U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
Old 10-14-2016, 05:16 PM
12,825 posts, read 20,141,183 times
Reputation: 10910


My wife and I have found ourselves meeting new friends hundreds / thousands of miles away via both short term away-from-home stints (work, family, others) and vacations. Part of it, I think, is adopting the "live like a local" philosophy. And to those used to living in various sorts of sub-culture bubbles, who may worry about cultural disconnects in their new place, realize that living like a local does not mean you have to adopt the locals' values lock stock and barrel. Some things are better left unsaid - vote privately for your politics and vote privately with your pocket book.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 10-14-2016, 05:20 PM
88 posts, read 69,120 times
Reputation: 260
Originally Posted by N.Cal View Post
So very true. I'm still working but was relocated 4 years ago. I still miss all of my very good friends so much. I do NOT do church and am single and am far from a Southern mentality, so it's been very difficult, though I do have a few friends here from my hobbies.
What is "a Southern mentality"?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-14-2016, 08:18 PM
1,734 posts, read 1,949,340 times
Reputation: 3901
Originally Posted by StealthRabbit View Post
during our 'kid years', many relationships were formed by camping / sports / homeschool...

now / later, it takes TIME together, so... try to do potlucks, concerts in the park, ...

but MOST are now formed by volunteering during a community event (something that lasts at least 6 hrs... entire weekend is best). Camping / travel / hiking / photo club events... Takes TIME together.

Do some humanitarian aid projects together (flood / tornado relief) .
Work at a local thrift store.

Habitat for humanity ReStore, or 'building projects' work for many.

Volunteering in community parks / Gardens is VERY nice. Usually 4 hr schedules + 2 weekends / yr. Nice that you are creating enjoyment for others while displaying / learning new skills. Tangible results bring better bonding! (that is why bosses are so lonely, they don't get to share in the deliverable)

Serving at homeless shelter, then you sit down and eat together (after cleaning up)

Clubs / church are really too short of time together.

Being STRESSED together works even better. Thus the humanitarian aid thing is very nice way to establish and deliver friendship to co-workers and the needy.

Mentoring? Do you have some skills to TEACH others? 4-H, Big Brother / sister / nursing homes /
Very good advice and I shall keep it in mind! I also found that having an external focus ("activity") was helpful during the teen years, when none of mine would talk about ANYTHING, lol!

Best to you and yours!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-14-2016, 08:29 PM
13,319 posts, read 25,561,639 times
Reputation: 20505
I have stayed in touch thanks to the internet and a true basis for friendship with several people from the past. I expect to continue this and add the few friends I have in my current place. Where I'm going, I gather there are a number of transplants. I am very outgoing and good at conversation and hope to at least line up a few people for lunch, conversation, and someone who will notice if I don't show up for volunteering or some commitment. I'm not a church goer, but there is one local community church that seems to be a center for volunteering, and I might get to know them (more likely they are not transplants).

It helps that my community of friends has largely left the eastern MA area over time- for career, weather, dreams, and affordable real estate. It's not like I have "a gang" of people in their 60s to go listen to music or something!

Getting older is a lonely process. Friends of the heart are a precious rarity wherever and whenever you find them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-15-2016, 05:47 AM
4,343 posts, read 6,057,486 times
Reputation: 10428
I do better with traveled people than I do with homies and I enjoy having friends everywhere. We'll be splitting our time between two places and a woman who also winters in the same area found me by way of county records. We've been pen pals and I look forward to meeting her in person in January.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-15-2016, 06:07 AM
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,112 posts, read 45,631,484 times
Reputation: 61727
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
Just a few thoughts.

I seem to find that people who have lifelong friends haven't seemed to grow too much as a person. I know there are exceptions but the odds of two people having similar interests and experiences after 50 years are long.

I disagree with the people that think church is a great place to find friends. My impression of church people isn't good. Very judgmental, nosy, and will drop you in a minute if you don't fall into step on most issues.

I think it is easier for a single person to make friends. You only have to like them. You don't have a spouse that also has to like them. I hope the couples don't only have couple friends. Eventually one of you will be single again and the couples won't be around for long after that happens if there are no singles in the group.

I live in a 55+. It is rare to see people from a friends past show up. I am sure they had every intention of staying friends and getting together but I don't see it happen much.
I disagree, but your experience is your experience. Our lifelong friendships were formed from the neighborhood we lived in in the 1970s. We were all raising kids and building our careers. Nobody stagnated, all have lived many places and done many things, and only one or two are still there. Yet we are still in touch, and get together from time to time. There is a precious thread of connection. Who else remembers what happened 40 years ago, but old friends?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-15-2016, 07:07 AM
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,975,704 times
Reputation: 15649
For those who have moved far and not found new friends, is that a deal breaker for your staying?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-15-2016, 07:47 AM
Location: Arizona
5,946 posts, read 5,302,666 times
Reputation: 17916
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
If they had similar backgrounds, from the same town, etc., there's more reason to think they'll be similar than different.
Your life experience is what forms you as a person, the good and the bad.

A class reunion will show you how much people of similar backgrounds and location have changed.

People from the same family have the most in common but how many people drift away from relatives over time.

It always comes down to life experience. If people share those throughout the years people may have the same friends for 50 years but I still think it is rare for people to share the same experiences.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-15-2016, 07:48 AM
3,345 posts, read 3,048,724 times
Reputation: 4871
Originally Posted by joni78 View Post
What is "a Southern mentality"?

One example: "You are very direct."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-15-2016, 08:28 AM
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,664,674 times
Reputation: 35449
Originally Posted by RiverBird View Post
For those who have moved far and not found new friends, is that a deal breaker for your staying?
No. I could no longer afford to live in Portland. My meager financial resources were dwindling too fast. Here in Lakewood, I am just fine in that department with a bit to spare. I have upgraded my life in a huge way. The opportunities here for older people are at least three times as much as in Portland in the way of affordable housing and activities.

The past ten years I lived in Portland, I felt the city had changed so much I felt I was already living in a different city by the time I moved away from it. I don't like what that city has become.

Had I been able to afford the ever-increasing COL in Portland, I still would have relocated to a place more suitable for me.

Last edited by Minervah; 10-15-2016 at 09:15 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top