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Old 10-02-2016, 03:02 PM
 
131 posts, read 80,310 times
Reputation: 740

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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
I think it's very important to cultivate a lot of interests in life and in retirement.

If one has very few interests, it can lead to lethargy.

Since you have an interest in baking and cooking, I would expand your interests to include, for example, art, painting, gardening, poetry etc., anything that captures your spirit.

I agree that motivation in retirement can be minimal or lacking. It's up to you to expand your mind and expand your interests.

Think of it as having an intellect, and expanding that intellect. Maybe add in some exercise, if possible, too, and do something physical.

You're an important person in your own right, and not a person who is only living a life in relation to your deceased husband and your family living nearby.
I try to think that I am important and to try to move on but it's not as easy as it sounds. For example, I took my car in for service and while waiting for our cars, I met a woman that in 5 minutes, I knew that we could be friends. How do I approach it? Should I ask her to meet me for a drink or for a bite to eat or a cup of coffee. Would she think that I was gay or I had some other agenda? Do 60 year old women really reach out to other women. She probably has lived here her entire life and has a family and friends and i'm new here. She may see me as strange.

I want to move on, but I guess I don't know how to.

 
Old 10-02-2016, 03:11 PM
 
2,829 posts, read 1,008,958 times
Reputation: 3276
Go on trip. There are university groups or others that set up travel tours for older/ single people. Would be a nice way to get out meet others and hopefully make some connections
 
Old 10-02-2016, 03:14 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,253 posts, read 8,548,360 times
Reputation: 35677
Was there a reason you moved "home"? You sound so unhappy and out of place and that your family is hurting more than helping you. Can you move back to where you retired to? Did you have at least some friends there? Maybe you need to move to a bigger city to find more people like you and with more things to do beyond just church and "senior" stuff.
 
Old 10-02-2016, 03:34 PM
 
131 posts, read 80,310 times
Reputation: 740
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Was there a reason you moved "home"? You sound so unhappy and out of place and that your family is hurting more than helping you. Can you move back to where you retired to? Did you have at least some friends there? Maybe you need to move to a bigger city to find more people like you and with more things to do beyond just church and "senior" stuff.
I moved back home because my husband and I lived rural and I was not comfortable living there alone. i had nowhere else to go.

The small town that I am in seems to lend itself to family. I watched my grandmother live her small town life and die without ever a hint of pleasure beyond her family. Even though I have been gone for many years. and had a good, full life I find myself back living that same old boring life and I'm scared to death that I may die living the mundane.

It's not easy to say, move somewhere exciting, a big city, when you are all alone.

Maybe, I'm not asking for advice, but to warn others, don't only look out for who you love, but look out for yourself.
 
Old 10-02-2016, 03:43 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,253 posts, read 8,548,360 times
Reputation: 35677
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Was there a reason you moved "home"? You sound so unhappy and out of place and that your family is hurting more than helping you. Can you move back to where you retired to? Did you have at least some friends there? Maybe you need to move to a bigger city to find more people like you and with more things to do beyond just church and "senior" stuff.
Quote:
Originally Posted by thenwhatareyou View Post
I moved back home because my husband and I lived rural and I was not comfortable living there alone. i had nowhere else to go.

The small town that I am in seems to lend itself to family. I watched my grandmother live her small town life and die without ever a hint of pleasure beyond her family. Even though I have been gone for many years. and had a good, full life I find myself back living that same old boring life and I'm scared to death that I may die living the mundane.

It's not easy to say, move somewhere exciting, a big city, when you are all alone.

Maybe, I'm not asking for advice, but to warn others, don't only look out for who you love, but look out for yourself.
No, I understand the fear...you just sounded more adventurous than your family and obviously had a life beyond family. You are looking for something beyond that, and yes, small towns are much more about family because there is little beyond that and church, and a few community organizations with even volunteer opportunities largely limited to church.

It doesn't have to be a "big" city - but one an hour or two away that is bigger? Are there any women where you are that you could go on day or weekend (or even longer) trips with? You don't even need that much in common with them, just the desire to get out and go.
 
