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Old 10-10-2016, 01:03 PM
Location: In a vehicle.
5,030 posts, read 3,217,456 times
Reputation: 8217


I don't mind helping someone out, but yes if they are in "Constant" need, then I just let the request fall into the rejection bucket and let it stay there.
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Old 10-10-2016, 01:17 PM
4,315 posts, read 2,524,483 times
Reputation: 7686
Originally Posted by MadManofBethesda View Post
No, that's not what the posters are saying. They're saying that they would never lend a stepladder (to anyone), or they would never lend tools (to anyone), or that they would never perform a favor (for anyone) without ensuring that they received something in return.

Their philosophy is not limited to users (as you describe them) but to any and all fellow human beings with whom they come in contact. And they think that those of us who do perform favors without expecting or receiving something in return are suckers.
check out the 8th paragraph of the OP............." but she is relentless"

Some people don't take "no" for an answer.
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Old 10-11-2016, 08:51 AM
16,720 posts, read 14,706,912 times
Reputation: 41127
Originally Posted by Nikki Siam View Post
He then started complaining that our cats made his dog bark. I have known of people complaining of a barking dog but never one complaining about their own dog barking.
Because many cat "owners" let their cats out to roam around and it infuriates many dogs. I had an issue like this with my neighbor across the street. I started letting my dogs out the front door when the cat came into the yard and let them chase the cat back across the street a few times, and the cat quickly learned to stay out of my yard and stop irritating my dogs.
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Old 10-13-2016, 02:54 AM
4,189 posts, read 4,399,951 times
Reputation: 2228
I would charge her or trade for something in kind. Make me dinner and I'll fix that...wash my car and I'll fix that...
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Old 10-13-2016, 09:59 PM
Location: Silicon Valley
18,110 posts, read 22,968,690 times
Reputation: 35290
Originally Posted by David A Stone View Post
( last sentence of 1st paragraph )

"when you ask them to do one small thing "

a handy man near me, single/divorced..........asked the following favors...which I obliged

#1........drive him 45 miles at midnight to an Amtrak station
#2........drive 3 miles twice a day to feed, water, and check on his dog for a week

( all the while I was caring for my bed ridden wife who was dying )

#3.......(shortly after she died ).....he needed a ride 30 miles away to get his truck which broke down ( my car, my time, my gas )

I then asked, later, if he could help me readjust a door.........20 minutes
He did and then said after getting done that his rate for handyman is $25 per hour with a one hour minimum charge. When I laughed and asked if he was serious, he said " favors are one thing, business is business "

I handed him the $25 check and told him never to stop by or call again .
Yep. Perfect example. At this stage in my life, I wouldn't have given the $25. Even a few years ago, I would have. Today, I'd tell them, well, how about I deduct the $25 from all of the taxi rides you owe me for. Shall I send you a bill for the balance? And then, never speak with them again.

I tried to find a video on Youtube of someone hinting to use something you have, and couldn't find one. Someone had said, well it sounds like she was just asking how much the paint cost, etc., when I said she was hinting for me to let her use my expensive craft paints.

How they act, is they do a whole routine where they start out with a lament about how they need something....then they pause.....and sigh......and if you don't take the bait, they lament some more......and pause.......and sigh........and maybe throw in some puppy eyes and a pitiful whoa is me look......

It's just so obvious they are waiting for you to say, "Oh, here, take mine! Use mine!"

I'm just learning to let the pause sit there. It's my nature to want to help, to want to fix a problem. But, I'm the person these guys are trolling for (as in fishing). They pull this stunt on everyone they encounter, I believe. It's a numbers game. They're looking for the one who will take the bait.

And maybe in their minds, they aren't deliberately doing anything wrong. Maybe in their minds they're honestly believing they have a need they are hoping someone will notice they have, and be willing to help them, because after all, nice people should help them when they need it.

But, these guys don't understand that a favor should be repaid in kind when needed. Just like the example above. They are fine with hinting and taking, and maybe they really don't see any of this as anything that needs to be repaid. But, when someone asks them for a favor, they are not the kind of person who will do something kind and generous out of the goodness of their heart. Their initial response is that they should be paid for doing anything for you, and that you or anyone else, is out of line to expect them to do something for free.

They don't understand the balance of giving and taking.

For those who have perfect neighbors and perfect neighborhoods where everyone gives and takes equally - good for you. Unfortunately, that's not the norm.
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