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Old 11-21-2016, 06:49 PM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,955 posts, read 7,400,186 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jrkliny View Post
I am sure there are exceptions, but I can tell you there are plenty of older women on the hunt. There is nothing new about this. When my mother died, my father was all but attacked. I see the same continuing in the older social group I belong to.
I think you are so right. This does not apply to all women, but there are a lot out there that are absolutely ridiculous. This is why they aren't interested in forming friendships with other women unless they feel that woman is no threat.

The "gotta have a man - any man" syndrome is very much alive. This is hard for women that don't feel that way to understand.

When my mom died, before she was dead, they were lined up - bringing casseroles (I can cook!) and doing little favors. They get nasty with each other (he's mine!). So pathetic.
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Old 11-21-2016, 07:07 PM
 
2,742 posts, read 729,030 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
jazzcat22 at post #26, do you know the name of the Japanese movie you mention? I'd like to watch it! (I can also try googling it for the name)
The English name is Sweet Bean (the main character makes red bean pastries). Japanese name is An. We got it through Netflix as a DVD. Can't recommend it enough!
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Old 11-21-2016, 07:07 PM
 
5,431 posts, read 3,458,283 times
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Pertaining to post #41, when you go deeper into human feelings & motivations, though, it's about wanting a connection, loneliness, the searchings of the human heart, and wanting to feel needed - so I do not see anything pathetic or ridiculous about it.
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Old 11-21-2016, 08:53 PM
 
6,307 posts, read 4,755,565 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
Pertaining to post #41, when you go deeper into human feelings & motivations, though, it's about wanting a connection, loneliness, the searchings of the human heart, and wanting to feel needed - so I do not see anything pathetic or ridiculous about it.
Maybe it is not always pathetic or ridiculous but it is certainly sad. There are no where near enough single elderly men to match up with the single elderly women looking for .... whatever.


Many times in addition to sad the behavior is indeed pathetic or ridiculous. I think desperate is probably a more accurate description. Sometimes humorous fits, but that is a story for another day.
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Old 11-21-2016, 09:40 PM
 
Location: too far from the sea
19,881 posts, read 18,894,234 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crusinsusan View Post
Of the older women I've become acquainted with, the only ones who were on the "hunt" were the ones in financial straits. The one's I've known who are "set" and many who are just getting by, have no interest. They just don't want to have to deal with the mindset of old men (ie: sexism). They're done.

And ftr, smarino is male. And in the older set, it is hard to find liberals. I suggest meeting younger people.
It's not like that where I live. Two of my good friends, both women in their 70s, have gotten involved with really nice men this year. One, I have described here before, met her mate at church where she was on several committees with him. They are both Liberals and are interested in helping people. The other has become involved with a man who has much less money than she does. They are compatible because she pays for their meals but he does the driving due to her poor eyesight--she owns her own home and it's nearly within walking distance to his condo, another plus for them.

I don't know anyone around here, male or female, who isn't open minded and "liberal" whatever it may mean. We don't have many right wing religious fundamentalists around here; we have mainstream, traditional churches. The men around here are pretty good except for those who have too much money and are in love with themselves. They brag about all their cars, boats, planes, etc. Now that is booooring--it's interesting to them and that's all. It's a major turnoff to women and that's usually who they are trying to impress.

I do have trouble meeting people though. I'd love to have one or two good women friends who live nearby. It would be easier, I think, if I lived in a place that had more going on--classes to take, things to belong to. Maybe not living in a small town where everyone already knows each other would be another improvement.
There's really no place to meet people around here.
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Old 11-21-2016, 10:16 PM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,955 posts, read 7,400,186 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
Pertaining to post #41, when you go deeper into human feelings & motivations, though, it's about wanting a connection, loneliness, the searchings of the human heart, and wanting to feel needed - so I do not see anything pathetic or ridiculous about it.
The feelings you described are common - the behavior to make it all happen is what many times is desperate & ridiculous. If you throw yourself at someone - if you act without any self respect then it's this behavior that has helped to establish the "desperate woman" stereotype. It's tacky - trashy - low class. If you still disagree then how's your behavior been working for you?
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Old 11-22-2016, 06:18 AM
 
662 posts, read 480,019 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by in_newengland View Post
It's not like that where I live. Two of my good friends, both women in their 70s, have gotten involved with really nice men this year. One, I have described here before, met her mate at church where she was on several committees with him. They are both Liberals and are interested in helping people. The other has become involved with a man who has much less money than she does. They are compatible because she pays for their meals but he does the driving due to her poor eyesight--she owns her own home and it's nearly within walking distance to his condo, another plus for them.

I don't know anyone around here, male or female, who isn't open minded and "liberal" whatever it may mean. We don't have many right wing religious fundamentalists around here; we have mainstream, traditional churches. The men around here are pretty good except for those who have too much money and are in love with themselves. They brag about all their cars, boats, planes, etc. Now that is booooring--it's interesting to them and that's all. It's a major turnoff to women and that's usually who they are trying to impress.

I do have trouble meeting people though. I'd love to have one or two good women friends who live nearby. It would be easier, I think, if I lived in a place that had more going on--classes to take, things to belong to. Maybe not living in a small town where everyone already knows each other would be another improvement.
There's really no place to meet people around here.
Re the two friends....I don't mean to say that people don't get together...they do. However, the ones I know who are looking ("hunt" is a harsh word), are doing so for financial reasons. People do meet each other; but my point is it's been my experience that those who are actively searching are doing so for money. Frankly, I don't see this as a negative: so many women got caught by societal norms about what a woman "should" do, and so are now in a hard place. People get together for all sorts of reasons, and I'm not going to judge it, and I didn't mean to sound so.

And yes, I've met the "I've-got-a-boat-plane-car-so forth" group (and they're here too). Just have to shake my head at that.

Anyway, it does seem that you have at least two good friends (as you've said), and that you're in New England (a whole different ball of wax from where I live). I envy you that.
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Old 11-22-2016, 06:54 AM
 
Location: Colorado Springs
4,852 posts, read 4,969,586 times
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I have a friend whose widowed mother on SS joined up with a widower she found who also had a monthly SS income.

Although they were church goers, they were unmarried and "living in sin" because they thought that being married would reduce their combined SS income.

Life alone can get very boring and depressing.
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Old 11-22-2016, 08:12 AM
 
2,412 posts, read 1,325,408 times
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Attitudes like this one expressed by the OP on another thread:


"If you voted for Trump, you might want to explore re immigrating somewhere else, and don't let the door hit you on the way out." (Post #27 How to Assimilate to the American Culture?)


.. may have something to do with why smarino has trouble making friends.
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Old 11-22-2016, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,688,776 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jrkliny View Post
I certainly would not make an assumption about "every" elderly woman, but in my experience it is very common that single women want to remarry or at least share their remaining years with a male companion. As I said my father was all but attacked and did indeed remarry within a few years. My wife knows a great many elderly women in our art and literature groups. A high percentage are trying to find male companions or even dates. We have even helped out by taking pictures and working on narratives for the dating sites. I have also had some direct encounters. A few don't seem to care that I have been married for 40 some years and they make their intentions known.


I have never been to a "senior complex" so I certainly cannot comment about the norm for people who spend time there.
Men also hit on women who have been married for forty years. Both sexes can be predatory. Living in a senior complex gives a better idea of elderly behavior than just one person's experiences.

Just like younger women (and men), there are those elderly individuals who want to have love and companionship. I don't think there is an age issue here, just a human one.
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