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No disrespect meant, but take care you don't make yourself into an elder orphan when that is not needed.
If your son is willing to buy a property that either has a cottage or separate apartment, or has space for one, I wouldn't turn it down out of hand. You might consider telling him just what you said here -- that you are not ready for that yet but would consider it (maybe even welcome it ) in the future.
How old are you now? How is your health now? Are you still able to drive safely? Is he moving to a place where you might like to live in a few years?
And yes, you should have the discussion now, before he buys his new home. You could even talk about how you will still want to live your own independent life and just know that he is near if you need help. Living in a separate cottage or apartment means you don't have to have dinner with them every night or go with them wherever they go. You are still in your own place living your own life. Pay him rent so you can maintain your independence. And make it clear you will only babysit if it's convenient for you. Talk about this with him now.
I know no details of the home he made an offer for, but I think he gets that I'd need some space from them. Thing is, I OWN my home, and it wouldn't feel the same to me. The house costs me a couple hundred a year for taxes, very affordable and the rest would be the same or cost more.
it just wouldn't be mine. He can't understand that. Once there's news maybe we can talk But I'm a loner who likes being alone with the pets. I feel absolutely comfortable in my own house. Problem is, its in a different state.
If there is a possibility of making this house two, then maybe. But I'm also very proud of this house I live in being mine. I'm sure things wouldn't happen that way in something 'shared'.
I feel bad about the situation, but if only my son had talked to me about his idea, and asked how it might work before making his plan. I have said maybe in the future, but he isn't thinking later.
You can't plan for someone else's life or what they are willing to compromise on without asking them first. Anyone feeling the need to take care of family should come up with a good offer and ask and not feel too put out if your older relatives don't choose to.
Last edited by nightbird47; 11-03-2016 at 12:40 AM..
I'd say wait until you are much older. There are not any good reasons to move to your son's property right now when you're only 65 and in good health, and a whole bunch of negatives in making the move. Especially since you enjoy your own home & pets so much.
I'd say only move if and when you are much older or in poor health or need relatives nearby for some reason.
Could your son possibly have been thinking that you would give him money for living in separate quarters on his property, so there is an economic incentive for him to be asking you to move at this time?
The evangelizing and heavy emphasis on religion of any kind and/or mormonism would be a huge turn off. As would visiting missionaries have been to me.
I just don't GO for any outpatient procedures. Honestly, I don't believe in all this "preventative care" (it doesn't "prevent" anything; at best, it's early detection... At worst, it's a waste of time, money, and resources to make doctors and hospitals rich and actually endanger the patient, such as the frail elderly getting the colonscopy prep). And, when you get right down to it, if you don't even have one person in this world who cares enough about you to drive you to a procedure and back, why would you want to live longer anyway? I'll just take my chances and try to enjoy life for as long as I (naturally) live...
The clique thing was true of one senior center I once went to. The one I go to now isn't. I guess you have to check out a couple to find the right one.
The day of this "conversation", we went to a presentation with a bunch of seniors. I purposely sat right next to someone I didn't know. I figured why not strike up a conversation? Get to know more people. Break into those cliques. Went very well.
I'd say wait until you are much older. There are not any good reasons to move to your son's property right now when you're only 65 and in good health, and a whole bunch of negatives in making the move. Especially since you enjoy your own home & pets so much.
I'd say only move if and when you are much older or in poor health or need relatives nearby for some reason.
Could your son possibly have been thinking that you would give him money for living in separate quarters on his property, so there is an economic incentive for him to be asking you to move at this time?
The evangelizing and heavy emphasis on religion of any kind and/or mormonism would be a huge turn off. As would visiting missionaries have been to me.
65 is actually quite young.
He wants to take care of Mom. Getting help for certain things here is annoyingly frustrating, as its a little town. But that doesn't mean you don't look for better solutions. If he could afford the seperate house, he would feel that he should build it.
Of course, that might effect my income and if I sold my house, what do I do with the money? Didn't matter to him.
