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As mentioned (haven't seen all posts yet), it would be appropriate to apologize, when you gather your thoughts together. If you can express how, despite not wanting to be involved in usual activities due to lack of interest, it doesn't mean you wanted to also be left out of an event or not be thought of as neighborly, which is I suppose what was assumed by others, and made you feel as you did.
It's too bad this can be the nature of that environment, that it can exist an "all or nothing" group. I know ultimately, I will be in a "Senior-type" building, but would rather be in some small building, without amenities. Like you OP, I have no interest in those activities, but am otherwise social. I would want neighbors to understand and respect where I am coming from despite that and not be confused by my declining involvement in that, alone.
I have seen reviews of buildings online that will mention a particular clique environment and I do not need that in my life. I am lucky to have lived in a quiet building for a while, where neighbors keep to themselves, though friendly. It is mostly younger, no children, some middle-aged and Seniors, without a "community room". I have been content, but know I will leave at some point, due to rent increases. (When I was young, I had been in a building where I became friends with many, but it was a different time and environment). I do not mind a few friends in a building, but do not need a social group.
Don't kick yourself too hard.. you just need to calmly express how you felt and hopefully, will correct it.
I think it is a case of being very embarrassed with myself. It was something I did that I'm not really very proud of.
Just tell them you're changing meds and got out of control from an overdose or somesuch. You really can't explain the truth anyway, and they deserved it for being so exclusionary. OTOH, you could take a truthful path and say sorry I got overheated but you know it did hurt to be excluded, I'm sure none of you would have wanted to be.
Why? Some medications lower a person"s natural inhibition leading to acting out.
Good idea.
If a person can count all of the stupid things that they did in their life, chances are that they are not stupid.
OK. Here is your BS tactic in the letter that you are going to write to the lady you mouthed off to. I apologize for my rudeness the other day. My doctor has put me on Ambien for insomnia and warned me that mood swings might be one of the side effects. Ambien does have side effects but mood swings may not be one of them. It's got to work better than the truth.
When I wrote I don't socialize with them I meant I do not go into the community room to play bingo, bunco, cards, etc. I do, however, talk with them when I see them in the hallway or some other area of the building or parking lot. I was always friendly. I would ask them how they were. If I knew someone had a problem I would ask them how was it going. I was asked to sign a petition someone had gotten started (I did sign it).
Do you still think they had no idea I had an interest in them?
But if you don't spend time with them playing cards or other activities with the group, how do you know what they are going to do outside of the living environment.
When you just hang out with your group, you spontaneously come up with activities and outings.
I'm sure they aren't all on a happy harmonious level all the time. They probably snipe about each other but later on gather to continue their friendship. It's just how life works.
I have noticed that many posters have recommended making up a story to explain my outburst.
I do not lie. I do not like liars. I wrote apology notes to the 3 ladies I blew up at that day. I included the fact that I had had a very difficult day and the last thing that set me off was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak.
Please don't suggest lying to me as a solution to explaining my behavior. It's not going to happen. I take my lumps when I deserve them.
I'm putting this in retirement because I'm 74 and retired and wonder why did I do this and maybe people closer to my age can help me repair it.
I live in a senior apartment complex. I'm not particularly social with my neighbors, always been one to say hello, good morning, how are you..... that kind of thing. But don't play cards or bingo, mainly because I have no interest and prefer staying in my apartment or going out with other friends.
Today, I was very frazzled. It seemed from the minute I got up till my explosion this afternoon, some dumb little thing was going on and as the old saying goes, along came the straw that broke the camel's back. A while ago, a few of the women gathered in the community room for a pot-luck meal. By invitation only. No, I was not invited but would have gone had I been. So that more or less festered in me for a while. One of the attendees mentioned it today and resentment perked its miserable head up in me. Today was the first time I saw the "lead" lady in this pot-luck along with her close friends and I mentioned it, only it got loud (me).
Now I am embarrassed as all get out, and I believe I deserve to be. I feel like a total idiot. I'm sure those ladies from today will have some of their own resentments.
Can I make this better? I know I need to apologize for my childish behavior. I also know I should not discuss my frazzled-state since it had nothing to do with them.
What would you do?
I live in a retirement community. Sometimes, residents gather in the club house to do pot lucks, play cards, whatever. Honestly, it never occurred to me to be pizzed that I'm not invited.
On the other hand, if the complex hosts a pot luck (which they sometimes do), everybody is invited. To go or not go is a personal choice.
You did say "a few of the women gathered..." Perhaps you should invite "a few" to your own gathering.
