U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-15-2016, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,090 posts, read 45,584,713 times
Reputation: 61690

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by N.Cal View Post
One example: "You are very direct."
I disagree. A southern woman will never say anything bad to your face.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-15-2016, 09:04 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,768 posts, read 4,822,990 times
Reputation: 19382
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I disagree. A southern woman will never say anything bad to your face.
That's what the poster was talking about. Many southern folks place a high premium on manners and being polite. Being too direct can be perceived as rudeness, thus the comment "You are very direct". It's a polite way of saying that you have made a faux pas, but they don't want to come off as saying something "bad" to your face.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-15-2016, 10:28 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,364 posts, read 7,911,249 times
Reputation: 53456
My friends and the kids in my life are giving me a real hard time about moving to Maine, and yes, not seeing them as often as I'm used to is a real concern. We also have wonderful neighbors that we have a lot of fun with. I've been watching too much of The Nightmare Next Door but that is a real concern as well. Imagine finding your perfect dream house and having to live next to a total rectum in your golden years, Yikes!

I thought a great compromise would be living in our current house part time and living in Maine for a few months. John is complaining about making the road trip twice a year. He wants to live there full time and I think he's being a big baby about a two day road trip twice a year. Hmmmm. Maybe he could live there full time and I could visit him part time. Maybe my evil plan has hatched. I was just on another thread about how I never get any alone time. Very tempting

The rental properties will be out of our life in the next two years and we will have to make some decisions then. Until then I'm totally enjoying my life here. It's very diverse and rich. I love living in Mayberry.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-15-2016, 02:08 PM
 
6,597 posts, read 3,736,021 times
Reputation: 13650
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverBird View Post
I'm impressed that so many retired couples and singles on here report that they are moving or want to move, some of you at great distances.

I also know that some of you moving expect to find new friends at church, clubs, etc. For others:

- Are you not concerned in general about finding new meaningful relationships, esp in 60s and 70s

- Are you basically a loner/loner couple so this just doesn't factor in

- If for whatever reason you don't make friends in the new place right away, are you ok with that? Do you think there's a chance it will be challenging?

- What about the years of cultivated friendships left behind? One-on-one's, and groups? Are you not going to miss them in person?
Yes, you will lose those friends in your long-time residence. You may keep in touch, but it won't be the same. Everyone moves on.

I expect to find new friends. They will not be the same as the ones left behind. There's no time to develop long-term friendships, any more. That's okay.

I would want a couple of pals to go to the movies with, have a few laughs with, maybe play cards with occasionally. That's enough for me.

Most of my old friends weren't all that great, anyway. I had worked many hours, so didn't cultivate deep friendships; I was not able to go on vacations with them, or drive out to the boonies for a bar-b-que, etc. No time.

My new friendships will be different. Slower paced. Hopefully less frantic (I moved from a large city).

I plan on making friends by joining a gardening club or political club, maybe volunteering at something. Maybe through an exercise group. I'm very independent and don't seem to need companionship as much as some others do. But I do need SOME. I really enjoy other people (viva la difference). I also have a presence on the internet and belong to a couple of subject-specific forums. (But I don't do facebook.) I may try getting a part time job, so would have social contact that way.

If you need friendships that are based on decades of bonds, you won't have that if you move. Something for you to think about.

I've moved before a couple of times when I was younger. I was alone and knew almost no one there. It was hard and traumatic, but I managed. So I'm experienced at it somewhat and know what to expect.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-15-2016, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Greenville, SC
4,628 posts, read 3,694,680 times
Reputation: 8613
Yes, it's a concern -- but I'll be 70 in January and over the decades have lived in eight communities in five different states so I'm used to starting over from scratch. One of the criteria for any area I move to will be an Eastern Orthodox parish where I can make connections. It would be harder if I weren't looking for a faith community -- in that case, I'd join local organizations where I could meet people who share my interests.

I'm comfortable in my own skin and enjoy doing things on my own, so not making friends right away isn't a concern for me.

I have some family and friends here, but not all that many. Most of my family at this point have passed - I'm left with a couple of nephews and a niece, none of whom live near me. I have a few church friends. It's harder to meet new people as you get older, I think, whether or not you stay in the same place. Which means you have to be more intentional about it.

Old relationships can be kept going with social media and videoconferencing. I've connected with a lot of old friends and classmates on Facebook. Not as good as seeing someone in the flesh, but we have a lot more options for keeping up with friends and family than we had 20 years ago.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-15-2016, 04:25 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,723,738 times
Reputation: 32304
I have posted before to the effect that I never considered relocating after retirement because I liked where I was - I am still here and I still like it. There is a deep level of comfort, which I never tried to analyze precisely, but I think some of that comfort has to do with having a very small number of real friends, friends who go back to graduate school. We have a lot of history together, and even though there were periods of time when we didn't see each other in person for a couple of years, that deep friendship is still there, and growing stronger in old age.


If I were to move, I know I would meet people with whom I would be on friendly terms, but it just wouldn't be the same, and that is one of several reasons why I will be in the Los Angeles area until I die. The other reasons have to do with the rich cultural advantages and the excellent weather. The ONLY downside to this area which affects me personally is the terrible traffic, but many other metro areas share that negative trait.


It will be a rather lonely time if I turn out to be the "last man standing", but that is just life. There is no guarantee against ending up alone - having children is not even a guarantee although one's odds are better with children, other things being equal.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-15-2016, 05:34 PM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,183 posts, read 1,338,732 times
Reputation: 6286
Quote:
Originally Posted by orngkat View Post
Most of our friends pre-move are "work" and "meetup" friends too so leaving won't be too painful. When kids were little, our friends revolved around children and they have drifted away. I have already discovered that people we have met in our new locale on previous visits seem much friendlier than where we are leaving.
I think you will find that people you meet in a location who came from somewhere else are more apt to be friendly. True locals may wait awhile to see if you are going to stay.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2016, 04:59 AM
 
3,339 posts, read 3,042,920 times
Reputation: 4868
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I disagree. A southern woman will never say anything bad to your face.
Yes they would rather pussyfoot around and hem and haw. Life is way too short play such stupid games.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2016, 08:58 AM
 
14,252 posts, read 23,969,886 times
Reputation: 20025
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
The only thing I miss about Portland is the good long-time friends I left behind. I am living in a great Senior living place now where people are friendly but so far no real friends. I know it takes time. When I moved from Chicago to Portland in my thirties it took awhile to find my niche of friends but was easier because I was younger. Now that I am in a place where there are people established in friends and family circles, I just have to find those who may be like me.

The problem that you run into in Cleveland is that a lot of the locals have lived their all their life with maybe a break for their college years. They have had friendships of 30-40 years. They may become friends with you but they will always be closer to all the people they have known for a lifetime.

My aunt is 94 and is living in a phenomenal home in Cincinnati. She has been pretty depressed recently. Forty of her classmates had been getting together for years (>70) since high school. She just found out that the one lady in Alzheimer care passed away and she is the last one left.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-16-2016, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,964,817 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by jlawrence01 View Post
The problem that you run into in Cleveland is that a lot of the locals have lived their all their life with maybe a break for their college years. They have had friendships of 30-40 years. They may become friends with you but they will always be closer to all the people they have known for a lifetime.
This is true of many insular cities and towns. I find it here where we moved 5 yrs ago from 1/2 hour away. It's one of the things that really makes me stop and think in regard to moving elsewhere.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top