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There is to some degree cultural snobbery in some circles, like who's been to whose gallery opening and lots of armchair "culturalists" who go to every event, some to be seen more than to be enlightened.
What you're saying here reminds me so much of my (late) father, he was exactly like that, although he was a simple paparazzi (his job was taking pictures of "glitterati"to be published in glossy magazines), he liked to be seen in the right places with the right (meaning : moneyed/connected) people. He was actually the quintessential snob (and didn't it like one bit that I saw through his game and had no envy to follow suit to his lifestyle). However he took good care to have a cultural glossand late at night memorized extracts from the Reader's Digest. I've found a letter he wrote to a Sarah Lawrence student he was mad in love with (the girl didn't stay long with him, she was from a wealthy family and he actually could have been his father, she was exactly my age), boasting to have been seated at the Paris Opera 10 rows behind the then French President (the girl must have laughed herself off, so pathetic).
I have never understood people of this sort. Basking in reflected glory provided by simple propinquity is silly. However, I have heard statements such as the following.
"We were sitting there when __________ (pick a well-known person) came in with her (take your pick) husband, paramour, ex-husband, ex-paramour, et al."
For all I know, I may have once stopped at a traffic light where Jeffrey Dahmer was driving the car ahead of me. That does not give an aura of sophistication.
I'm sure that everyone saw the clip of President Macron of France just about knocking people over to stand next to President Trump. It beats me.
I was exercising beside a man who constantly watches the stock market on the TV in front of our machines and comments about how much he has made or lost today in the thousands. Monday he was commenting about his friend who had several houses in the path of Irma. I commented that sounded like a lot to keep up with in his retirement. He added the man had people who did that for him. You can only live in one house at a time. I find the man a little pathetic. He looks like he could croak any minute. Every once in a while I enjoy putting him in his place. I have told him money is not something I worry about. Monday I told him I was lucky to be born poor so I don't have all the stress of keeping up with so much real estate.
Is anything as boring as someone who lives to count their money or tries to let you know how important they are. Really rich and important people tend to just be friendly and talk about everyday life so they can blend in.
We once had a rude water class instructor. She saw us as these old people. I looked around in our class at the people I knew and thought, "If she knew how many managers and business owners were in this class, I bet she would change her tune." We are really skilled at getting rid of rude instructors. She's gone. LOL
I was exercising beside a man who constantly watches the stock market on the TV in front of our machines and comments about how much he has made or lost today in the thousands. Monday he was commenting about his friend who had several houses in the path of Irma. I commented that sounded like a lot to keep up with in his retirement. He added the man had people who did that for him. You can only live in one house at a time. I find the man a little pathetic. He looks like he could croak any minute. Every once in a while I enjoy putting him in his place. I have told him money is not something I worry about. Monday I told him I was lucky to be born poor so I don't have all the stress of keeping up with so much real estate.
Is anything as boring as someone who lives to count their money or tries to let you know how important they are. Really rich and important people tend to just be friendly and talk about everyday life so they can blend in.
We once had a rude water class instructor. She saw us as these old people. I looked around in our class at the people I knew and thought, "If she knew how many managers and business owners were in this class, I bet she would change her tune." We are really skilled at getting rid of rude instructors. She's gone. LOL
There is nothing worse than being around someone who constantly talks about their money and what they spent, or how much they saved. It's boring and makes me uncomfortable.
There is nothing worse than being around someone who constantly talks about their money and what they spent, or how much they saved. It's boring and makes me uncomfortable.
Yeah, but why do they do this? Are they just insecure, so they try to present themselves in a light of "superiority"?
I feel sorry for people that do this. I try to engage them in conversation about a different topic. If they persist, I may even just say that it's better to keep finances private, like we did in the old days. I'm not religious, but WWJD comes to mind. It's usually effective and has a positive outcome for them and me.
Money to travel several times a year and eat out a lot at "nice" restaurants.
We all can have nice houses, cars and clothes, some solid stock/investments" -yet its these two things that tell me the couple is well fixed, financially, because they are the extra expenses that separate the herd.
We can keep up with the house, car and clothes but we have to cut back on the travel and nice restaurants to save money.
What tells you that a couple you meet or know is doing very well?
All these smart people and all these defensive responses.
OP, I get your question. And while a good many will not admit it, they do judge people they run into. Look out, Serious Conversation, you are about to get some company in your proverbial doghouse.
I think the OP's question is a valid one. And it is one that is to be answered subjectively.
The things that tell me a couple is "well off" are:
* demeanor - a sense of peace of mind
* quality - how they wear their clothes more than the cost of their clothes.
* running condition of their vehicles, especially if long on years and very well maintained.
* the couple's ability to do the things they want with more energy towards planning and less towards cost.
* The couple's ability to say no to things - not because they cannot but because they choose to say no.
Couples like this are the ones I watch and learn from.
Thank you, OP. You have given me something to work on and from which to measure.
I'm still of the opinion that it's just best to think about your own finances and not worry about others'. Why does anyone care if another is "well off", or "well to do", or whatever euphemism you care to apply. Outward appearances, and other people's choices really reveal nothing.
