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I retired at 52 when my husband was 61 and went on disability.
I knew his days were numbered and we made the best of it. We traveled and did what we wanted to do and he made sure that I would be well enough off that I could stay retired. We had a wonderful time.
When he passed, I moved back home and hoped that I would have a life worth living but it's not working out. My relatives are either scared of their own shadow and don't travel outside of their small town or they work and can't get time off or they only spend time with their children.
I'm lost.
i find myself baking and cooking, only to have the company. This is not how I want to spend the rest of my life.
Did I focus too much on my husband and not look forward to my own future? Do I expect too much from my family? Am I supposed to wait until there are more widows that understand my position and want to take part. I feel like I am rotting away. It's so sad.
Has anyone else found themselves in my position?. Don't tell me to join church or senior groups. Not my thing.
If you have found yourself in my position, how did you break out of it?
If joining groups isn't your thing, or volunteering isn't your thing, or going back to work isn't your thing....I'm not sure how you can get what you want.
The first step is to determine what you expected your retirement by yourself would be like. Then you have to make plans to make that happen. But if you expected your relatives to be part of it, I hate to say it, but that's a dream.
Its the same dream where friends of mine were convinced by their children to move near them, away from all the friends and activities they developed where they lived. Their kids then dump them in an apartment nearby, and visit once a month. They are very very lonely and wish they had not given in to their kids who wanted to keep them safe in a bottle. But safety in a bottle is no good for the elderly parent. I will never permit my kids to do that to me.
Did I focus too much on my husband and not look forward to my own future? Do I expect too much from my family? Am I supposed to wait until there are more widows that understand my position and want to take part.
Yes.
Yes.
No.
What DO you want from life? Once you fugure that out, you will know what to do to achieve that.
Personally, if my husband were gone, I would be doing the same things I do now!
Spend time with friends, visit family as their schedules permit, volunteer, mentor, participate in group activities.
This may sound a little odd, but if senior groups and church aren't your thing, see if Meetup is in your area and join a group or groups that center around an activity that you enjoy. You may or may not find a male companion that way, but you are likely to find friends and at the very least you'll be doing something you enjoy.
I think it's very important to cultivate a lot of interests in life and in retirement.
If one has very few interests, it can lead to lethargy.
Since you have an interest in baking and cooking, I would expand your interests to include, for example, art, painting, gardening, poetry etc., anything that captures your spirit.
I agree that motivation in retirement can be minimal or lacking. It's up to you to expand your mind and expand your interests.
Think of it as having an intellect, and expanding that intellect. Maybe add in some exercise, if possible, too, and do something physical.
You're an important person in your own right, and not a person who is only living a life in relation to your deceased husband and your family living nearby.
Last edited by matisse12; 10-02-2016 at 02:45 PM..
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,711 posts, read 58,042,598 times
Reputation: 46182
Quote:
Originally Posted by thenwhatareyou
..... This is not how I want to spend the rest of my life.
......
Start here^^^^^^
How you want to spend the rest of your life is still a mysery to all of us.
Btw; there are plenty of early widowed posters here.
How long has it been?
What is your next step?
They will be different for each of us.
What do you wish you had done yesterday, or today?
What is holding you back?
The LAST thing I would ever do is DATING.... Never seemed fun or valuable to me. I start with friendships and let them grow naturally. I don't want to be surprised that someone I had dated had a false facade. You will need a few ways to meet friends. I am sure you already have plenty. Nurture and learn from those.
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