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Old 10-14-2016, 07:15 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,614 posts, read 17,598,460 times
Reputation: 27693

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A big concern as someone who has moved around a lot, and of particular note to seniors, is that if you have lived and worked in a major metro all your life, moving to a small town is going to be a major shock.

I've seen dozens of threads over the years on the Tennessee forums where you'll have a retired or soon to be retired couple wanting to move from some rich megalopolis to some poor country town in the middle of nowhere with absolutely no clue how things work in these areas. People often excessively romanticize small towns like they're some sort of Mayberry - the reality on the ground is that these days many small towns are suffering from a lot of social ills. Here in Tennessee, rural areas are struggling with a lot of unemployment, substance abuse, high crime (often domestic and/or related to drugs), and a lack of services.

We recently had a thread from a couple retiring from CA that wanted five acres minimum, to be able to hunt and farm on the land, with a house, all for less than $100,000. That's not happening with a house that's better than a tear down. A lot of rich area retirees' expectations are way out of line with what's possible in rural areas. If you worked in a high wage place like southern CA and can't afford more than a $100k property in retirement, you can't afford to retire.

Granger / Hawkins County Info needed?

Someone from metro Boston or NYC, for instance, trying to retire to an isolated county in some poor area is going to be in for the shock of their lives. They'll probably move back and lose a ton of money.
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Old 10-14-2016, 07:24 AM
 
1,316 posts, read 1,736,926 times
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Most of our friends pre-move are "work" and "meetup" friends too so leaving won't be too painful. When kids were little, our friends revolved around children and they have drifted away. I have already discovered that people we have met in our new locale on previous visits seem much friendlier than where we are leaving.
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Old 10-14-2016, 07:35 AM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,926 posts, read 992,155 times
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I will miss my friends, but I am such a curiosity in my new location that people have already come to see the old woman sleeping behind the house at the end of the road, and some, I think, will turn out to be friends. It is the South, so of course I have been invited to church and I think I will go. Someone brought me a Tupperware plate full of beans and cornbread and rice and gravy "just what they had for supper" and I had other offers of hospitality which I refused, hopefully with grace. I think I have established myself as not being "needy".

I still want privacy, but I think I can keep to myself and still be part of a community, if that makes sense. The curiosity will wear off and people will get back to their lives as usual. I have a big mailbox, all my own. I plan to write letters, real words on paper in a stamped envelope, to friends I miss.

And I agree that moving alone and moving as a couple are totally different. From where I sit, considering my past relationships with mostly traditional partners, alone looks easier, at least at my age. The dogs have turned out to be remarkably adaptable.
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Old 10-14-2016, 07:42 AM
 
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, originally from SF Bay Area
29,830 posts, read 54,521,132 times
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Of course, we will miss friends, but we plan to stay within 2-3 hours drive from where we are now. We moved over 800 miles and two states away before, and have managed to keep in touch with our best friends over the last 23 years. Some of our best friends seem to be up here every month or so, as their daughter ended up staying here after college. Also, we had no problems making new friends here so we'd expect the same wherever we end up in retirement. Hopefully we'll figure that out in the next 3-4 years, so far we only have it down to about 5 places, and will spend time in those to learn more about them.
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Old 10-14-2016, 07:48 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,791 posts, read 4,846,494 times
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Of course you miss your old friends when you move. That's only natural. They're still your friends though. You can still visit them, and vice versa, and keep in touch through Facebook or e-mail. We have made far more new friends here in our new place than we had in our old place. DH lived in the same metro area for 59 years and had friends from his childhood there. We both worked for our same employers for 20+ years, so we had a lot of work friends too. He has so enjoyed making new friends with whom we have much more in common than going to the same elementary school or workplace. I go back once a year to see family and friends and I hope that in retirement some of them will come visit us. You do have to put yourself out there a bit more to make new friends, but that's good for us to keep from becoming so insular and introverted. We have hobbies and activities to participate in and we enjoy meeting new people.
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Old 10-14-2016, 09:52 AM
 
Location: SoCal
13,252 posts, read 6,351,451 times
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My family are my close friends. I live near all of them. I'm start making friends in my neighborhood. Also church is a problem. We have not bonded with the church locally so we have decided to go to my daughter's church once a month. They have better donuts there.
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Old 10-14-2016, 10:10 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,142 posts, read 45,675,592 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbieHere View Post
My family are my close friends. I live near all of them. I'm start making friends in my neighborhood. Also church is a problem. We have not bonded with the church locally so we have decided to go to my daughter's church once a month. They have better donuts there.
We found that, unless you have children in school, the only really good way to form friendships is through church. If that isn't working it's very hard.

We have always been very social, with no problem getting a social circle, but since we've retired and moved to a different state, it has been impossible to gain a network of social friends. After 6 years, we are friendly with the neighbors, but for various reasons, like the wife next door has agoraphobia, and the wife across the street died, and the wife on the other side still works, it has never worked out.

Part of me knows that I could try harder, but in a way, it's sort of a relief.
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Old 10-14-2016, 10:22 AM
 
489 posts, read 326,752 times
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I am a little concerned. I'm not shy but am an introvert so have a hard time going out of my way to find/cultivate friendships as I'd rather stay home, read a book, walk the dog, or play with the kitties. I have a lot of workplace friends but only a very few close friends that I see on a regular basis. I spend a lot of time with my significant other but that gets old, LOL. I need to get out more as it is, so I know I need to figure out how to make friends once we move.


I've kind of narrowed down the places we're considering for retirement to places where I know a couple of people already, which might help. I also hope to work part time and/or do volunteer work.
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Old 10-14-2016, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,142 posts, read 45,675,592 times
Reputation: 61842
I joined the Lions Club, and I read to grade school children once a week. The other women and I go out to lunch on that day. That has been very enjoyable. I know, if I really wanted to I could pursue other social things with them, but I guess I really don't want to badly enough. I also don't go to meetings, because I hate meetings, but if I did I would know more people.
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Old 10-14-2016, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,681,631 times
Reputation: 35449
The only thing I miss about Portland is the good long-time friends I left behind. I am living in a great Senior living place now where people are friendly but so far no real friends. I know it takes time. When I moved from Chicago to Portland in my thirties it took awhile to find my niche of friends but was easier because I was younger. Now that I am in a place where there are people established in friends and family circles, I just have to find those who may be like me.
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