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Old 02-25-2008, 09:22 PM
 
69 posts, read 232,462 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthmeetsSouth View Post
I've been very lucky in that even when things weren't easy there were always lessons to be learned, so I have always looked on the hard times as "tuition" for the educaton in life I was getting.
I lost my only child last year. If I could go back in time I would spend more time doing fun things with him. I was always the responsible one, and my ex, his dad, was the fun one. We divided up our responsibilities accordingly. Dad would take him on vacation, movies, etc. I would teach him how to handle money, develop a good work ethic, be responsible, etc. And I am the one who pointed him toward joining the military.
If I could go back in time I would try to change who I am so that I could have been the fun one who was making all of the great memories with him.
I don't know the circumstances of the loss of your child, but I do know that many marriages and parenting styles are like yours - one parent super responsible, one fun loving. I am sure that your child had wonderful memories of both his/her parents with their different gifts and was grateful to have your guidance and help with daily life. It sounds like YOU were the parent that really molded your child. You have much reason to be proud.
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Old 02-26-2008, 06:52 AM
 
1,861 posts, read 3,023,912 times
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Originally Posted by Redrover View Post
If I had a "do-over" I would certainly make different career choices. To be honest, when I graduated from high school, I just thought I would go to college, major in elementary education, marry and never work again. Boy, did I guess wrong! To begin with, although I loved the actual teaching part, I loathed the administrative part of the job. Having to follow all the district and state guidelines and kow tow to parents was more than I could stand. So, there I was with a teaching certificate and no where to take it. Once my daughter was in school full time I realized that I needed to work for my own satisfaction and was not really prepared to work in the non-"academic" environment. As a result, I have spent the last 25+ years doing secretarial work which is not how I imagined I would be satisfying my urge to work. Although I am finally making pretty decent money for this kind of work, at this point I am only working for the money this close to retirement and have little real job satisfaction. But in my defense, when I went to college there just weren't as many options for women and few of us imagined we'd be in the workforce for our entire adult lives - that teaching certificate was good for having a "fallback" option if our husbands either died prematurely or divorced us, not for a lifelong career. The only other regret is that I should have started saving/investing for retirement much sooner and more agressively.
Boy, I can relate to that! I was in high school during the 60's, and at that time we had 4 choices: secretary, wife and mother, teacher, or nurse. No one ever thought about doing anything else. Like you said, we were supposed to be married and taken care of! What a hoot!! I didn't even get married - didn't want to. I found out I had to take care of myself. What a shock.

I think it's still hard for me to fathom, since my father took care of me the first part of my life, and I expected someone else to finish up the job!
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Old 02-26-2008, 07:11 AM
 
13,314 posts, read 25,546,272 times
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I think a lot of women have this subconscious feeling that "someone" should take care of them, regardless of their ability to make a living (although I certainly know plenty of middle-class women with some old liberal arts degree who are one man away from welfare).
I turned 18 in 1971. I knew I had no interest in being married or a parent, I had no idea (blue collar) as to how you got a job besides factories or waitressing. But I was lucky- my cab-driving father never paid the bills on any regular basis (a compulsive gambler) and I never internalized the idea that men+money. To this day, I only hope to break even!
I've always felt, there's nothing more feminist than a buck in your own pocket- one that you put there yourself. Even the most devoted man can get sick, permanently laid off, etc. I think it's utterly unfair to put that burden on men.
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Old 02-26-2008, 10:41 AM
 
Location: Houston, TX
1,610 posts, read 4,392,514 times
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cousinsal, you left out that other undefineable career option - home economics major. What the he77 was that?
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Old 02-26-2008, 12:16 PM
 
1,861 posts, read 3,023,912 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Redrover View Post
cousinsal, you left out that other undefineable career option - home economics major. What the he77 was that?
I guess that's part of the 'wife and mother' choice. I HATED those classes! To this day, I don't cook. I can sew in order to mend something. Learned that in 4-H. lol
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Old 02-26-2008, 12:18 PM
 
Location: DC Area, for now
3,517 posts, read 12,048,324 times
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About the only regret I have is that I wasn't smarter about my ex-H before I married him and that I gave him a second chance. I wish I had cut my losses sooner. But then again, it was probably the only way to learn the valuable lessons.

I never thought I should rely on a man to take care of me. From the time I was knee-high, my mother counseled me on the importance for a woman to be able to take care of herself because you never know what will happen. Her father died when she was little and her mother had to support the family through the Depression on her own. I went to college, I worked, I always financially carried my own weight. I don't regret it. Now, I'm comfortable and secure. I'm self-sufficient and feel like I can do almost anything I want to do. Yes, the real freedom for women is being financially independent. That allows real choice, whatever that choice may be.
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