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Old 10-05-2016, 09:48 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
10,298 posts, read 4,871,936 times
Reputation: 21705

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So many people here making the suggestion that the OP try a dating site or some other way to meet men. Why do some assume we want another man in our life? Like I said I was 55 when I was widowed. After a year I did the online dating thing. After the 6th guy I realized I was happy without a man in my life. A woman CAN be happy single. We don't have to cook or clean after anyone else, we go where we want when we want, watch what we want on TV, etc.


I don't like the complication in my life that comes with being in a relationship. Now if I met someone in real life and we seemed to click, perhaps I would consider dating again but I don't think I will ever remarry.


I doubt meeting another man is what the OP needs right now.

 
Old 10-05-2016, 09:56 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,664,790 times
Reputation: 39054
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
So many people here making the suggestion that the OP try a dating site or some other way to meet men. Why do some assume we want another man in our life?


I doubt meeting another man is what the OP needs right now.

Regarding the bolded:
Why do some assume we want another man in our life?

Because, on the very first page when asked...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
so no senior thing, no volunteering, no job - looks like what you are looking for is a male companion?
the OP responded...
Quote:
Originally Posted by thenwhatareyou View Post
I think that you are right. I want someone to spend time with
 
Old 10-05-2016, 10:10 AM
 
131 posts, read 80,184 times
Reputation: 740
Quote:
Originally Posted by kauailover View Post
Go on a cruise!
Hello all! I'm back. That is exactly what I did. I just came back from a cruise. I had a great time and met wonderful people. It really lifted my spirits and encouraged me to get out more.

You have all given me some great advice and that is exactly what I needed. I'm looking into a few things where I can meet more people and the next time I meet someone at the car dealership or wherever, I'm going to reach out. What's the worse that could happen, they say no.

Again, I appreciate the ideas that you have put forth and it is a great help.
 
Old 10-05-2016, 10:13 AM
 
Location: NYC
1,869 posts, read 931,166 times
Reputation: 594
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Regarding the bolded:
Why do some assume we want another man in our life?

Because, on the very first page when asked...


the OP responded...
I agree, I thnk that is what she hinted at, but being shy.
Yes, it is risky, but she has to be careful and chose wisely.
 
Old 10-05-2016, 10:15 AM
 
Location: NYC
1,869 posts, read 931,166 times
Reputation: 594
Quote:
Originally Posted by thenwhatareyou View Post
Hello all! I'm back. That is exactly what I did. I just came back from a cruise. I had a great time and met wonderful people. It really lifted my spirits and encouraged me to get out more.

You have all given me some great advice and that is exactly what I needed. I'm looking into a few things where I can meet more people and the next time I meet someone at the car dealership or wherever, I'm going to reach out. What's the worse that could happen, they say no.

Again, I appreciate the ideas that you have put forth and it is a great help.
Good for you, and have fun with whatever you choose to do!
 
Old 10-05-2016, 10:17 AM
 
131 posts, read 80,184 times
Reputation: 740
Quote:
Originally Posted by jertheber View Post
I'll chime in here just for the fact of my own experience of being the survivor, my wife died a few months after I retired, we had moved to a new and very small town. In the aftermath of learning to be single again I found myself viewing things much as you do, lost, that's the only term that really fits.

In spite of others best intentions, most don't know the difference between being single for a long time as a voluntary thing, as opposed to finding yourself alone after the abrupt parting of your spouse. Even when knowing of their impending death, the end is always a total shock to your system, alone, to deal with the unfamiliar alone-ness. Advice in this scenario is purely subjective, simply because no one knows the entire dynamic of our marriage, nor can they assume this is simply a "being single" problem.

Survivors are left with an emotional burden wrapped in the framework of the best laid plans going awry, no one plans for their death, nor do we plan for the death of others. Carrying on, and trying to make new plans, that's the point, we have to move forward but how? I also did not want to mix it up with others until I found some emotional stability in my daily routines. We begin the healing from a position of grief, anger, loneliness, and all too often financial troubles. From there it's all uphill, pushing ourselves to get up and live, it ain't easy..

