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Old 11-03-2016, 07:05 PM
 
Location: baton rouge
1 posts, read 1,463 times
Reputation: 18

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I KNOW there are older threads on this. I searched around a bit, but I suppose I want to get some input on folks that are closer to our situation. Here it is:

We have four sons, 13, 16, 18, 23. The two oldest have moved out across town and we rarely see them and only hear from them when they need something. That hurts, but we understand its pretty typical with boys, so we take what we can get and support them when they need it.

The younger two are likely to follow along with their brothers, as we don't allow curfews being blown and we expect to know where our children are as long as they live with us. The two older ones decided they didn't like sharing the chores needed to keep a house livable and neat, and they didn't like having to be home at a reasonable hour on weeknights, so they left. Both regret the rent, insurance and other bills they are bearing due to this...

My wife and I have fallen in love with a home in the North Arkansas countryside about 8 hours drive from here. Idyllic location, mountains and clear river bordering property. We visit the area often for summer vacation, and the boys love it. But they arent gonna move there, quoting that they dont want to leave their friends, etc. The oldest son is a fireman and I dont think he would ever move away from the city life.

My question is, do most of you go to the more peaceful, beautiful location and make it a getaway for the kids and their friends or try to make the best of staying put in a huge city?

I have spent a long and successful career in law enforcement, have a little side business that I can take with me, and to be honest, I am feeling the effects of life in the fast lane. I am certain my wife would love living there, and there is some family that moved near there years ago, but I am concerned about how she will respond when grandbabies start being born back here 8 hours drive away.

We both want to be there so badly and the financial situation is fine, but really want feedback from those that have punched out of the rat race and what that looks like 5 or 10 years down the road. We are both 50 and 4 years away from retirement...

The WarWagon is my old dodge truck by the way, that I will never let go.

Thanks for your thoughts.
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Old 11-04-2016, 01:23 PM
 
Location: Central Mexico and Central Florida
7,108 posts, read 3,468,096 times
Reputation: 10184
Why do you think all your kids will stay in the city of their birth. Looking at my family of 18 first cousins, only 2 stayed in the city we were born in. Most have moved a few times and usually out of state, two out of the US.
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Old 11-04-2016, 01:35 PM
 
5,825 posts, read 13,324,952 times
Reputation: 9303
We moved to a rural community in another state when we retired. We did it because this was where we wanted to be, regardless of where the children live. We have two different friends, who moved to be near their children when they retired, but then the children, due to job opportunities, moved away. Our one son is within 30 miles, but that is back country road and can take an hour traveling each way. Do we see him much? No, they are busy working and running kids here and there. They call, come over when they can. The grandchildren come for sleepovers every other month or so, but they are growing up and as teenagers want to be with their friends. Other children live states away. Talk on the phone, but could be once a year that we see them. I don't have a problem with any of them. They have their lives and we have ours. We raised them to be independent and they are.
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Old 11-04-2016, 02:22 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,485 posts, read 43,804,165 times
Reputation: 47259
Are you thinking of uprooting your two younger sons while they are still in high school? That would be problematic to most. Will the property still be available when you retire?
I think you should live where YOU want to live. People now are so busy with two jobs, school activities,etc that many grandparents don't see their families even if they live in the same community...except if they provide unpaid child care. And the possibility of one or more of your sons moving out of the area is very high. Maybe they would look on your new place as a vacation destination if you want to offer that.
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Old 11-04-2016, 03:47 PM
 
Location: The sleepy part of New York City
1,959 posts, read 1,211,991 times
Reputation: 4337
Quote:
Originally Posted by WarWagon View Post
I KNOW there are older threads on this. I searched around a bit, but I suppose I want to get some input on folks that are closer to our situation. Here it is:

We have four sons, 13, 16, 18, 23. The two oldest have moved out across town and we rarely see them and only hear from them when they need something. That hurts, but we understand its pretty typical with boys, so we take what we can get and support them when they need it.

The younger two are likely to follow along with their brothers, as we don't allow curfews being blown and we expect to know where our children are as long as they live with us. The two older ones decided they didn't like sharing the chores needed to keep a house livable and neat, and they didn't like having to be home at a reasonable hour on weeknights, so they left. Both regret the rent, insurance and other bills they are bearing due to this...

My wife and I have fallen in love with a home in the North Arkansas countryside about 8 hours drive from here. Idyllic location, mountains and clear river bordering property. We visit the area often for summer vacation, and the boys love it. But they arent gonna move there, quoting that they dont want to leave their friends, etc. The oldest son is a fireman and I dont think he would ever move away from the city life.

My question is, do most of you go to the more peaceful, beautiful location and make it a getaway for the kids and their friends or try to make the best of staying put in a huge city?

I have spent a long and successful career in law enforcement, have a little side business that I can take with me, and to be honest, I am feeling the effects of life in the fast lane. I am certain my wife would love living there, and there is some family that moved near there years ago, but I am concerned about how she will respond when grandbabies start being born back here 8 hours drive away.

