold Bud Light
Play poker every Tuesday night, yeah
I’d have a dirt bike in the shed
And not one throw pillow on the bed
I’d keep my cash in a coffee can
But if I was a single man
Alone and out there on the loose
Well I’d be looking for a woman like you."
She knows what a mess I’d be if I didn’t have her here
But to be sure, I whispered in her ear
"You know I get sick deep-sea fishing
And you make the best fried chicken
I got a hopeless golf game
I love the sound of your name
I might miss that old green ‘Nova
But I love watching you do yoga
I’d take a gold band on my hand
Over being a single man
'Cause honestly I don’t know what I’d do
If I’d never met a woman like you."
Quote:
Originally Posted by borninsac
That's a great story; thanks for sharing. I want to be a Clyde in my legacy career and still have visions of being a bagger at Trader Joe's. Never seen a worker there who didn't seem very happy and I've chatted with many including older turds like me.
Not me. I am retired and I don't want to answer to anyone again. I want to just play. I worked my ass off for 45 years and now I want some me time.
That's a great story; thanks for sharing. I want to be a Clyde in my legacy career and still have visions of being a bagger at Trader Joe's. Never seen a worker there who didn't seem very happy and I've chatted with many including older turds like me.
Wouldn't it be fun to ring that bell: "2 bells!". "3 bells"! Then again, the people who work there probably hate that bell after a while. LOL
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Then again, the people who work there probably hate that bell after a while. LOL
