U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-07-2016, 11:00 AM
 
Location: california
5,658 posts, read 4,886,853 times
Reputation: 6682

Advertisements

I have a surplus of tools that are designated for loan or give away ,largely because I inherited many of them from dad that collected every thing. Some tools however I've had and graduated from ,needing higher quality tools to work with in my profession. Older cheap even broken tools often turn into modified tools that often have a one time use for an unusual problem.
I don't loan my good tools .

Concerning the OP, a simple solution is to require a deposit, replacement price of the tools. no discount for being used. if they fail to return in the allotted time, or loose or break the tool due to poor handling, it will cost the price of the new tool to replace it.
If the tool happens to be special and particularly hard to find double the price of the deposit.
note that some times hardware stores will rent tools.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-07-2016, 11:01 AM
 
1,191 posts, read 665,070 times
Reputation: 4129
There are just some people in life who are "takers" and I have no problem turning them down when it becomes an irritant. I have an in-law who uses her small church and contacts (can't call them friends) for her personal supply of worker bees.

She has roped someone into plowing her driveway for the entire season for free (this guy has a business and usually gets paid). She even expected the church to throw her elderly mother a birthday party with the entire congregation invited. The church provided a small cake after one service.

Among other things, the last straw was asking a nurse to drive her mother to doctors' appointments and take notes to relay to her. She was outraged when the nurse said she would cut her usual rate and only charge her $20 an hour. Of course, she felt as a good Christian the nurse should have done it for free!

In the future, she plans to use our home as a vacation spot. It will never happen. I can't think of one time she has gone out of her way to help anyone else.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2016, 02:10 PM
 
4,315 posts, read 2,527,661 times
Reputation: 7686
Always leary of people who stop in and act like they are a concerned friend .


.........." I haven't seen you in awhile and wonder how you are doing "..( they drive past my house daily )


The next sentence out of their mouth is the asking/demanding of a favor.
Seems my well being only concerns them on the same day they ask/demand a favor.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2016, 05:13 PM
 
Location: Florida Baby!
5,209 posts, read 671,957 times
Reputation: 3129
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post

Is it because you're afraid that if you do this task for her, she will ask for more favors? That may be true. I don't understand though not wanting to cut a board for a neighbor since you have two saws.

You wouldn't need to lend her your new saw - you could cut it for her.


Just say, "Sure"--and name your price. You'll see how fast she stops pestering you......

Though you might have to put up with a lousy reputation around the apartment complex--but then again, do you care??
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2016, 05:23 PM
 
Location: New Mexico
6,592 posts, read 3,677,435 times
Reputation: 12401
Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraC View Post

Tell her Home Depot offers Do-It-Herself workshops and free weekly workshops and maybe she might want to sign up for them.


Maybe she'll find a guy at the workshop who will do her chores...maybe a new guy in her life?


My next door neighbor retired and became a handyman for all the local widows and made some money...it was not free service but he was there when they needed somebody. I saw him paint a lady's house with 22 gallons of paint pretty much on his own. I helped him move furniture but he did the painting.


People look at me and my house and know not to ask.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2016, 05:31 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in deep in Maine
3,658 posts, read 2,814,601 times
Reputation: 4436
When I was a lot younger, there was this incredibly attractive young lady who I worked with at the private school. She used to wear short shorts when we worked weekends, and a very very small white bikini at the school pool.

I remember(and this is almost 50 years ago) that when ever she came to my office during the week, I was happy to help her do anything she needed.

I saw her about 40 years later. She had not aged well.

I really think it depends on a lot of things if you will help someone. At my age now, there are still people like that, that if I helped them too much, my wife would move to her bad side(and age has been quite kind to my wife, way more than the girl from 50 years ago). I can think of one right now who most surely made a pact with the devil.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2016, 08:05 PM
 
1,202 posts, read 831,400 times
Reputation: 2222
Quote:
Originally Posted by arleigh View Post
I have a surplus of tools that are designated for loan or give away ,largely because I inherited many of them from dad that collected every thing. Some tools however I've had and graduated from ,needing higher quality tools to work with in my profession. Older cheap even broken tools often turn into modified tools that often have a one time use for an unusual problem.
I don't loan my good tools .

Concerning the OP, a simple solution is to require a deposit, replacement price of the tools. no discount for being used. if they fail to return in the allotted time, or loose or break the tool due to poor handling, it will cost the price of the new tool to replace it.
If the tool happens to be special and particularly hard to find double the price of the deposit.
note that some times hardware stores will rent tools.
I don't even load out my cheap tools. like you Chinese tools get turned into something that I need to modify and make a special tool.

if you can't afford NEW tools go to the pawn shop. you can quality brand names for really cheap if you know what to look for and don't mind making up a set.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2016, 08:45 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,124 posts, read 22,989,204 times
Reputation: 35318
My next door neighbor is a woman who is 78 years old. She's the one who came to my window asking me to let her into the building because she didn't use the magnetic key box I bought her LOL. She had asked me if I'd keep a spare key for her, and I deflected, and then bought her the magnetic key box instead. She has never asked me for another favor.

She will regularly bring me free food or knock on my door and let me know about free food in our community room. The food banks deliver free food to our building. She has gone out of her way many times to either bring me some food that was delivered for free, or that someone else gave her and she wasn't going to use (like extra zucchini from her daughter's garden). None of this has cost her any money, but she's gone out of her way to let me know about the free food in the community room, or brought me some. I've never asked her to do this.

