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Old 11-26-2006, 09:05 PM
 
Location: Springfield, Missouri
2,814 posts, read 12,072,235 times
Reputation: 2000001303

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Quote:
Originally Posted by michelleleigh View Post
My husband on the other hand is just happy that she has to call before she visits though he loves my Dad.
Well, I'm with your husband on this one!! If my mom were like Marie from Everyone Loves Raymond, the house would already have bars on the windows and a bar cage around the front door! Ummm, yeah...to keep burglars out..that's it..yeah...that's the reason...
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Old 11-26-2006, 09:25 PM
 
Location: Happy in Utah
1,224 posts, read 3,011,144 times
Reputation: 912
Hey I dont blame him she tried to get a key to our house when we lived in NM and he was like are you crazy(I would never ever give her a key I do not know why my sisster gave her a Key)
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Old 11-27-2006, 03:58 PM
 
Location: Southern Ca but getting out soon
892 posts, read 2,204,388 times
Reputation: 233
I am moving away from my family because they are the perfect example of what I don't want my son turning into to. Snobs, selfish, condensending, don't repect anyone, just bad people and I can't wait to get away from them. I actually cry every November because I hate going to Thanksgiving and sitting around a bunch of people that are so ungreatful that it ruins the meaning of the holiday. I would just not go but I feel bad taking the holiday away from my son. I am so happy that this last Thanksgiving was my last one with them all. Growing up, the whole way to Grandma's house my parents would be fighting in the car. My Grandma throws a fit if anyone steps foot in the kitchen but complains that no one helps her. If some one does help her they complain the whole time. My Aunt made a coment to me this year that "oh your poor husband is helping Grandma" and my reply was "My Husband thinks it nice to help people and doesn't mind doing it". No one waits for everyone to sit down before eating. I am not religious but I think this is the one holiday that you should be thankful for your blessings. One year they decided to pray. The prayer "rub a dub dub thanks for the grub". When asked what they are thankful for, "I'm thankful I didn't have to do the cooking". I could go on and on. Sorry, bad subject for me so close to the holidays! Don't get me started on Christmas. I used to always have my sister but recently she is turning into them. I am so thankful that my Husband has a nice normal family that will welcome us when we move near them next year. I will come back to CA to visit my favorite places but if I were to never see them again it really doesn't bother me. I hope once I get some distance between us that I might change my mind but if not, oh well. I'm sure I will go to hell for hating them but I think it is more important to not have my son grow up like that.
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Old 11-27-2006, 05:33 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
985 posts, read 2,590,666 times
Reputation: 824
This is the perfect topic for me right now. My son moved to Tucson 8 months ago. He just wanted a change. I miss him really alot. So my husband my daughter and me are moving there in 7 months. My son is happy about that he especially misses his sister. The problem is my 79 year old mom. She lives by herself and still drives she can take care of herself. I have a sister that still lives close buy. The guilt that I have is really waying on me. The question I have is, am I moving away from my family or rejoining my family. What family is most important??
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Old 11-27-2006, 05:33 PM
 
Location: Springfield, Missouri
2,814 posts, read 12,072,235 times
Reputation: 2000001303
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookingfortheperfectplace View Post
I am moving away from my family because they are the perfect example of what I don't want my son turning into to. Snobs, selfish, condensending, don't repect anyone, just bad people and I can't wait to get away from them. I actually cry every November because I hate going to Thanksgiving and sitting around a bunch of people that are so ungreatful that it ruins the meaning of the holiday. I would just not go but I feel bad taking the holiday away from my son. I am so happy that this last Thanksgiving was my last one with them all. Growing up, the whole way to Grandma's house my parents would be fighting in the car. My Grandma throws a fit if anyone steps foot in the kitchen but complains that no one helps her. If some one does help her they complain the whole time. My Aunt made a coment to me this year that "oh your poor husband is helping Grandma" and my reply was "My Husband thinks it nice to help people and doesn't mind doing it". No one waits for everyone to sit down before eating. I am not religious but I think this is the one holiday that you should be thankful for your blessings. One year they decided to pray. The prayer "rub a dub dub thanks for the grub". When asked what they are thankful for, "I'm thankful I didn't have to do the cooking". I could go on and on. Sorry, bad subject for me so close to the holidays! Don't get me started on Christmas. I used to always have my sister but recently she is turning into them. I am so thankful that my Husband has a nice normal family that will welcome us when we move near them next year. I will come back to CA to visit my favorite places but if I were to never see them again it really doesn't bother me. I hope once I get some distance between us that I might change my mind but if not, oh well. I'm sure I will go to hell for hating them but I think it is more important to not have my son grow up like that.
Well, there's an old saying that says you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family, meaning that however they are, that's the way the dice got played. You should never feel guilt for feeling as you do, and, though it's admirable to try to keep your own personal feelings from interfering with your son's interaction with them on holidays, my guess is that he knows they upset you, that he can tell they're jerks as well, and maybe removing him from these fine upstanding people couldn't hurt!! I'm incredibly lucky with most of my family, great mom, great stepdad, a super sister (my twin), blessed with amazing grandparents and one is still here with us, terrific aunts and uncles and niece, as well as some good cousins. However, my real father is an ******* who's an alcoholic, liar, gun freak, racist extremist, people-user...I could go on. I made up my mind when I was 22 that I didn't have to bow to him, be around him, or subject myself to him. He expected guilt and familial obligation to override my better judgement. However, I cut him off in 1986, so it's already been 20 years since I've spoken to him, and already 21 since I've seen him. And...I am grateful he's not in my life. My sister finally reached the same conclusion after having tried for years. Get away from those people and realize and believe you owe them nothing just because there's a blood connection! Life is too short to put up with buttheads, related or not!
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Old 11-27-2006, 05:38 PM
 