Old 10-02-2016, 04:08 PM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,926 posts, read 992,155 times
Reputation: 6981
I am probably just too tired to do the math, but have you said how long your husband has been gone?


My husband died after a long illness. I went through a lot of stages, and sadly, too many years, before I began to feel like myself again. I don't know if I could have hurried the process or not. I felt many of the things you describe. Most women my age, at least in the south, socialize with family. And let's face it. Outside of the family, and sometimes inside, a single woman is seen as a threat. And there are more single women than men. Just about everywhere, with a few exceptions.


I don't know how you look out for yourself when the person you love is dying, so don't beat yourself up over that. I knew my husband had a terminal disease. I was a nurse and his death was still a shock. Ours was a second marriage for both of us. My husband was 10 years older. The age difference didn't seem like much before his illness. Now I feel like I lost a big chunk of my life. Sometimes I am bitter.


Do approach women who seem congenial. You may get rebuffed, but keep trying. The fear of appearing gay is strong here in the Bible belt, but I have made a few solid friends.


In my life, and I think this holds true at any age, I have met men when I was doing things that I enjoyed for myself. Things that made me happy. Looking for a man never seemed to work for me. So think about what YOU like to do and maybe there will be someone there who likes the same thing. For me, it might be a bird watching trip or community garden/ master gardener project.


Don't wait. Not every plan will work. Don't give up. And if you are comfortable financially, you have EVERYWHERE to go!


Beach Sportsfan had a good suggestion.


good luck


And if you don't have pets, don't get one now. I love my dogs but they keep me home.
 
Old 10-02-2016, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,128 posts, read 9,091,165 times
Reputation: 11545
Why don't you look into a 55+ community, while you have time and can move anywhere. You may find some that don't mandate 55, and they always have tons of things to do, people to meet and you will be very very busy. I think this is a solution for alot of women who find themselves alone in their older ages because there are so many of us around. Birds of a feather... so they say.
 
Old 10-02-2016, 04:50 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,680 posts, read 3,253,088 times
Reputation: 11982
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhxBarb View Post
Why don't you look into a 55+ community, while you have time and can move anywhere. You may find some that don't mandate 55, and they always have tons of things to do, people to meet and you will be very very busy. I think this is a solution for alot of women who find themselves alone in their older ages because there are so many of us around. Birds of a feather... so they say.
A 55+ community may sound like a good idea at first. I have lived in one for over 5 years. Maybe 3 or 4 men live here, mainly married. So finding someone where you live is unlikely. Sadly, there are clicks that develop in these communities; if you aren't a joiner, don't care to play bingo or cards, you find yourself being a loner.

This is strictly my opinion and I am sure many others will have opposing views. But please be very careful, do some research, write out a list of pros and cons about what you want to do next.

I am currently trying to find another place to live that is within my financial limits and in an area that makes me happy.

Good luck to you.
 
Old 10-02-2016, 04:55 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
12,541 posts, read 4,242,077 times
Reputation: 9858
Meetup groups.
You need to find some hobbies, or cultivate the ones you already have.
Do you have money, if yes, you could look to travel and perhaps meet someone in that manner.
 
Old 10-02-2016, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,060 posts, read 17,382,869 times
Reputation: 41514
Quote:
Originally Posted by thenwhatareyou View Post
I try to think that I am important and to try to move on but it's not as easy as it sounds. For example, I took my car in for service and while waiting for our cars, I met a woman that in 5 minutes, I knew that we could be friends. How do I approach it? Should I ask her to meet me for a drink or for a bite to eat or a cup of coffee. Would she think that I was gay or I had some other agenda? Do 60 year old women really reach out to other women. She probably has lived here her entire life and has a family and friends and i'm new here. She may see me as strange.

I want to move on, but I guess I don't know how to.
If you would have asked me, a 64 year old woman who has lived in the same city most of her adult life, I would have jumped at the chance to meet someone new and get to know her.

Now, I may not have been able to go out with you, as I am the fulltime caregiver of s disabled spouse, but I certainly would not have thought it strange nor would it have ever crossed my mind that you were gay.

Heck, even if you were gay, as long as you weren't expecting that we would hop into bed, it would still have been nice to meet potential new friend.
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