In return, I will often give her food that I get from the food bank or the commodity giveaway. I think she's okay with taking free food that's delivered here, but she doesn't want to be seen standing in line at the public food giveaways.

Anyway, just today I bought some tupperware at the Dollar Tree that I thought was just a single tray, but after removing the packaging, it turned out to be a tray that was divided into two sections - like for freezing a meal with rice on one side and meat on the other, etc. This wasn't going to work for my purposes (I wanted to use it as a paint tray for my small roller) and I didn't want to keep it (live in a super small apt) and didn't want to bother with holding up the line at the Dollar Tree to return a one-dollar item.

So, I knocked on her door and asked her if she'd like to have them (2 in the package) and she said she'd love to have them.

The beauty of this "friendship" which is really just a nice neighborly relationship, is that she has never once asked me for a favor other than to keep a spare key for her. She never acts like it's weird for me to offer her something for free, like the tupperware. She just says, yes, she'd love to have them.

And I don't feel put out, and I have no guilt over her letting me know about free food, or her giving me zucchinis occasionally from her daughter's garden.

There is no weirdness, and no stress whatsoever with our neighborly "friendship." She has her own car, has never asked for a ride, etc. She's never asked me to do any favor for her whatsoever.

So, it just made me realize today when I went to ask her if she wanted the tupperware, that the difference between my 78 year old neighbor next door, and my 56 year old neighbor across the hall - is night and day.

This is the type of difference I'm talking about. I've never had to explain to my next door neighbor how I like things to be tit for tat, etc., etc. It just is. And it's natural. I never feel put out, and I never feel like I'm asking for too much.

I happened to complain to her about how the other neighbor put weird expectations on picking me up after my cataract surgery and she said she'd be happy to do something like that for me, with no expectations. I'm 60 and she's 78. It was really nice to know she'd do that for me. But, I'd never expect it, or even ask, unless it was a dire emergency.

The difference is night and day. And she also knows about my hobbies and my workbench, etc., and all she's ever said is "Good for you," basically.

Night and day.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2016, 08:59 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,124 posts, read 22,989,204 times
Reputation: 35318
Quote:
Originally Posted by in_newengland View Post
Anyway...users come in all ages. I knew one back when I was in my 40s. I was working, she was on welfare with a young kid who gave her a hard time. I offered some advice on the kid, was nice to the kid when I saw her, gave them rides a few times--and then the mother asked me to tutor the kid in reading. When I asked how much the tutoring job would pay, she shut up. (I MIGHT have helped for free but this woman was a user and not a very nice person.)

I recently cut off a "friendship" because this woman friend who has been married five times and is on her own for the first time at age 75, has asked me for five years to teach her how to use a computer. She has the computer, her man friend paid for wifi for her so I said, "Just set up a time and I'll come over and teach you."

She never took me up on it. We used to order vitamins online together but I would get stuck with it on my cc. (She's one of these people who doesn't "believe in credit cards.") Yes, she would pay me back, but she took it for granted. Then she started calling me up with, "Since you have a computer, could you look something up for me?" I did it a few times. The last time she called I was in the process of rushing out of the house and told her I didn't have time. I haven't heard from her since.

My next line to her would have been, "They have free classes in computers at the senior center if you really want to learn."

Now I definitely do not mind being neighborly and helping someone who is very old or infirm and can't do anything back for me. There are people who are in that unfortunate position. As long as they express gratitude, I don't mind. It's the takers and users that I refuse to help. The people who act like poor, helpless little victims and they ask me because it's just easier to ask ME.
Oh gosh, I have learned in these subsidized senior apartments, to deflect certain questions. Unfortunately, in senior communities, if you participate in any of the group activities or even stop to chat with someone, you'll get the questions that you learn to recognize as lures to get you to do something for them. One of them is, "Do you have a computer?" Ahhhhh!!!!! I've learned to just say, "Yes." Then, the conversation will morph into they have an old Disney collection they want to put for sale up on Ebay, or whatever. What I've learned to do is say, "There are computers at the library," to which they will usually say something like, "They aren't helpful" or "there's never one available," etc. The trick is to just then say something like, "Huh, that must be frustrating." or "I'm sure you'll figure something out."

With one relentless tenant here, I had to finally say, "I don't want to get involved in that." He kept insisting that I help him sell stuff on Ebay. He wasn't gracefully letting me deflect or passively avoid the subject. I had to repeat it several times, "I don't want to get involved in that." He finally gave up. And this was a guy I was seriously trying to avoid! He sits in the chairs in front of the post office boxes, where you can't avoid him LOL.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2016, 09:05 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,124 posts, read 22,989,204 times
Reputation: 35318
Quote:
Originally Posted by shamrock4 View Post

In the future, she plans to use our home as a vacation spot. It will never happen. I can't think of one time she has gone out of her way to help anyone else.
You know, right now I live in a really tiny studio apartment. I've had folk hint they want to stay with me because I live at the coast. I say, "sure! But, you do realize I live in a studio apartment that's about 115 square feet. You can possibly squeeze in an air mattress and it will be like we're sharing a pup tent, but come on down!'' LOL, they never do.

Maybe you could say, "Sure! We've been storing a bunch of stuff in the spare rooms, but you can stay in the living room on an air mattress. And we'd really appreciate your help painting the house while you're here!" LOL.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top