I appreciate his feelings. But when things get more settled I figure we can talk. I was on disability before, so I got used to living on less a long time ago and manage well. I would consider moving closer if I could find a place that suited me, but not at this time. I'm sure we'll find some way of getting closer without a huge compromise. I'd even like to visit and to 'sniff out' the place, especially the religious stuff since I'm pagan. If I'd ever be compatable with an area where the great mass has their own beliefs and the lifestyle reflects it, I don't know.
My dad wanted to take care of me too, after I'd finally been treated with something effective from the illness I had at the end of highschool. This amounted to do what dad wanted, and after numerious fights with enough income I moved anyway. Dad and I had the same personality and when Mom was around she deflected many fireworks. I suspect that my son is a lot more like me and Dad than his grandmother, who could let it go better. Last thing I want is another ongoing standoff.
I do wonder how many families discover their help for parents may not be as welcome as they assume and they don't need the kids telling them what to save of the furnature and the like.. It's like letting go of your kids and allowing them to be themselves, how hard it is for some. It can work the other way too.
When my grandmother lived in her small house, and drove herself to the store and was in the seventies, nobody ever dared suggest she needed 'help' and she didn't. She would not have taken it silently either. Long ago, I figured out I'm like grandma.
Parents and kids need to remember that each has to respect the others point of view, and only when both agree with that can you have peace.
"If you’re a single senior are you concerned about not having anyone who can help you if you eventually need care? Do you have a long-term care plan?"
"If you’re a single senior are you concerned about not having anyone who can help you if you eventually need care? Do you have a long-term care plan?"
I joined this FB group of Carols as I am an Elder Orphan due to being a widow with no children or family. The group is great in many ways but I find it also terribly depressing with constant talk of poor me situations.I am not cold hearted and it hurts to read these stories. I understand many of us were thrown in to our aloneness due to loosing a spouse but I feel I must accept this and try to make the best of what time I have left. I am 68 and in great health. I like to improve my surroundings and make this a happy and peaceful place to live for myself and animals.
What I am looking for is a more upbeat group of EO to share ideas with. I have searched the internet and there does not seem to be any happy widows group. Of course I am NOT happy about losing my husband of 31 years but I do not feel I need to beat myself up for the rest of my life because he is no longer here. I am not looking for another relationship.
So I ask has any one come across an up beat EO group?s Thanks in advance for suggestions. Oh and I am happy living in my home. Not looking to move. It is a perfect set up for me here as was our plan when we bought the place.
I joined this FB group of Carols as I am an Elder Orphan due to being a widow with no children or family. The group is great in many ways but I find it also terribly depressing with constant talk of poor me situations.I am not cold hearted and it hurts to read these stories. I understand many of us were thrown in to our aloneness due to loosing a spouse but I feel I must accept this and try to make the best of what time I have left. I am 68 and in great health. I like to improve my surroundings and make this a happy and peaceful place to live for myself and animals.
What I am looking for is a more upbeat group of EO to share ideas with. I have searched the internet and there does not seem to be any happy widows group. Of course I am NOT happy about losing my husband of 31 years but I do not feel I need to beat myself up for the rest of my life because he is no longer here. I am not looking for another relationship.
So I ask has any one come across an up beat EO group?s Thanks in advance for suggestions. Oh and I am happy living in my home. Not looking to move. It is a perfect set up for me here as was our plan when we bought the place.
I think you'll find that people in MOST age groups can't wrap their minds around someone being perfectly happy single and living alone. Good luck with your search; sounds like you've got your stuff together!
I think you'll find that people in MOST age groups can't wrap their minds around someone being perfectly happy single and living alone. Good luck with your search; sounds like you've got your stuff together!
Wow I am thinking you might be right. Guess I am the odd one out. Too bad really. I will keep looking and hoping. Maybe putting my focus more to groups of like interests instead of just EO or widows. Just seems there would be better understanding in groups where we face the same living arrangements or close.
Absolutely. There are Meetup groups for every conceivable interest and activity now. Just "do you."
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I'll just take my chances and try to enjoy life for as long as I (naturally) live...