I got into photography and put all my energy into that for a time, DOING, that's the thing that helped me, just getting up with a purpose in mind was cathartic in itself. After a few years (age 65) I wanted to meet women and socialize on a regular basis, I met my current wife on a dating website, yes--it does work despite all the negatives expressed by others. Listen to yourself, when we're down, most of us know what we need, we just don't always know the HOW of getting what we need.

Had I taken the advice of others with regard to online dating I wouldn't have met my wife, Had I taken the advice of others I would have gotten a dog, joined a ton of meetup groups, moved closer to my daughter, instead I just got up every day and lived just like everybody else. I wanted to be happy, and finally found that happiness through my realization that amid all the grief, there was a kind of liberating aspect to being alone and doing as I pleased. Lemons--and lemonade..

After my wife died I heard from family and friends, the offerings of well intended advice was a real comfort, but I knew that in the end, my own compass was going to be the thing that drove my emotional recovery. I'm now eight years past that time of pain, re-married and enjoying life, time, and the will to change our situation make for a good combination when searching for our happiness.
You couldn't have said it more perfectly. My husband has been gone only 1 1/2 years and I'm now starting to even think that I may be able to go on a date in the future. I am making the best of being alone but just need some friends to pal around with. Thank you for this post. It gives me hope.
 
Old 10-05-2016, 10:22 AM
 
8,204 posts, read 11,918,472 times
Reputation: 17999
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
So many people here making the suggestion that the OP try a dating site or some other way to meet men. Why do some assume we want another man in our life? Like I said I was 55 when I was widowed. After a year I did the online dating thing. After the 6th guy I realized I was happy without a man in my life. A woman CAN be happy single. We don't have to cook or clean after anyone else, we go where we want when we want, watch what we want on TV, etc.

I don't like the complication in my life that comes with being in a relationship. Now if I met someone in real life and we seemed to click, perhaps I would consider dating again but I don't think I will ever remarry.

I doubt meeting another man is what the OP needs right now.

Ummmm, how about because that is exactly what the OP said she was looking for!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
so no senior thing, no volunteering, no job - looks like what you are looking for is a male companion?

Nothing wrong with that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thenwhatareyou View Post
Thank you. I think that you are right. I want someone to spend time with and i appreciate that you say that there is nothing wrong with that.

This is hard. Very, very hard.

ETA: I see Pitt Chick posted the exact same thing as I was cutting and pasting my reply. Rep for beating me to the punch, lol!
 
Old 10-05-2016, 10:28 AM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,664,790 times
Reputation: 39054
Quote:
Originally Posted by MadManofBethesda View Post
ETA: I see Pitt Chick posted the exact same thing as I was cutting and pasting my reply. Rep for beating me to the punch, lol!
Back at ya!
 
Old 10-05-2016, 10:31 AM
 
8,204 posts, read 11,918,472 times
Reputation: 17999
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
So one person (widow) out of 100's & 100's of 1000's or even millions is lucky to meet one compatible widower on a cruise. Beating the odds indeed.

And their love story? and wonderful life together expounded upon? meaning? what does their wonderful life together have to do with anything?

I wouldn't recommend cruises. No way would I ever ever get on a cruise ship.

But thenwhatareyou, the OP, is the one who is or isn't interested.

But extrapolating to some other single women like myself.....no, no cruise(s). Others, enjoy.

Cattalk1, those are wild ideas you present (the last 3 you list) and "a local need which you could fill with your own non-profit"???
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
For every one person who finds a companion using online dating or just someone to date, there are 100's and 100's of 1000's and more who did not have good experiences with online dating, did not find anyone to date or to have any sort of longevity with, found it ineffective or a nightmare, found themselves to be too old for many of the men who prefer younger and can get younger, were not chosen, had few responses, or found many in the pool of choices unappealing etc.

That being said, it doesn't hurt to try it.
LOL

You seem to know 100s and 100s of 1000s of people who are failures in multiple scenarios.
 
Old 10-05-2016, 11:33 AM
 
26,591 posts, read 52,313,328 times
Reputation: 20438
I can't comment on the failures... I do know happily married that met on dating sites...

Just about all are professionals in their 30's to early 40's... most had never been married... some had been in very long relationships.

I guess if the odds were as low as some think why would these sites still exist?
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