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Old 10-06-2016, 09:03 AM
 
Location: California
378 posts, read 361,323 times
Reputation: 336

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Quote:
Originally Posted by thenwhatareyou View Post
Hello all! I'm back. That is exactly what I did. I just came back from a cruise. I had a great time and met wonderful people. It really lifted my spirits and encouraged me to get out more.

You have all given me some great advice and that is exactly what I needed. I'm looking into a few things where I can meet more people and the next time I meet someone at the car dealership or wherever, I'm going to reach out. What's the worse that could happen, they say no.

Again, I appreciate the ideas that you have put forth and it is a great help.
Great to hear that!

Aloha

 
Old 10-06-2016, 10:02 AM
Status: "Rock on ancient queen" (set 19 hours ago)
 
Location: Bakersfield, Ca
1,846 posts, read 1,372,022 times
Reputation: 3945
I left my native south due to the "family oriented stuff " that was just never me and I had alot of kids but , they are all grown and happily they do their own thing .

I am in a second marriage to a European man and if he died before me I WOULD go on with my horses and the stuff I KNOW I like to do when I finally felt like it .

You can meet people in the strangest ways too , I bought a vintage Kenny Easley ( everyone knows my longtime love for the Seahawks ) poster from a guy in New York. I emailed him a pic of myself , Kenny and the signed 30 year old Costacos Bros art poster as he is a big Kenny Easley fan as well as just a plain vintage sports fan and he thought that was so cool he asked for my number !!! I can't of course , but still you meet people in all kinds of ways.
 
Old 10-06-2016, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,125 posts, read 9,086,149 times
Reputation: 11545
Nightengale: Tried to rep you for that wonderful story. Thank you so much. Enjoyed it tremendously !
 
Old 10-06-2016, 12:03 PM
 
4,127 posts, read 3,787,547 times
Reputation: 11333
Quote:
Originally Posted by thenwhatareyou View Post
I retired at 52 when my husband was 61 and went on disability.


I knew his days were numbered and we made the best of it. We traveled and did what we wanted to do and he made sure that I would be well enough off that I could stay retired. We had a wonderful time.

When he passed, I moved back home and hoped that I would have a life worth living but it's not working out. My relatives are either scared of their own shadow and don't travel outside of their small town or they work and can't get time off or they only spend time with their children.

I'm lost.

i find myself baking and cooking, only to have the company. This is not how I want to spend the rest of my life.

Did I focus too much on my husband and not look forward to my own future? Do I expect too much from my family? Am I supposed to wait until there are more widows that understand my position and want to take part. I feel like I am rotting away. It's so sad.

Has anyone else found themselves in my position?. Don't tell me to join church or senior groups. Not my thing.

If you have found yourself in my position, how did you break out of it?
You are lonely. So are most widows. If you would like to meet someone, you're going to HAVE to get out of the house where there are other people, preferably men, who would like to meet you. Nowadays, the best way to do that is through the internet because it gives you a way of being in contact with a large number of people within the parameters that you set. Be very, very careful about it, but you will maximize your chances of meeting someone to be with, through internet dating.

Even if you are an introvert, I think that you will find new friends and companions at senior groups and church. You say it's not your thing - so does every other miserable lonely retired person - until their family forces them to go, and then they love it, love being with new friends and doing things together. If you won't try it, you're being a fool. You're lonely and your time on this earth is not unlimited. Get out there and make new friends!
 
Old 10-06-2016, 12:31 PM
 
8,204 posts, read 11,918,472 times
Reputation: 17999
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
MadMenofBethesda,

I may write like I have multiple personalities, but I can assure you that I am just one man.

Now on to your post...


Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
Have you done any reading about online dating and the many websites involved in online dating? I suggest you do some reading about them - you would learn a lot.
You might try to do some of that suggested reading yourself. For example, here's a little article from a couple of years ago that reports on then-recent research from the University of Chicago. The study demonstrated that between 2005-2012, a third of all marriages began online. Moreover, the study noted that the marriages that came about as a result of online dating were more successful than those begun from more traditional meetups and dating.

https://news.uchicago.edu/article/20...ring-marriages

And in case you have difficulty with fractions such as 1/3, that means one out of three. It does not mean a ridiculous figure such as one out of "100s and 100s of thousands."


Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
I doubt if you are interested enough to read about them.

I think that I've already demonstrated the error in your statement.


Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
I also think it's funny that people who have never tried online dating or haven't dated in 40 years or more, so readily suggest online dating when knowing very little to nothing about it, nor have they read about online dating & the results of online dating in articles or on the web (yes, it doesn't hurt to try it)
Wow, you're wrong again. What a complete and utter surprise!

Well, at least you're consistent.
 
Old 10-06-2016, 01:42 PM
 
5,430 posts, read 3,452,633 times
Reputation: 13714
pigeonhole at post #110, NOT writing poetry, I was talking about reading poetry -

along with reading literature, it's all part of expanding the mind with literature If she doesn't like reading literature or poetry or biographies or non-fiction, that's fine. Other people reading this thread or in similar circumstances or with painful emotions, may enjoy spending time reading literature or poetry. It'a a way to spend time for lots of people.

Reading literature and poetry can lift the spirits. This thread is also directed toward people who are looking for new things to do in life or new things to concentrate on.

Last edited by matisse12; 10-06-2016 at 03:11 PM..
 
Old 10-06-2016, 02:09 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley
4,060 posts, read 9,116,556 times
Reputation: 3435
I'm not saying do this but hearing it might trigger YOUR version of this:

Some suddenly single senior women get RVs and join RV groups and travel all over the country together having a TON of fun (even women in their 80's are doing this). Some move to a mobile home community somewhere like AZ and have a ball with others their own age, younger and older. Some rent places in foreign lands for a month or two to experience something new. I'm mid 50's, alone, and would do any of the above (have and will).

Maybe these will inspire you to do something that's exciting for you. Staying around people who are full of fear will destroy you.
 
Old 10-06-2016, 02:33 PM
 
Location: Mount Airy, Maryland
10,463 posts, read 5,930,681 times
Reputation: 16160
Quote:
Originally Posted by thenwhatareyou View Post
Hello all! I'm back. That is exactly what I did. I just came back from a cruise. I had a great time and met wonderful people. It really lifted my spirits and encouraged me to get out more.

You have all given me some great advice and that is exactly what I needed. I'm looking into a few things where I can meet more people and the next time I meet someone at the car dealership or wherever, I'm going to reach out. What's the worse that could happen, they say no.

Again, I appreciate the ideas that you have put forth and it is a great help.
I am so happy to read this post. I wasn't suggesting you are looking for a man with my earlier posts, just said that to defend online dating sights as they do work. But the meet up site posted may be a great way for you to find people with similar interests.

I hope you find the happiness that you so deserve.
 
Old 10-06-2016, 02:44 PM
 
5,430 posts, read 3,452,633 times
Reputation: 13714
here is the full study cited above in full-text:
http://www.pnas.org/content/110/25/10135.full.pdf

If you look at the cited study much more closely and in full-text with charts, one finds that only 3 percent of marriages of those 65 and over are the result of online activity. And just 12 percent of those between 50 and 64 met online.

Since this is the retirement forum, I was speaking mostly about older people and retired people regarding online dating in my previous posts.

In all age groups in this study, 34 percent met online, and 64 percent met in traditional ways. But only half of that 34 percent in all age groups met through internet dating sites like Match.com and eHarmony. (so 17 percent in all age groups met using internet dating sites) The study's definition of meeting 'online' includes way more than just internet dating sites like eHarmony and match.com. The study's definition of meeting online includes chat rooms, discussion groups, social networking, game sites, online communities, instant messaging, virtual world.

Last edited by matisse12; 10-06-2016 at 04:13 PM..
 
Old 10-06-2016, 04:09 PM
 
1 posts, read 612 times
Reputation: 10
Originally Posted by thenwhatareyou View Post
Thank you. I think that you are right. I want someone to spend time with and i appreciate that you say that there is nothing wrong with that.

This is hard. Very, very hard

I think you were selfish in the past when your husband was alive. But you must understand that "a person that need friends must show himself friendly"
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