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Old 10-04-2016, 05:04 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,978,143 times
Reputation: 15649

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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
I always find it amusing when older people who have not dated in 40 or 45 or 50 or 55 years think dating is the same today as it was back then, in high school in 1955 or 1958 or 1959 or maybe college or young adulthood, and that women are the same now as then or that cultural mores haven't changed.

And that thinking online dating is almost just like regular dating. It rarely is.

Some older men in befuddlement say in their profile 'I want women who do not play games' meaning acquiescence of women, being deferred to by women, and women being grateful for any attention. And women readily accepting any man no matter what his condition or persona. Those are code words in older male dating profiles.
How about the line "no baggage" posted by both men and women? LOL

 
Old 10-04-2016, 05:18 PM
 
3,835 posts, read 1,980,227 times
Reputation: 18216
Do yourself a favor. Look up Meetup.com

It isn't a dating site. It's a "meet people" site. Meetup is a fantastic way to meet local people in your area, people who share the same interests as you. If you don't see anything that intrigues you, start your own group.
 
Old 10-04-2016, 09:45 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,100 posts, read 22,968,690 times
Reputation: 35282
The OP is long gone.
 
Old 10-05-2016, 01:47 AM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
3,359 posts, read 10,912,557 times
Reputation: 3843
This is what I recommend. Take a piece of paper and number the lines 1 to 50. Create a bucket list of things you might even remotely want to do, want to do again, or have never done. Be creative, not bound to location, and don't stop till you have the whole list done no matter how far fetched or silly.

I started with golf lessons, dance lessons, getting a degree in an emerging field, going to museums, musical performances, and other things. Some of them I needed to find a companion to do them with and that's a great ice breaker for forming new friendships.

The other thing I do is have social cards printed up a couple of hundred at a time; name, address, phone number, and cute art logo. It's actually a really old fashioned thing but great if you talk to someone you like and want to see about getting together you just hand them one and say call me and we can get together for coffee.

I know if I had stayed in the small city where I grew up as an older single woman I would be miserable even though family is there. I would be watching tv all day long. I never watch it here. I moved to a place where everything I could want is easily nearby. Everyone here is from someplace else so you have no choice but to reach out. One friend lead to another and now there is a whole group of women who go out to live music, some of them seven days a week. They go kayaking, have birthday parties together, and are there on a daily basis as an important support group.
 
Old 10-05-2016, 03:19 AM
 
Location: Mount Airy, Maryland
10,463 posts, read 5,930,681 times
Reputation: 16159
Quote:
Originally Posted by jertheber View Post
I'll chime in here just for the fact of my own experience of being the survivor, my wife died a few months after I retired, we had moved to a new and very small town. In the aftermath of learning to be single again I found myself viewing things much as you do, lost, that's the only term that really fits.

In spite of others best intentions, most don't know the difference between being single for a long time as a voluntary thing, as opposed to finding yourself alone after the abrupt parting of your spouse. Even when knowing of their impending death, the end is always a total shock to your system, alone, to deal with the unfamiliar alone-ness. Advice in this scenario is purely subjective, simply because no one knows the entire dynamic of our marriage, nor can they assume this is simply a "being single" problem.

Survivors are left with an emotional burden wrapped in the framework of the best laid plans going awry, no one plans for their death, nor do we plan for the death of others. Carrying on, and trying to make new plans, that's the point, we have to move forward but how? I also did not want to mix it up with others until I found some emotional stability in my daily routines. We begin the healing from a position of grief, anger, loneliness, and all too often financial troubles. From there it's all uphill, pushing ourselves to get up and live, it ain't easy..

I got into photography and put all my energy into that for a time, DOING, that's the thing that helped me, just getting up with a purpose in mind was cathartic in itself. After a few years (age 65) I wanted to meet women and socialize on a regular basis, I met my current wife on a dating website, yes--it does work despite all the negatives expressed by others. Listen to yourself, when we're down, most of us know what we need, we just don't always know the HOW of getting what we need.

Had I taken the advice of others with regard to online dating I wouldn't have met my wife, Had I taken the advice of others I would have gotten a dog, joined a ton of meetup groups, moved closer to my daughter, instead I just got up every day and lived just like everybody else. I wanted to be happy, and finally found that happiness through my realization that amid all the grief, there was a kind of liberating aspect to being alone and doing as I pleased. Lemons--and lemonade..

After my wife died I heard from family and friends, the offerings of well intended advice was a real comfort, but I knew that in the end, my own compass was going to be the thing that drove my emotional recovery. I'm now eight years past that time of pain, re-married and enjoying life, time, and the will to change our situation make for a good combination when searching for our happiness.
This is the best post I have read this morning, and I get up early. Dating websites DO work. Hell if nothing else maybe you could strike up an online friendship with a male companion. It will be a safe way to relieve the loneliness.

Good luck to the opening poster. This poster shows you can get through this.
 
Old 10-05-2016, 04:37 AM
 
2,742 posts, read 725,012 times
Reputation: 7081
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sgoldie View Post

The other thing I do is have social cards printed up a couple of hundred at a time; name, address, phone number, and cute art logo. It's actually a really old fashioned thing but great if you talk to someone you like and want to see about getting together you just hand them one and say call me and we can get together for coffee.

I know if I had stayed in the small city where I grew up as an older single woman I would be miserable even though family is there. I would be watching tv all day long. I never watch it here. I moved to a place where everything I could want is easily nearby. Everyone here is from someplace else so you have no choice but to reach out. One friend lead to another and now there is a whole group of women who go out to live music, some of them seven days a week. They go kayaking, have birthday parties together, and are there on a daily basis as an important support group.
So do people really contact you after you've given them the card? It just seems like the card would get lost. And that people wouldn't have the initiative to call and to make the second move (great that you make the first move by handing out the card). In my experience and others that I know of, even people you've gotten together with won't bother to call/text/e-mail about getting together.
 
Old 10-05-2016, 07:55 AM
 
Location: pasco washington
75 posts, read 51,609 times
Reputation: 113
be happy, and the rest will follow.
No person, object, amount of money will make you happy. Happiness is up to you and only you.
 
Old 10-05-2016, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Location: Happy Place
3,694 posts, read 1,870,935 times
Reputation: 11331
Default Ymca

Quote:
Originally Posted by jambo101 View Post
You need to remain socially active,join a gymn,join the YMCA, go to a pool several times a week,talk to the people.
I belong to a gym and NO ONE ever talks to anyone. Ever. I've tried and got weird looks.
 
Old 10-05-2016, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
3,359 posts, read 10,912,557 times
Reputation: 3843
Do people contact me after giving them my social card? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. It does make a bigger impression than just saying 'hey it would be nice to get together'. It looks more professional and dignified and better than the number on a napkin bit. I've heard its become an emerging trend here with so many people from elsewhere trying to make friends.
 
Old 10-05-2016, 09:15 AM
 
5,163 posts, read 2,780,290 times
Reputation: 8275
Quote:
Originally Posted by mschrief View Post
I belong to a gym and NO ONE ever talks to anyone. Ever. I've tried and got weird looks.
We must live in the same town.
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