I'm reminded of a "retired" couple we know. She's retired on a government pension (fairly small one) and SS. He was fired many years ago for cause and has remained jobless for 20 years, so not much SS for him. We know pretty much everything about their finances, because she's a blabbermouth and tells everyone everything that should be kept private. So we rent a big cabin at least yearly and we would invite them sometimes, as longtime friends of my DH. Normally we rent this big place, and split the cost with the other 3 couples. DH insists that we treat these folks and quietly pay their share as they are on a fixed income with a tight budget. I kind of resent this because every year this couple manages to take a 3 week trip to Hawaii, but he feels they can't afford a hundred bucks for their room for the weekend.
So over the years I've come to see that a 3 week trip to the islands looks like big expensive travel, but Ms. Blabbermouth has since informed me that they don't pay for hotels, they stay in friends' timeshares, often switching mid-vacation when the week is up at each place. They are often allowed to use them for free, or for a small fee, or they go when the friends are going, and are hosted for free. They eat in, and they participate in mostly free activities while they are there. So to others they might appear to be "doing quite well", but in reality they are traveling and vacationing on the largesse of their friends.
They live in a cute house that she once owned outright, but she wanted a remodel and mortgaged it so heavily to finance it that, after the 2008 housing crash, she was upside down. So their house looks nice, but they can barely afford to live there. They are behind on their taxes she tells me. So she cares for her grandson, paid by a government program, to help pay those bills. They volunteer at the VFW and often eat there for free at least 4 times a week, since they serve on many committees and help with all the dinners, luncheons, etc. They have a nice car, but it's their only car and is about 10 years old. She dresses flamboyantly and wears the long manicured nails, and trendy haircuts, and frequently has it colored in faddish ways, but she gets this done inexpensively because she's friends with a stylist, and she uses coupons for her manicures.
I'm still of the opinion that it's just best to think about your own finances and not worry about others'. Why does anyone care if another is "well off", or "well to do", or whatever euphemism you care to apply. Outward appearances, and other people's choices really reveal nothing.
I'm reminded of a "retired" couple we know. She's retired on a government pension (fairly small one) and SS. He was fired many years ago for cause and has remained jobless for 20 years, so not much SS for him. We know pretty much everything about their finances, because she's a blabbermouth and tells everyone everything that should be kept private. So we rent a big cabin at least yearly and we would invite them sometimes, as longtime friends of my DH. Normally we rent this big place, and split the cost with the other 3 couples. DH insists that we treat these folks and quietly pay their share as they are on a fixed income with a tight budget. I kind of resent this because every year this couple manages to take a 3 week trip to Hawaii, but he feels they can't afford a hundred bucks for their room for the weekend.
So over the years I've come to see that a 3 week trip to the islands looks like big expensive travel, but Ms. Blabbermouth has since informed me that they don't pay for hotels, they stay in friends' timeshares, often switching mid-vacation when the week is up at each place. They are often allowed to use them for free, or for a small fee, or they go when the friends are going, and are hosted for free. They eat in, and they participate in mostly free activities while they are there. So to others they might appear to be "doing quite well", but in reality they are traveling and vacationing on the largesse of their friends.
They live in a cute house that she once owned outright, but she wanted a remodel and mortgaged it so heavily to finance it that, after the 2008 housing crash, she was upside down. So their house looks nice, but they can barely afford to live there. They are behind on their taxes she tells me. So she cares for her grandson, paid by a government program, to help pay those bills. They volunteer at the VFW and often eat there for free at least 4 times a week, since they serve on many committees and help with all the dinners, luncheons, etc. They have a nice car, but it's their only car and is about 10 years old. She dresses flamboyantly and wears the long manicured nails, and trendy haircuts, and frequently has it colored in faddish ways, but she gets this done inexpensively because she's friends with a stylist, and she uses coupons for her manicures.
All these smart people and all these defensive responses.
OP, I get your question. And while a good many will not admit it, they do judge people they run into. Look out, Serious Conversation, you are about to get some company in your proverbial doghouse.
I think the OP's question is a valid one. And it is one that is to be answered subjectively.
The things that tell me a couple is "well off" are:
* demeanor - a sense of peace of mind
* quality - how they wear their clothes more than the cost of their clothes.
* running condition of their vehicles, especially if long on years and very well maintained.
* the couple's ability to do the things they want with more energy towards planning and less towards cost.
* The couple's ability to say no to things - not because they cannot but because they choose to say no.
Couples like this are the ones I watch and learn from.
Thank you, OP. You have given me something to work on and from which to measure.
What do you learn from them?
How do you *sense* peace of mind and how does that relate to how well off they are? Our close friends are well off - I know - but their adult children are not doing well, and yes that makes them sad.
More energy towards planning than towards cost - yes that is being well off.
There is nothing worse than being around someone who constantly talks about their money and what they spent, or how much they saved. It's boring and makes me uncomfortable.
UGH! Totally agree. There is one (at least) on these boards that has to proclaim their affluence on EVERY SINGLE POST. Very insecure, or fabricating. At the very least, BORING. But at least it's not IRL so I can just skip away, LOL.
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...yardstick...
