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Old 11-21-2016, 11:43 AM
 
9,151 posts, read 7,212,898 times
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This thread got me to thinking. (Sorry it's been more than a minute, thinkalot. You will probably skip this. )

I used to have more friends. But now that I think back, most of them weren't really friends. I put up with a lot of insults and hateful behavior that I wouldn't deal with now. I wouldn't spend more than a few minutes with them today before I deleted them from facebook and blocked their texts.

Maybe as we age we gain self respect or self esteem and that narrows the pool of potential friends.

Truthfully, as much as I'd like more friends, I'm better off alone than with the toxic ones I used to hang around just because I didn't know I deserved to be treated better.
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Old 11-21-2016, 11:49 AM
 
662 posts, read 477,902 times
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^+1

A frenemy is no friend.
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Old 11-21-2016, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Massachusetts
207 posts, read 131,974 times
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This thread got me thinking about something the author Douglas Adams wrote:

"To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem."
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Old 11-21-2016, 01:25 PM
 
6,616 posts, read 3,746,469 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jrkliny View Post
By retirement age, women greatly out number men and that ratio only grows with time. Women become desperate to find male companions. If that is not happening for you, you need to consider your weight/appearance, personal hygiene, social skills and/or religious and political beliefs.
She wants to make friends. Not hop in the sack with an old geezer.
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Old 11-21-2016, 01:41 PM
 
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I'll be facing the same issue soon. Deciding which of two conservative places to settle down in for retirement, and not knowing hardly anyone in one, and no one in the other. I'm friendly and chatty, but I'm middle of the road politically, and politics matters to me.

I'm thinking I'll get a bicycle and join a seniors bike group, if there is one. Or start one. And/or a walking group, with morning coffee or breakfast afterwards. And a gardening group, if there is one. Boring, I guess, but a place where you can tell the tales of the horrors in your garden, mistakes, successes, share cuttings, pass out extra satsumas you have. None of those things involves politics, because we'd be busy doing and sharing something else.

I also thought about joining or starting a board game group. I love games, and I figure others must, too. Even someone with health problems could do that. And retirees with a low budget could do it, too, since it's free!

I also thought I might volunteer in the local community theater, either acting or handling props or whatever. I thought that would be fun.

So I'm concerned, like you are. One of the cities has a much larger population of retired women like myself, so that presents a better opportunity to make friends, I guess. But older women often don't get out much and can be boring. Some have significant health issues, too, preventing them from doing things.

I don't expect I'll make close friends, since it takes years to build close relationships. But friendship on any level is good. A small group of women who could call on each other when needed, spend time together.

Although I'm friendly and chatty when out, I don't make myself interact with others much. I'm one of those loner types, with lots of interests, so that I get carried away doing things alone. I've always been that way. I also don't like being around the same person too frequently. I grew up the middle child in a large family, where it was hard even going to the bathroom in privacy.

Let us know if you make any headway, and after I get settled, I'll try to update if I am able to meet a few people. Just two would do. I would not like it if I am unable to connect with anyone. It's a good thing to have friends.
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Old 11-21-2016, 02:39 PM
 
2,739 posts, read 723,538 times
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bpollen, sounds like you have a great game plan and attitude! I'm really impressed. You have realistic expectations, but are willing to take some initiative and live an active, healthy life where you can connect with others.

Groups where you attend regularly could be just the ticket to a variety of friendships. I made the mistake of using meetup exclusively for my social needs, even organizing groups, since there aren't organized activities for most of my interests, like walking, eating Asian food, discussing current events, etc. The problem with Meetup is that people would just attend one event or every now and then when they didn't have anything better to do. It was interesting to meet people just once (I think almost anyone is worth meeting and talking to for a bit), but you don't develop friendships that way.

All types of friendships/relationships can enrich our lives (I especially enjoy micro interactions, like talking to someone new at Starbucks for 30 minutes). Last night I watched a Japanese movie where a restaurant owner developed meaningful friendships with a young girl and an old woman, both of whom worked at his restaurant. It wasn't like they met for lunch or to go bowling---but their interactions were deep and rich.
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Old 11-21-2016, 02:42 PM
 
6,249 posts, read 4,728,813 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bpollen View Post
She wants to make friends. Not hop in the sack with an old geezer.
I think the OP is a he. Does that change anything? We will have to ask the OP just to be sure what he/she really means.
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Old 11-21-2016, 02:47 PM
 
6,249 posts, read 4,728,813 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Oh yes! We women are soooooo desperate to snag a man.

I am sure there are exceptions, but I can tell you there are plenty of older women on the hunt. There is nothing new about this. When my mother died, my father was all but attacked. I see the same continuing in the older social group I belong to.
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Old 11-21-2016, 03:21 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,661,739 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jrkliny View Post
I am sure there are exceptions, but I can tell you there are plenty of older women on the hunt. There is nothing new about this. When my mother died, my father was all but attacked. I see the same continuing in the older social group I belong to.
And I see and have my own experience with older men who want to latch on to women as either a nurse or a purse.

I don't think gender matters when someone is looking for someone of the opposite sex for companionship or whatever. It might just seem more women do this because statistically there are more older women around than men.
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Old 11-21-2016, 03:24 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic east coast
5,371 posts, read 9,862,107 times
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I think the volunteering option holds promise..I'm on the Board of the freinds of the Library and have made some nice friendships.

What are your interests? Whatever they are, there is probably a group you could join so you'll have that interest in common and you could go from there.

I've several older friends who took cooking classes and had a ball--and made new friends and had a lot of laughter and fun! Something to explore, maybe?

Another idea is to take a class in continuing education at a local college or university. Curious minds and learning new skills/experience could be fertile ground for friendships. If you're physically able, contra or square dancing is a ball!
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