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Old 11-21-2016, 11:13 AM
 
16,720 posts, read 14,688,308 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Camaro5 View Post
We now live in the Chicago area and I don't need to tell you how bad the winters are here. This is going to be the last one, no matter what. There are other factors, but that is the biggest one.
Yes, that is certainly a good reason.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Camaro5 View Post
He loves the place he's at and I'm sure we could find just as nice of a place at the new (warmer) location for less than the $5K a month he pays now.
That he is already at an ALF is a huge hurdle. You don't want to upset that cart; just have a look in the Caregiving forums and see how hard it is for us to get our parents to agree to move to one in the first place.
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Old 11-21-2016, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Portland, Oregon
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One option would be to explore ALFs in the community you intend to move to then arrange for a short stay at the most suitable. If a 80 yo male is active he will be the center of attention (oh the story I could share), so if he is at all social he will be busy. The larger retirement communities have buses that take residents to events.

There are cultural differences between Chicago and either AZ or FL. Odds are the caregivers in either of those states have Spanish as their first language which can be disorienting if the resident hasn't lived in a multi-language environment.

Also consider his medical care providers.. does he use the VA for example.

Having a frail 80 yo living in your home really limits your ability to travel.
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Old 11-21-2016, 11:57 AM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,119 posts, read 9,073,863 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nell Plotts View Post
One option would be to explore ALFs in the community you intend to move to then arrange for a short stay at the most suitable. If a 80 yo male is active he will be the center of attention (oh the story I could share), so if he is at all social he will be busy. The larger retirement communities have buses that take residents to events.

There are cultural differences between Chicago and either AZ or FL. Odds are the caregivers in either of those states have Spanish as their first language which can be disorienting if the resident hasn't lived in a multi-language environment.

Also consider his medical care providers.. does he use the VA for example.

Having a frail 80 yo living in your home really limits your ability to travel.
Nope. Not in Arizona. A lot of caregivers here are from the Phillapines(sp). It's doesn't work for caregivers who don't speak English. Too confusing for older people. And in AZ, there are numerous caregiving homes in private residences that take 4-6 seniors, with different problems, health concerns. They are all over the valley (Phoenix) so something to consider. You would never know which home is a caregiving residence. All are in communities. Provides safe, warm individual care for the resident. Something to consider. You would pay about $2500 a month.
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Old 11-21-2016, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Southern Nevada
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Just to clarify, we are looking into Henderson, Nevada. Just outside of Vegas. There are some nice facilities there, but we have not looked at costs. As I see it, there are issues whatever way you go. He is very outgoing and likes to be busy, and I'm not sure he would have that living with us.

We are just at the beginning discussions about this and I appreciate the comments. I think his having his own place (at an ALF like he has now) would give him some independence but he would still be close. It might be the best of both worlds, but it's only my opinion.
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Old 11-21-2016, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,655 posts, read 3,237,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Camaro5 View Post
Just to clarify, we are looking into Henderson, Nevada. Just outside of Vegas. There are some nice facilities there, but we have not looked at costs. As I see it, there are issues whatever way you go. He is very outgoing and likes to be busy, and I'm not sure he would have that living with us.

We are just at the beginning discussions about this and I appreciate the comments. I think his having his own place (at an ALF like he has now) would give him some independence but he would still be close. It might be the best of both worlds, but it's only my opinion.
I just wanted to say good luck to you and your wife. You sound like great people, your father-in-law is a lucky man to have you considering his needs, too.
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Old 11-21-2016, 01:42 PM
 
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The experience we had when we moved my FIL from a Retirement Community that he loved, and where he liked his doctors, and where he knew where everything was, and where he had friends, and where he was comfortable, to a Retirement Community that was in a different area was terrible. He was unhappy there. He was lonely there. "Nothing was right" there. He blamed us. If I had to do it over again, I would move and would leave my FIL where he was happy.
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Old 11-21-2016, 02:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nell Plotts View Post
Perhaps you can find an assisted living facility in your new community. He would be near his daughter but she wouldn't have the day-to-day responsibility for his care.
This is what we plan to do next year. We're retiring and moving about 500 miles away, and my Mom will be coming with us. This is a very hard decision though. I want to do right by my husband and at the same time do right by my Mom. I do sometimes question whether or not we're being selfish for not postponing our retirement move. My DH has his own health issues, and we're afraid if we wait, we may not get to enjoy all those activities we've dreamed of doing now that we actually have the time to do them. But of course, that comes at the cost of having to uproot my mother.

My DH loves my Mom and treats her like a son, but he is pretty adamant that she doesn't need to move in with us. Like the OP says, it would not be the retirement either of us envision for ourselves. My Mom's been in Independent living for the past 4 years, and enjoys playing cards, going to bible study and just socializing with her peers, which is so important. I would be woefully inadequate at being her primary social outlet. We do plan to renovate the house we bought to better accommodate her and her mobility issues and we're planning for her to spend a couple nights a week with us, but we definitely want to find either an independent or assisted living facility near us. We're very fortunate she agrees this is in everyone's best interest.

Last edited by Drift Away; 11-21-2016 at 02:25 PM..
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Old 11-21-2016, 02:18 PM
 
16,720 posts, read 14,688,308 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LookingatFL View Post
to a Retirement Community that was in a different area was terrible. He was unhappy there. He was lonely there. "Nothing was right" there. He blamed us.
I think this bears repeating. Your FIL is happy where he is. If your wife wants her dad happy, and would worry about him from afar, she needs to stay near him until it is appropriate for her to move. It sounds like this isn't quite the time.
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Old 11-21-2016, 02:23 PM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
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Get a duplex or a house with FIL suite. Then you'd have more privacy.
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Old 11-21-2016, 02:30 PM
 
100 posts, read 65,270 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Camaro5 View Post
Just to clarify, we are looking into Henderson, Nevada. Just outside of Vegas. There are some nice facilities there, but we have not looked at costs. As I see it, there are issues whatever way you go. He is very outgoing and likes to be busy, and I'm not sure he would have that living with us.

We are just at the beginning discussions about this and I appreciate the comments. I think his having his own place (at an ALF like he has now) would give him some independence but he would still be close. It might be the best of both worlds, but it's only my opinion.
Some friends of mine did exactly the same thing. Moved to Henderson and once settled in, moved her mother out there to an assisted living home. It works for them.
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