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Old 09-07-2016, 06:30 AM
 
Location: 89052 & 75206
8,102 posts, read 8,254,577 times
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My DH and I want to enjoy our retirement with a circle of friends to share social experiences and travel. It seems that our established friendships just don't fit anymore. Many don't fit because we are retired and several of the people in our network still work.

But, I am becoming more aware that some of our friends enjoy activities we find too expensive and then some don't want to do things we'd like because they don't want to spend the money. Example: we have several friends who think nothing of buying $500 concert tickets and flying to another city just to see a performance. We have other friends who would not want to spend money on a moderately priced cruise because of the expense.

So I am wondering if finding friends who are basically in a similar financial position is a key factor in developing new friendships or not?
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Old 09-07-2016, 07:30 AM
 
4,423 posts, read 7,338,866 times
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Uh boy. 'Pension Envy' is a big deal in retirement. But I don't have any answer. We don't travel with friends. We save those experiences to enjoy with only each other. We keep it the same, no matter who our friends are, maybe out for an occasional hamburger and beer with friends, or having them over for apps and cocktails, barbecue, or whatever. I think it would be superficial to form bonds at this age based on 'how they can play'. I prefer the depth of a good conversation with a like-minded couple irregardless of whether it's over wine or tap water. Back porch convos are the best!
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Old 09-07-2016, 07:53 AM
 
Location: TN/NC
34,875 posts, read 30,967,773 times
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I'm doing OK financially (making nearly double median HHI as a single for my city) and I too have hobbies and things I like to do that simply wouldn't be possible on a ten dollar an hour job or something. One of my longtime friends here is 30 like me and is making smoothies at a college gym for barely more than minimum wage. Anytime we've done anything lately, I've picked up the tab. It gets old and he feels bad.

I have an uncle that is a 1%er. He dropped $1000 for two tickets to a football game this weekend. I can't do that, nor can I afford six figure boats and an $80k Denali.

People tend to self-sort with people of some similar means and interests.
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Old 09-07-2016, 08:10 AM
 
538 posts, read 533,846 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seeriously View Post
Uh boy. 'Pension Envy' is a big deal in retirement. But I don't have any answer. We don't travel with friends. We save those experiences to enjoy with only each other. We keep it the same, no matter who our friends are, maybe out for an occasional hamburger and beer with friends, or having them over for apps and cocktails, barbecue, or whatever. I think it would be superficial to form bonds at this age based on 'how they can play'. I prefer the depth of a good conversation with a like-minded couple irregardless of whether it's over wine or tap water. Back porch convos are the best!
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Old 09-07-2016, 08:21 AM
 
1,321 posts, read 1,678,609 times
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I think that friendships come and go for a variety of factors. If we want to hold onto a friendship we tend to adjust our behavior to fit it. If the friendship is not important to us we will let it go when it no longer fits us. Finances, interests, children/grandchildren, health, marital status, work status, where one lives, religion.... these are just some of the influences on our relationships with people.
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Old 09-07-2016, 10:57 AM
 
12,823 posts, read 24,309,756 times
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Hear the message the Universe is sending. To me, when I am asked to participate in something I think is financially unwise, the message it is sending me is, "do not be a spendthrift, do not get into negative cash flow."

Conversely, when a friend does not want to participate in a costly activity I am doing, the message is "look in the mirror and think about the messages I've gotten when I did not want to spend money on something a friend wanted to do."
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Old 09-07-2016, 11:00 AM
 
Location: Texas
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Hm.
Interesting.

Maybe it's bc I don't like traveling with friends that much.

But this would never come up for us.
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Old 09-07-2016, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Arizona
8,231 posts, read 8,564,690 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
My DH and I want to enjoy our retirement with a circle of friends to share social experiences and travel. It seems that our established friendships just don't fit anymore. Many don't fit because we are retired and several of the people in our network still work.

But, I am becoming more aware that some of our friends enjoy activities we find too expensive and then some don't want to do things we'd like because they don't want to spend the money. Example: we have several friends who think nothing of buying $500 concert tickets and flying to another city just to see a performance. We have other friends who would not want to spend money on a moderately priced cruise because of the expense.

So I am wondering if finding friends who are basically in a similar financial position is a key factor in developing new friendships or not?
I think traveling with friends puts you into a very small group. The only people I know that do that don't get along very well with their spouses.

I think you can forget about a circle of friends in retirement. I am surprised you have one this late in life. People with varied interests have many groups of friends. How many people share that many interests? In retirement your interests will grow and it will be even harder to find people that enjoy most of them.

One reminder. Make sure you have a mix of singles and couples in any group of friends because eventually you or your husband will be single and if all friends are couples you will be abandoned when one passes.
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Old 09-07-2016, 11:25 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,085 posts, read 107,127,293 times
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Even moderately-priced cruises cost thousands of dollars, OP. And travelling with another couple often isn't a good idea. If travel can stress a relationship to the point of breaking (this is not uncommon at all), imagine what it could do to a friendship! People have different travel styles, different interests, different daily schedules and needs, especially at retirement age, when one person's sleep cycle may be disturbed, some people have to stick to special diets for health reasons, etc. You're better off keeping your travel plans simple, and between the two of you, without adding others to the mix.

As to friendships and affordability, it doesn't cost much to have people over for dinner, or for bridge, or to go to the museum together, and stop somewhere for coffee and good conversation afterwards. There are many low-cost and no-cost activities that can be enjoyed with friends. I don't see why varying economic levels need to be a problem.
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Old 09-07-2016, 11:44 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
14,229 posts, read 29,936,310 times
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I wish I could do all the fun things one of my friends gets to do. I just got an email from her the other day. Just home from a hiking trip in Scotland, on her way to visit her sister in Chicago, then on to Utah. Her next trip after that will be to see me. She was one of the very lucky ones. She worked for a few years after college and that's it. Her parents were wealthy so she has never wanted for anything. That's just the way it goes. Some people are lucky and others are not.

We will always be friends. But we can't do much together because she is loaded and I am not! We can't afford the same things.

She climbed Kilimanjaro too. I was 50 shades of green over that one. Something I always wanted to do!
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