We both want to be there so badly and the financial situation is fine, but really want feedback from those that have punched out of the rat race and what that looks like 5 or 10 years down the road. We are both 50 and 4 years away from retirement...

The WarWagon is my old dodge truck by the way, that I will never let go.

Thanks for your thoughts.
I'm having this exact same discussion with my husband but it's him that doesn't want to move away from the kids. Most of them are married with families of their own and they all live within 15 mins of us, but that doesn't mean we see them constantly. I think this is more true when you have sons too. We talk on the phone quite often, but we could do that from another state too.

You can't put off your dreams based on what your kids will do. Even when those grandbabies start coming please don't expect to see more of your kids. They'll have their own families and want to do their own family things. Your new daughter in laws are going to want to spend time with their families too. You may even see less of your kids than you do now. I have 7 kids altogether. Most are married with children of their own. We see each other a lot in the summer, but winters, not so much except for the occasional dinner. They all have lives. They work. Their kids have afterschool activities and not only that but when we do get together for holidays or vacation there's so many of them that we don't really get to share quality time.

I'm trying to get it through to my husband now that if we moved away then they could come stay with us and we'd get to have quality time with each family instead of one huge get together.

I would say follow your dreams and go. If you don't like it, you can always come back.
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Old 11-04-2016, 04:31 PM
 
13,050 posts, read 15,406,535 times
Reputation: 15304
I think you should do what you want to do and what is best for you and your wife. Your kids may or may not be around a lot as you get older and you might as well be someplace you want to be.


My parents lived 4 hours from us and they sold their home/land that they loved and moved closer to us when they got older, but they were still over an hour away. My dad (not my mom), then expected us to spend every holiday, every birthday, every weekend with them and was offended that we didn't. WE COULDN'T. We had two kids still in high school and one in college two hours away. We both worked full time and had a house/yard to take care of. We for sure saw them more than we had when they were 4 hours away, but we felt guilty for not seeing them as much as my dad expected once they moved closer, especially knowing they had given up what they loved to move closer. In retrospect, they should have stayed where they were; they would have been happier.


When my parents lived 4 hours away it was more of a "vacation" when we went to see them. It was a road trip, which we enjoyed, and then we would spend more time with them when we did visit, spend the night or weekend or whatever. I really think it would have been better for them and for us if they hadn't moved to be closer to us and we still traveled to see them.


My own kids all live within 15 minutes of me now, but one of my daughters is considering moving a couple of states away. I have told her to GO while she is young and explore other places. We can visit her and she can visit us and if being that far away is too much for her, she can always come back.


I do think it's different for sons than for daughters. I see and talk to my daughters pretty much daily, but my son I sometimes have to track down if I want to make sure he's still alive. I did that today, in fact! He just gets busy and doesn't think to call or return calls or texts but if I am persistent I'll touch base with him in a day or two. I get it. I was like that too when I was younger.
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Old 11-04-2016, 04:54 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,681,189 times
Reputation: 39059
When your kids are out of high school, move wherever you want to move.
There is no guarantee your kids will remain in the area, and they will probably move several times in their lifetimes.

Go where you are happy!
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Old 11-04-2016, 05:30 PM
 
549 posts, read 858,938 times
Reputation: 962
We live 8 hours away from our adult kids and our grandchildren. We have a 14 year old at home currently. We both wanted to live in Missouri so we moved from Nebraska. Honestly I love where we live in the Ozarks but I miss my kids and my grandkids. We do not get to see them as often as any of us would like. When my parents got sick and required care I left my home here in MO and went back to NE for 6 months at the end of their lives.

Our oldest son lived in MO for a couple of years. He is currently back in NE. Our daughter and her husband tried it here but couldn't make a go of it. Our other son missed his gf too much and moved back to NE after a short time here in MO. I totally see our youngest moving to NE also even though he has been here with us since he was 5.

I like my home, my friends, and being here so moving back is not going to happen.
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Old 11-04-2016, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,062 posts, read 17,382,869 times
Reputation: 41530
Move where YOU want to live.

A good friend decided to put their house on the market and buy a condo. They currently live about 30 minutes away from their son but there were some nice condos only 10 minutes away from their son, so they looked at those.

Ironically, the very week that they decided to sell their house, their son & DIL were scouting out possible new jobs (a potential promotion within their company) 1,000 miles away.

You never know where children & grandchildren will move. So, you go where you are happy.
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Old 11-04-2016, 10:15 PM
 
19 posts, read 14,686 times
Reputation: 29
My husband and I are in contract for our newly built retirement home. We chose it because we wanted a home that was a reasonable driving distance to our young adult daughter. Yesterday she informed us she's moving 1800 miles away. We haven't even closed on the house yet! Luckily we really like our new location, ... we think.
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