How do I recover after doing something very stupid? (55, moving, date)

[newcomputer]

I had my feelings hurt when a group of neighbors and I discussed going to lunch and then they went without asking me. One lives directly across the street and the lady who drove was visibly embarrassed when she dropped her off and saw me walking up the street.

I don't know what might have been said if we had been in an elevator As it was, it dragged on for awhile with them being uncomfortable and me being miffed. Now that little group has dispersed and we all nod and wave again. But it took awhile.

Things happen. You seem to have a good plan for getting past this, NYgal. I hope they are as reasonable as you appear to be. Good luck.

[Clemencia53]

Originally Posted by newcomputer

I had my feelings hurt when a group of neighbors and I discussed going to lunch and then they went without asking me. One lives directly across the street and the lady who drove was visibly embarrassed when she dropped her off and saw me walking up the street.

I don't know what might have been said if we had been in an elevator As it was, it dragged on for awhile with them being uncomfortable and me being miffed. Now that little group has dispersed and we all nod and wave again. But it took awhile.

Things happen. You seem to have a good plan for getting past this, NYgal. I hope they are as reasonable as you appear to be. Good luck.

Oh this reminded me of my/our own situation here.

I hang out with older siblings and their friends.

One of their high school friends recently moved back. These ladies are in their late 60s.

Well it seems that one sibling and one friend do not really like hanging out with old school mate.

Sibling goes out of her way of telling old friend that she has no idea of what plans we have for XYZ.

I find it all so funny. They do think she is kind of loud, but they are the type to whisper and gossip, so they are always whispering. I say if you got something to say, just say it out loud. If you have to whisper, you know its no good, so why go there?

BTW, i'm kind of loud myself, but for some reason, they are okay with it - but her - no. I do invite her to places because I like talking to her.

Just so very high school of these mature women.

[corgifreak]

Apologize to the women and forgive yourself as well. Then let it go. Don't carry around negative energy.

[newcomputer]

Originally Posted by corgifreak

Apologize to the women and forgive yourself as well. Then let it go. Don't carry around negative energy.

I like this!


One of my husbands use to say that I never forgot anything

[NYgal1542]

Thank you everyone. You have been so helpful.

One of the reasons I don't socialize with these ladies is that they usually are with a group of other women and unfortunately gossip gets going and I don't like gossip. We all live in the same place and I don't want to know what so and so said or did.

I mind my own business and don't want to hear someone else's business 2nd or 3rd hand.

And when I'm with my outside friends, I am far from being introverted.

[Robert137]

If you apologize, I'd recommend doing it by a nice hand-written note. The purpose is not to avoid face-to-face contact (although you may wish to do that), but because hand-written notes are so rare nowadays and when I've done them, people seem to appreciate the thoughtfulness and effort. It also gives the other person a chance to avoid a possibly awkward situation if you do it verbally.

And then with the note of apology to seal it, it's easier for everyone to let bygones be bygones.

[BellaDL]

Originally Posted by Robert137

If you apologize, I'd recommend doing it by a nice hand-written note.
....
It also gives the other person a chance to avoid a possibly awkward situation if you do it verbally.

I agree. In addition, I'd like to suggest

1. Unless you are prepared to stay apologetic and conciliatory regardless of what the other party may say, it's better off to start with a note. I have seen situations when a person started with good intentions but got ticked off in receiving unexpected negative responses, and things got worse instead of better.

2. Try to follow up the apology notes with friendly gestures or greetings then apologize again in person.

[otterhere]

Of course we're all dying to know exactly what you said (and how loudly) and what their reaction was, but only if you want to make our day and share...


I can relate. I have a group of friends/acquaintances who live in the next city over. I get together with them every week or two for a particular activity we enjoy together, but then because they all live very close to each other, they frequently get together for other things throughout the week. Most of these would not be worth the drive to me and I wouldn't be interested, and maybe they invited me a time or two and I turned it down so they stopped inviting me, but occasionally there is something I'd like to have been invited to that I only hear about after that fact, but I'm not invited. I say, "Invite me!" and they say, "We will!" but they don't.


Then I get hurt, and then I get mad, and then I'll say something like, "Thanks a lot for inviting me!"


I'm sure that doesn't increase my chances of being invited in the future, but it's just being human...


With Facebook, you not only have to know when you're excluded; you have to see photos of it, too!

[animalcrazy]

I would apologize and take it a step farther and invite them all over for lunch. If you do indeed want to socialize with them once in awhile then you need to make that fact known. If you've been turning them down a whole lot then why would you even expect an invitation? Or maybe they just forgot about you. You can't assume that it was an intentional slight.

I'll never understand the mentality of having a party by invitation only in a complex. It would be like having a pot luck at work by invitation only. Had I lived in your complex I would have put up a sign up sheet with a column of what you're bringing. All in the complex would be welcome.

[otterhere]

Except that, if they really are as gossipy as you say (and I don't doubt it for a minute, knowing women), you know they've torn you apart from here to next Tuesday by now. But I still like the "invite them out" idea.