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In a friendship conversation, people are rude, rude, rude when they do that.
So if you are rambling on about things the listener doesn't care about they are rude to interrupt? Being polite to a person you just met or hardly ever see is one thing but people you see regularly is something else.
I think that part of Minervah's point (or my point) is that women are sufficient unto themselves and should be appreciated in society as vital, alive, complete human beings whether partnered or not. And doing activities like dining at a restaurant alone should not be perceived as seeing the woman as deficient in some way.
Last edited by matisse12; 11-21-2016 at 04:35 PM..
I don't know what to tell you smarino. There is this man who lives in our town that I call lonely guy on the corner. He's anything but. I met him on my late night dog walkies and started talking to him about three years ago. We are sometimes out there talking until after 2am. He seems to have made a lot of friends after his divorce when he moved into our village. He will be 80 soon and he still likes to go to the bar and lift a few. We sat and drank mai tai's into the wee hours last summer. It made for an interesting bike ride after her went in the house
I guess it's all about how interesting you are and how much fun you are(?) Our new Indian friends who are nearly half our age will be here shortly with their 4 year old daughter. We just spent the morning ice skating with them and went out to lunch after that. We've been spending every Monday with them for nearly a month now. The age difference doesn't seem to matter. We just have fun together. I think that's the key to any friendship.
OK, I am referring to this particular old retiree, but it seems generally true of others I talk to as well. When I worked, most of my friends came from the work place. W/o that, and suddenly finding myself single, I am finding it VERY difficult to get any friendships going. I know the old saying that if you want a friend you have to be one, but when I invite people over I never get invited to their place. A lot of people seem sorta closed these days.
Some of it is because I'm in Florida, which s a transient place. And some of it is because I'm a liberal maybe. A lot of old retirees are very conservative. I live in a senior mobile home park, and 6 months of the year 70% of the people are gone, and those who are left are really Republican. When the snowbirds come back they definitely flock together, especially the Canadians. I know some people are afraid to meet people in these parks because they do that, and then the people go and die on them and that gets painful. That's happened to me a lot too, but that's how it goes w/ old age. Death happens.
I do have a Shambhala center that I go to regularly for Buddhist meditation, Sunday lunch, etc, but again, a lot of the people are there only for the winter, and it's just not working to get anything going beyond what is discussed there. I have tried, and a few others have talked about it too. Conversation is about the spiritual practice (and it's either working or it ain't, there is not much really to say on that) or on politics or stuff. No one REALLY talks about what is happening in their personal lives. I also go to a woo woo Unity church coffee house because I like the coffee and it's a good place to sketch, but meeting anyone there is impossible. People do hang out there and converse, but they all, to a person, have such strange, out there, beliefs about tarot cards, crystals, healing waters, etc.
I am looking at the senior meet up things, but the reviews on them are not good, and I am not interested in going to a bar. That would be fine after you know someone, but sounds peculiar to meet them there to begin with. A lot of the other meetups here seem to be more about someone pitching an online service or something like that too. The online dating thing looks like a snake pit, and on the volunteer gigs I have applied for, no one calls me back or returns my emails. Maybe I need to go down to them in person. I mean, this is hard to get going! Any ideas on why it is like this?
From his permission, I'll quote Rajeesh.
"Old people are very cunning".
It is very hard to start a friend having all the years of experience pressing on your shoulders. All the cunning learned. Knowing everything about life. The true, real side of it. It radiates out, no matter how good at small talk are you. You have your principles set in stone, your opinions - they have theirs. It collides. What did you expect?
Also, let me spoil this for you. You had buddies. Acquaintances. This and that. I doubt you had true friends. true friend is lover without sex involved. true friend is like your wife without being married. True friend is far rare treasure to come across. I had ONE in my lifetime. My mother found her first REAL friend when she was 54. Friendship is deep spiritual relationship.
Sorry.