Location: Springfield, Missouri
2,814 posts, read 12,072,235 times
Reputation: 2000001303
Quote:
Originally Posted by milliebfit View Post
This is the perfect topic for me right now. My son moved to Tucson 8 months ago. He just wanted a change. I miss him really alot. So my husband my daughter and me are moving there in 7 months. My son is happy about that he especially misses his sister. The problem is my 79 year old mom. She lives by herself and still drives she can take care of herself. I have a sister that still lives close buy. The guilt that I have is really waying on me. The question I have is, am I moving away from my family or rejoining my family. What family is most important??
Is grandma willing to come too? My mother and I had a similar conversation for about an hour this afternoon. She's in northern California and her mother lives near her. I'm in Missouri where my mom wants to come. She told me again how much she misses me and wants to move to this area. My grandmother, her mother, is 88 and my mom said that they had a discussion about what to do if my grandma becomes incapacitated in some way where she can't live independently. My grandma told my mom it would be ok to put her in a home if it came to that. My mother would never do that and I told her..bring grandma to me. I have enough room and though I'm sure I'll lose a few marbles, I love her dearly and I'll give her her own rooms etc. I would sacrifice for my grandmother, or my parents (meaning my mom and stepdad. My real father can lick my... oops..went there!). Maybe your mom will come too? It's especially neat that all your immediate family so far wants to join your son!
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Old 11-27-2006, 06:02 PM
 
Location: Just a few miles outside of St. Louis
1,921 posts, read 5,166,785 times
Reputation: 1190
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoMark View Post
My mother would never do that and I told her..bring grandma to me. I have enough room and though I'm sure I'll lose a few marbles, I love her dearly and I'll give her her own rooms etc. I would sacrifice for my grandmother, or my parents (meaning my mom and stepdad.
That's great, that you're willing to have your grandma come live with you! Yes, you will lose a few marbles in the process, but it will be worth it. I know this because I took care of my grandma for three years, (1990-1993), before she passed away. It wasn't always easy, sometimes we'd fuss with each other, but we'd work it out. I also hope, that by taking everything in, as children do, that my kids learned something about family, and doing everything we can to take care of each other, to our utmost best. She loved my children, and my son, especially, had a close bond with her. If my grandma was still alive, I'd still be doing my best to take care of her. I will say, that I probably had it easier than some, because although her physical health was not the best, she retained her wit, right up to the end, for which I was so grateful. The physical I could handle, but it would have broken my heart, if she had gotten to the point that she no longer recognized me.
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Old 11-27-2006, 07:13 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
985 posts, read 2,590,666 times
Reputation: 824
MoMark... She is diggin her heals in. I want her so much to go with us. The house we are looking at has a seperate bedroom and bathroom. She wants to be independent. My husband has a feeling that once we get settled he will be coming back to N.J. to fetch her. If that should happen my guilt will be gone.
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Old 03-24-2007, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Florida
3 posts, read 6,070 times
Reputation: 13
Wink To move or not to move....

I am also in Florida, with a daughter in Germany (with her Army husband and my two granddaughters ) and a daughter and son-in-law in New Jersey. I do have a sister here and my grandmother who is 92 years young. My mother is deceased and my father...who knows where he is...

Unfortunately my sister and I aren't close (we couldn't be more opposite in personality) so I often feel very alone and wonder if I should move somewhere else. I know I will stay here as long as my grandmother is alive, but after that, I don't really know where the wind will take me.

NJ isn't really an option as my daughter there is very high maintenance and stressful. I love her very much, but it can be a difficult situation. My other daughter and her hubby are considering being stationed in Colorado once he returns from his one-year tour in Iraq. Although I don't want to "chase" my children around the country, it would be great to be closer to them.

Having recently turned 50, I am more aware than ever of the time I've spent on this planet and the time I have left. I do want to take advantage of that time and live my life to the fullest. I truly miss my daughters and want very much to be involved in my grandchildren's lives. I just haven't figured out how to do that yet.




Quote:
Originally Posted by CelticLady1 View Post
I'm not close to my parents, at all, (haven't had contact in two years. Haven't seen them in 26 years. Long story...), but, I wouldn't mind being closer to my aunt and uncle, and my cousins, in Missouri. That would be nice. I have no siblings, and I have no one, on my side of the family, close to me, here in Florida. Our son still lives with us, (our daughter lives in Germany, with her Air Force husband, and two boys). My step-daughter, and her family live about 20 miles from us. So, I'm not totally alone, of course. I just don't have blood relatives from my "growing up" days, if you will, living close by.
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Old 03-24-2007, 10:29 AM
 
257 posts, read 995,589 times
Reputation: 156
I just turned 50.......and going thru the same thought pattern. I am wondering if this is like a turning point in our lives? So we are second guessing it.....<<sigh>> I know I have made some fatal errors in my life and cannot go back to change them, so I have to go forward and live with the consequences of my actions. I have done nothing because maybe I am afraid of making more errors.......hhhhmm!
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