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Old 10-02-2016, 05:09 PM
Location: Location: Happy Place
3,694 posts, read 1,870,935 times
Reputation: 11331


Do some reasearch. Find an interesting mid-sized city, Fort Worth, Tulsa, etc.
Sell everything except a skeleton wardrobe.
Go to your new town.
Find an apartment, rent it.
Slowly get out there, go to plays, music, festivals, etc.

You will have to be brave.

Old 10-02-2016, 05:31 PM
10,817 posts, read 8,065,019 times
Reputation: 17029
If you're interested in politics, the next few weeks is a great time to meet people. There are lots of volunteer opportunities in all parties at all levels.

I worked on a voter registration drive earlier this year and met two women with whom I've become friends. One was a fellow volunteer, one was a woman who stopped at our booth. I'm an introvert, never approach strangers socially (i.e., I don't chat with them in grocery stores or at the doctor's office), so working with people turned out to be a good icebreaker. Both of these women are somewhat introverted too.
Old 10-02-2016, 05:40 PM
Location: North Carolina
478 posts, read 300,733 times
Reputation: 1697
-Community colleges and universities offer some cool classes.
-Check to see if your library or local bookstore offers a book club. Read to children. Those are some good get togethers.
-Also check out your local recreation center. I have met some really neat people of all ages by just taking some classes. They offer an array of fun classes like pottery, painting, tai chi, zumba, jewelry making, etc. Don't limit yourself 55+ classes either.
-Check out the local cultural center or theater. I volunteered at one for a few years, just to meet people and get out at night. I just took tickets, sat people, handed out play bills, etc. Saw some fun plays!
-I also got involved in the local downtown development association and volunteered for local events.
-Check out your local center for aging. Do you know how many oldsters have no one to talk to and are stranded at home or in the nursing home.
-Nursing homes are another feel good place...you have no idea how good you will feel by making someone else smile.
-Get a low key part time job somewhere you have interests. IE: Craft stores if you like crafts; gardening center if you enjoy gardening, etc.
-Learn to play an instrument..I taught myself to play the ukulele with online tutorials and found out they have uke jams a few times a month at a church and a local music store . And not everyone is good either, it's just fun getting together.
Not everything was my cup of tea, but it's just important to get out of the house and stay on a schedule, or you'll go crazy...at least I did!

Good luck and hang in there! It'll be okay!

Last edited by Stacey27520; 10-02-2016 at 06:29 PM..
Old 10-02-2016, 10:09 PM
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,588 posts, read 39,962,822 times
Reputation: 23725
Shot in the dark since you have not disclosed your interests...(what do you want to do where? And with whom and when?

We are a very civil bunch, our 1st interest is helping YOU, (and any readers to follow) so I doubt you will get flamed.

Here is where I meet a lot of friends who would be great 'keepers'. (Trust me.... I am FAR different than you, but that is great. We're all different, so not boring!
1) volunteering in community gardens
2) taking classes (i really like our CC and private U's). I even teach in 3, very seldom, cuz I am seldom home.
3) volunteer usher at concerts ( some volunteers are pretty stuffy, but some of us have great fun and enjoy the free concerts!)
4) helping others... We all have our quirks, so I'll expose mine. I Love volunteering helping with hospice. Night shift is best for me (farmer by day). Families often have very strained relationships, so I just ask them if they would allow me to spend the nights with their loved one. I will read, sing, recite poetry, hold hands, watch movie(a stretch for me since I have't had a TV for 50 yrs...).. Whatever they want. It is a pleasure for me to be with their ill loved one, I don't sleep much anyway. (30 yrs working nights)
5) traveling... I again tout the hospitality guest homes I so enjoy.(many hundred stays in last 30 yrs, nearly 200 this year) Very safe, very appropriate for widows / singles. In fact 2x we have stayed with were recent widows stressed about moving / what to do, so we just changed our plans and stayed and helped. Painting a new house and moving one. Fixing the old house to sell, and packing for another. Excellent choice. We are still great friends and it was over 10 yrs ago. Both widows are quite happy, healthy, active (very differently). So very happy for them, it was a season of struggle and both were overwhelmed. (I've been overwhelmed for nearly 60 yrs, so 'normal' for me, and nice to help others out of their darkness.). On the guest homes, you have a profile of host, so you can pick someone interesting to you. Tho ALL have been interesting to me. Many are professors, librarians, teachers, scientists, musicians, farmers. Sometimes we sing in the evening before bed. Always the host is informative on area, giving hints, museum passes, fetching you to subway and picking you up, packing you a lunch, welcoming you back home.... Not bad for $10/ night worldwide. My favorites are not in this list, but many nice stays are.
Hospitality exchange - Wikitravel

But.... I too could say 'not the retirement (life) I expected'.... I have had many curve balls, detours, re-boot, and down right tragedies (as have most).

You've made an acknowledgement. Nice first step to a next chapter. Congratulations, you will look back and recognize how important this time / struggle was to your finished tapestry of life. (Which will be most beautiful). Nice fruit takes diligent pruning. Wish it wasn't so.
Old 10-02-2016, 10:40 PM
Location: Silicon Valley
18,100 posts, read 22,968,690 times
Reputation: 35273
How would your future have been different if you'd "looked out" for yourself instead of your husband?

Would that have guaranteed you'd have lots of close friends in retirement?


So, just like many people in the world, your life has changed, and now you have to figure out what to do with the current circumstances you have, in order to be happier.

You just never could have planned in any way that would avoid the possibility of being in a situation where you find things have changed in a way you didn't want or anticipate. Husband or no. Family or no.

