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Old 10-24-2016, 11:52 AM
 
Location: OH>IL>CO>CT
5,236 posts, read 8,406,103 times
Reputation: 7191

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Rosemary,

From reading a section of SSA's official Program Operations Manual System (POMS) at https://secure.ssa.gov/poms.nsf/lnx/0200305005 titled "Determining Marital Status", it appears that a "Non-marital legal relationships (e.g., civil unions, domestic partnerships) for opposite-sex couples" situation calls for an individual legal opinion by SSA's legal people.

Perhaps this is why the SS office, etc can't give you a quick answer to your question.
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Old 10-24-2016, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,485 posts, read 43,777,962 times
Reputation: 47257
In that case OP needs to visit with a SS expert and not just any old lawyer. I doubt anybody except a SS expert would even know how to advise her on how she can make this work for her. Don't most counties have someone who could direct her to the right person? I'd hate for her to continue asking questions and paying to somebody who has no experience with this.
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Old 01-27-2017, 07:43 AM
 
1,780 posts, read 2,166,874 times
Reputation: 5877
Ultimately, I decided to go it alone and forego the QDP. It's messy and could *potentially* interfere with my widow's benefits (which start at age 60).

Alternatively, I'm currently paying almost $600 a month for health insurance through my late husband's work (via COBRA).

It's now been nine months since my husband put a Glock in his mouth and there hasn't been a single day that I haven't sobbed for some period of time. Everything about my life has changed and there's no going back.

Earlier this month, I spent two weeks with my late husband's family in another state and it was a good visit, but it was also sad to see how far-reaching a single suicide can be. He's left a wake of hell for the rest of us to deal with. I used to believe in "positive thinking" and "gratitude lists." No more.

I'm still reading Kushner's book on a regular basis. It's the only thing that brings me a measure of peace.

If you want to destroy your family and ruin their lives for decades to come, committing suicide is the fastest path.

On a less-depressing note, my brain has started to heal - albeit slowly. The health care professionals (and there have been many) tell me it'll take 2+ years to feel human again.

Thanks for the replies. I appreciate it.
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Old 01-27-2017, 09:43 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,485 posts, read 43,777,962 times
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Thank you for your post. You just may have saved a life or two here. I hope your recovery continues smoothly.
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Old 01-27-2017, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Location: Happy Place
3,694 posts, read 1,869,692 times
Reputation: 11321
Compartmentalize. Put the past and the horrific details in that little box. Lock it. Go forward. Make a new life. Move somewhere you've always wanted to live, do something out of your typical realm, get a job, travel if you can afford it.
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Old 01-27-2017, 06:08 PM
 
168 posts, read 129,903 times
Reputation: 844
This may help. http://finance.zacks.com/domestic-pa...fits-3905.html
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Old 01-27-2017, 08:30 PM
 
4,315 posts, read 2,523,101 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RosemaryT View Post
I know I saw the answer on the IRS website, but I can not find it again. Plus, I visited an attorney and asked him 101 questions and can't remember the answer to this question. And my accountant is in Thailand. No kidding.

I'm relatively sure that - in the state of Virginia which doesn't even recognize QDPs that the answer is - a QDP will NOT affect my widow's benefits (at age 60).

But does anyone know for sure?
after reading about your mental state ( dealing with your husband's suicide) how in the world can you even consider a QDP ?
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Old 01-27-2017, 08:52 PM
 
2,412 posts, read 1,322,996 times
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<HUG>. My heart goes out to you. I am so very sorry for your loss and your heartache.


Take care of yourself. You will find a new normal eventually but you are right, it will never be the same.
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Old 01-28-2017, 12:05 AM
 
Location: Out there somewhere...a traveling man.
39,547 posts, read 47,744,756 times
Reputation: 110395
Survivors Planner: Survivors Benefits For Your Widow Or Widower...
https://www.ssa.gov/planners/survivors/onyourown2.html

OP, Sorry for your loss, I can relate from the same situation several years ago.
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Old 01-28-2017, 06:14 AM
 
1,780 posts, read 2,166,874 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aery11 View Post
<HUG>. My heart goes out to you. I am so very sorry for your loss and your heartache.


Take care of yourself. You will find a new normal eventually but you are right, it will never be the same.
Thanks so much, Aery.

I've run into a handful of widows - well-meaning and sincere - that try to say they understand, and I'm grateful for their kind intentions but in fact, I don't have much in common with the average widow. My husband sent me a vicious text (blaming me) and then turned off his phone and murdered himself. I was 600+ miles away at the time.

My life has not been an easy one and I've devoted way too much energy to remaining positive and upbeat in the face of adversity, but this nightmare has swamped me. My husband didn't just shoot out his brain stem; he put a bullet through my soul.

Thanks again for the kind comments; they're a tonic for my heavy heart.
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