I don't know...it just seems frivolous to expect to be invited to a private party. If you feel you need to apologize, do so and simply say you were having a bad day. Then start being more sociable and the invitations will start rolling in.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhxBarb
They really ARE rude to hold such a gathering in the common area and keep out some residents who may have wanted to attend. (you)
You've got to be kidding. Who wants to attend every function thrown by complex residents? Goodness...family gatherings, family birthday parties, goodness. Are you serious?
I have noticed that many posters have recommended making up a story to explain my outburst.
I do not lie. I do not like liars. I wrote apology notes to the 3 ladies I blew up at that day. I included the fact that I had had a very difficult day and the last thing that set me off was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak.
Please don't suggest lying to me as a solution to explaining my behavior. It's not going to happen. I take my lumps when I deserve them.
There are harmless fibs to protect oneself from being rude to others or making things worse. Just one way of looking at it. The important thing is the apology, unless you feel what you said was justified.
There are harmless fibs to protect oneself from being rude to others or making things worse. Just one way of looking at it. The important thing is the apology, unless you feel what you said was justified.
It's hard to know in this situation if my outburst could be called justified. It was really more of a petty thing, I think. I was tired, frazzled from the day. Thinking of my friend who is very ill and recently had to put her beloved pet to sleep. Too many things going on in my head at once.
I have learned that there were some others who felt the same way I did. They just stewed over it.
Fibs.....equal lies..... I have been lied to a lot in my life. And I am sure at one time I've used the fib to cover my butt. But I don't want to be that person anymore.
I'm not asking anyone else to feel that way. That is my own particular thing and see no reason to lie or fib or make up a story.
[quote=MyNameIsBellaMia;44863154]I live in a retirement community. Sometimes, residents gather in the club house to do pot lucks, play cards, whatever. Honestly, it never occurred to me to be pizzed that I'm not invited.
On the other hand, if the complex hosts a pot luck (which they sometimes do), everybody is invited. To go or not go is a personal choice.
You did say "a few of the women gathered..." Perhaps you should invite "a few" to your own gathering.
I don't know...it just seems frivolous to expect to be invited to a private party. If you feel you need to apologize, do so and simply say you were having a bad day. Then start being more sociable and the invitations will start rolling in.
You've got to be kidding. Who wants to attend every function thrown by complex residents? Goodness...family gatherings, family birthday parties, goodness. Are you serious?[/QUOTE]
Many times residents will reserve the room for birthday parties, Christmas parties, anniversaries, etc. A sign is put on both doors entering the community room that the room is reserved on such and such a day from start time to finish time. And we all do our own cleanup afterwards.
Management of this senior apartment does nothing for the residents. No coffee and donuts, no ice cream socials, no potluck dinners.
To my knowledge, the particular potluck that I have written about was not for any special occasion.
There is a group of ladies who are very tight and do almost everything together. In the beginning, they would go into the community room every evening to play games, watch TV, etc. Every night. Some (no, I did not complain about it.... had no reason to) complained about it and they were told to lighten up on it and not "take over" the room every night.
Not everyone is aggressive enough to speak up for themselves. Some are afraid to say "boo." I used to be like that. Not anymore. I do speak up for myself. Life can be pretty darned hard if you don't.
So back to the potluck. It was informal. Doors to the community room were open (no signs saying private party). A lot of us (including this group) have complained because we don't do anything as a group.
OK, I'm rambling. I think you have to live here, see how things are done. To understand the full effect. I can tell you there is only one person (to my knowledge) who smokes. So far, only in her apartment. But when you walk past her door (I have to when coming in from being out). The smell of smoke is quite overwhelming. No, I do not complain.
It's hard to know in this situation if my outburst could be called justified. It was really more of a petty thing, I think. I was tired, frazzled from the day. Thinking of my friend who is very ill and recently had to put her beloved pet to sleep. Too many things going on in my head at once.
I have learned that there were some others who felt the same way I did. They just stewed over it.
Fibs.....equal lies..... I have been lied to a lot in my life. And I am sure at one time I've used the fib to cover my butt. But I don't want to be that person anymore.
I'm not asking anyone else to feel that way. That is my own particular thing and see no reason to lie or fib or make up a story.
I agree with you about the "fibs" - same as a lie. I hate to lie. The last time I did - it did not turn out well - . I felt karma came and got me.
So now I tell the truth. And it puts you in a place that you no longer are in situations where "fibs" are required. Kind of hard to explain.
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. I felt karma came and got me.