Your depression sounds bad, so you might want to look at if you are bad enough to need some medication. The fact that you are still active and are baking says to me that you probably don't. If your depression was severe, you wouldn't even be able to bake.

Just to let you in on a tiny bit of my situation - I couldn't afford to retire where I wanted to, which was where I was living and was happy with where I was living, for the most part. To find somewhere I could afford, I had to move to a very small town, very, very different from the SF Bay Area. There is virtually no culture here. There are no senior bus trips, there is no Recreation Department catalogue of classes and events.

So, I am having to completely change my idea of entertainment or socializing. I also don't like volunteering or church.

I got a community garden spot, I take my dog for walks every day at the beach or the park - getting a dog is a great way to get you out and exercising. Even getting a cat for company, having some creature to love and take care of is good medicine. And I'm forcing myself to go to workshops and events that happen randomly here. I went to a winter gardening workshop just yesterday at the community garden.

I also am getting back into crafts and plan to sell them at the local farmer's market next year. I was thinking you could sell your baked goods at your local farmer's market, maybe. This will involve me more into a "group" than I normally prefer. I don't like group dynamics or politics. But, if I'm going to stay here and not become a complete hermit, I have (after 2 years of fighting it) decided to compromise.

I ended up really enjoying the winter gardening workshop, even though a couple of other gardeners did irritate me LOL. But, people are right. You have to force yourself to keep getting out and trying something new. I tried several volunteer groups and didn't like them. So, I'm trying something new - again. This is two years almost, of being here and figuring out how to be happy here. So, it is not something that happens overnight, if you're not a social, church going, volunteer type, like me.

I know it's hard. I am lucky, in a way, in that I have absolutely zero interest in getting involved with anyone. So, I don't have to deal with that stuff. And really, there's so much more freedom and peace without having to deal with living with a man LOL. But, I know a lot of women want a man. I just came to realize when I was around 50, that having a man meant more work and less sleep LOL. No longer interested.

If I was to give you advice on what you should do tomorrow? I'd say get a pet to take care of. It gives you someone (thing?) to love, that will usually love you back, and as far as a dog goes, they force you to get out and exercise, which really helps. It's a good way to meet other people, too. I meet people to chat with all the time when I'm out walking my dog. In fact, if you have a dog park in your town, it's a great place to sit and hang out with others while your dogs run around. You can also join dog clubs and dog training groups, which is great fun.

I send you best wishes and thoughts, and hope you find some contentment :-)
Old 10-02-2016, 10:40 PM
130 posts, read 88,626 times
Reputation: 282
Before my stepfather passed away, he and my mother would spend winters in Mazatlan. They'd rent an apartment, joined a tennis club, made friends there and generally had a good time. When my stepfather passed away, they had already booked the apartment for the Winter and about a month six weeks later, she hopped on a plane and went down and played tennis, took lessons, and had friends visit from up North.

Remember, it's not up to someone else to get you out doing things. Get out and do them. You'll eventually find people with similar interests.
Old 10-02-2016, 11:22 PM
5,426 posts, read 3,450,730 times
Reputation: 13709
it's mind-blowing how great the posts are in this thread! I think so anyway. i'm bowled over.
Old 10-02-2016, 11:24 PM
Location: Long Neck , DE
4,903 posts, read 3,035,109 times
Reputation: 8025
Get a dog. They need attention and do return love.
Old 10-03-2016, 12:41 AM
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,588 posts, read 39,962,822 times
Reputation: 23725
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
i'm bowled over.
Never thought of Bowling!, maybe that is OP's thing. It probably is more fun with two or more. I'm pretty bad at bowling, our league that met after 2am end of shift kicked our team off after we chose to go sledding one night we had a beautiful snow. 3 of our team got broken bones when we all jumped on a tarp and went down the hill together. We weren't too hot at either bowling or sledding. They never invited us back

Another detour in life, ouch at least we had healthcare back in 1973 Not doing any sledding (or Bowling) these days (no HC),
Old 10-03-2016, 02:05 AM
5,426 posts, read 3,450,730 times
Reputation: 13709
hahaha! StealthRabbit!

To thenwhatareyou: I wanted to mention that music is medicine. It can raise your spirits and change your outlook.

and in my case, it has changed my life. Becoming immersed in watching live jazz as it is performed live on stage by professional jazz musicians at Smalls Jazz Club in New York City (via computer and it's free) has enriched my life dramatically. it also led to me having a jazz commentary which has lots of followers and is great fun.

Also there are 100's & 100's of radio stations that you can listen to on the internet.

For example, if you like standards try:

Martini in the Morning station Martini in the Morning, MartiniintheMorning, Martini-in-the-Morning - radio stream - Listen online for free

Crooner Radio Listen To Us

If you want to have fun switching between dozens of great stations, call SiriusXM, and ask them for a low-priced trial of their web version where you listen on the internet.

(no special radio is needed and you can listen on the internet with your computer or any device)

Welcome to the world of satellite radio - SiriusXM Radio (bonus: they have no commercials)

If you want to see LIVE jazz musicians performing live on stage as the performance is happening live, go to:

https://www.smallslive.com it's free! and there are professional jazz musicians performing every night from 7:30pm eastern to 3:45am eastern (and 4pm to 3:45am weekends) it's straight from Smalls Jazz Club in Greenwich Village, New York City. It's just like being there in the club where you can watch every detail.

Also there are 100's & 100's of internet radio stations depending on your interests and genres you like:
type the following into google.com: radio on the internet

Last edited by matisse12; 10-03-2016 at 03:27 AM..
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