Also, why are you even bothered with this? What is it that you actually miss in "friends"? I do not have one and don't really want one. I started looking inside and depths I am finding there are far beyond any social situation will give me. Besides, having rather little left ahead of me, what good will they do to ME, when the time comes? I am I. I am the only one responsible for I. No one else.
Open your eyes. Look deep into Presence. You missed so much through the years - and it always was THERE, right in front of you, available to take, to consume, to indulge in, to enjoy! Why worry about anything else? Any sunset or dawn is 100 times more beautiful and rewarding than hrs spent with pals on empty conversations. Do you know, how much energy talking consumes? Try not talking for 3 days. None. You'll see how invigorated you shall become. Try simply DO NOTHING. Not do no actions. Eat when hungry. drink water when thirsty. Use bathroom when so needed. Cook as you then put love into what you eat. Take care of a plant. No, do nothing in sense of pointless activities. Watching TV, listening to some dum talk show, or whatever else that we are so much used to 'do' without any real need for it.
REST from the world. Just for few days. See what happens. Maybe flowers will appear more beautiful. You will notice sky and stars... trees whispering their song.. LIFE.... Everlasting, all encompassing, precious beautiful LIFE. Enjoy it, eat and drink it while you still have it. As it will pass as fast as those 60 or 70 years passed, right?
So if you are rambling on about things the listener doesn't care about they are rude to interrupt? Being polite to a person you just met or hardly ever see is one thing but people you see regularly is something else.
You seem to be reading an awful lot into what I wrote. Please try not to put your own interpretation on my written word.
I think that part of Minervah's point (or my point) is that women are sufficient unto themselves and should be appreciated in society as vital, alive, complete human beings whether partnered or not. And doing activities like dining at a restaurant alone should not be perceived as seeing the woman as deficient in some way.
Yes I agree. The assumption that every elderly woman who is without a man wants one is not accurate. I'm not arguing with someone else's experience with this but I do believe that's not the norm. The women I meet in my senior complex could not care less about not having a man around. They all like their independence in their later years.
The men and women I see where I lived all enjoy chats and socializing but that's about it. Every woman with whom I have ever had the discussion says they would not want to be married again.
Maybe what jrkliny"s dad was seeing was simply women who felt sorry because he was suddenly alone and were just being kind to him wanting to help through some tough times. The interpretation they were all "on the hunt" could be wrong. Whatever the motives, you can't judge every woman by this one experience.
Of the older women I've become acquainted with, the only ones who were on the "hunt" were the ones in financial straits. The one's I've known who are "set" and many who are just getting by, have no interest. They just don't want to have to deal with the mindset of old men (ie: sexism). They're done.
And ftr, smarino is male. And in the older set, it is hard to find liberals. I suggest meeting younger people.
Yes I agree. The assumption that every elderly woman who is without a man wants one is not accurate. I'm not arguing with someone else's experience with this but I do believe that's not the norm. The women I meet in my senior complex could not care less about not having a man around. They all like their independence in their later years.
The men and women I see where I lived all enjoy chats and socializing but that's about it. Every woman with whom I have ever had the discussion says they would not want to be married again.
Maybe what jrkliny"s dad was seeing was simply women who felt sorry because he was suddenly alone and were just being kind to him wanting to help through some tough times. The interpretation they were all "on the hunt" could be wrong. Whatever the motives, you can't judge every woman by this one experience.
I certainly would not make an assumption about "every" elderly woman, but in my experience it is very common that single women want to remarry or at least share their remaining years with a male companion. As I said my father was all but attacked and did indeed remarry within a few years. My wife knows a great many elderly women in our art and literature groups. A high percentage are trying to find male companions or even dates. We have even helped out by taking pictures and working on narratives for the dating sites. I have also had some direct encounters. A few don't seem to care that I have been married for 40 some years and they make their intentions known.
I have never been to a "senior complex" so I certainly cannot comment about the norm for people who spend time there.
.........
And in the older set, it is hard to find liberals. I suggest meeting younger people.
Not where I live. A great many older people have become very liberal and also highly committed to social causes.
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