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We have been married 48 yrs, retired 11 years. He has dementia and seldom talks. He is in adult day care but I start talking to him the minute I pick him up. Lonely??Yes, but sometimes he says something that proves he is listening. The old hubby's personality will shine through. Not much discussion with him but my three sons know I love to have a real deep chat about politics or football or religion. Sons will call and talk for an hour. I'm good!
She showed us Hamilton on YouTube. We all amazed at Lin Emmanuel talent and vow to see it somehow.
No snow here but it's cold, 37 degree.
My vow as well. I may have to drag my spouse kicking and screaming or make my kids go with me. But I will see it. Good thing the CD came with the lyrics which makes it so much more pleasurable to listen to it. It is like Shakespere, the way many have described it. I blast it in my car and on my iPod when I cook.
If you aren't getting out and doing things, seeing people, then you both probably just don't have alot to talk about. Thanks ok
We do get out. We go with birding group, me for the birds he for the photos which is fine. we go out with neighbors and friends who are also retired to movies, dinners, out. yes, I think we are OK!
Very sorry for your loss, but your comment is amusing. This is an interesting thread. I work in an optical and I see long time married couples come in all the time with very different communication styles. Usually it's the wife choosing frames, but sometimes it's the husband. Time married ranges from 3 months to 60+ years, but I'll comment on those married more than 25.
WIFE: Honey, What do you think of this brown one?
HUSBAND: Looks great, Dear.
(2nd frame). WIFE: Honey, what do you think of this red one?
HUSBAND: I like the other one better, but they both look good. Etc. . .
Note the lack of outright criticism
Often wives come in by themselves and just choose frames on their own. And sometimes the husband just sits at the desk, says nothing, and the wife chooses the frames based on her and my opinions.
When the husband comes in alone, he rarely buys frames on his own. He chooses a few he likes, tells me he has to check with the boss, and either has his wife come in and approve them, or he takes selfies and chooses based on her input via text/call. He reasons that the wife is the one who will be looking at his face, not him, and since he wants to stay married, she has to like his choice of eyewear I have yet to see a wife fail to give her opinion to her husband when he needed glasses.
It's nice to have some space when you're together 24/7. It's also nice to laugh with someone every day, have a snuggle in a warm bed, hold hands on walks, and other various activities I can't mention here. Is there enough conversation? Sure. Other times too much Sometimes I just need to be with the girls.
If you're lonely go talk to him. If you need space, find something else to occupy your time. It doesn't have to be so hard.
We're getting our snow gear on and taking a walk to the store. We're at our high of 7 degrees with a low of -12 coming later. I see pop corn, a movie on our home theater, and some hot coco later. Sweet.
I guess we're one of the lucky ones who are still madly in love with each other after 31 years together. I can't imagine my life without him.
We both work so we have alot of conversation about our days, retirement is a while away.
If you aren't getting out and doing things, seeing people, then you both probably just don't have alot to talk about. Thanks ok
If anything, our conversations are much better in retirement than when both or one of us were working. We had to make great efforts to not talking about our work days.
Yes, getting out, doing things and seeing people do give things to talk about BUT they are NOT the only means to stimulate conversations. You can talk about the news, articles, books which you read, movies which you see. There are so many things online with most being free. We have watched quite a few of great movies on youtube or other free channels on Roku. You can also talk about the good old days, discuss plans for the future or just about anything. We have many amusing discussions about the habits and personalities of our dogs comparing their behaviors to wolves. Then there are discussions about foods, wines, drinks, religions, politics, cultures, society or whatever come to our minds.
Thank you so much for sharing your marriages with me. I enjoyed reading every post, and please keep them coming.
Marriage at this stage of our lives is different isn't it?
When we were younger there was so much to talk about and also argue about: stresses with work, housekeeping, finances, and KIDS! Relatives and inlaws. Aaargh!
All those are gone now, we have space and time to be individuals, not just mom, wife, employee, etc. Time to discover our own talents, be absorbed into new adventures, to reflect.
Good times!
Fascinating, especially you who've been married 40+ years!
After a few months of retirement, we are still finding our way. It seems there is less to talk about without our jobs---but those conversations were not usually positive. Now its all politics as DH's hobby is reading the news. We mainly only talk while we walk---our daily 2-mile walk, then we sit on a log halfway for awhile and catch up there also. I would have little to contribute if it weren't for what I read here! And in books, but that's mostly fiction.
Neither of us are big talkers so we sit/stroll in companionable silence much of the time. When we do talk its: Politics, current events, the neighbors, the HOA board, animals we see. Not much on family with no kids. The inevitable health issues ....
I occasionally wonder if we talk "enough". We give each other all the "space" the other needs.
No room for a "man-cave" here but he's pared down his activities to just surfing online so his needs are few! I joke that he'd be content in jail if he just had the Internet. He'd forego the 1-hr. of outside time to "finish this article" ! (engraving "that" on his tombstone.....er, ashes jar )
I'd rather talk with my adult kids, actually. Finding out what they think about things now that they're grown, sharing ideas and experiences. It's all fresh and new, not same-old. Spouse and I do things together more than we talk. What did it for me was reading something that I thought was important and exciting aloud to him in bed one night, thinking he was listening, then the sudden snort and I knew I was talking out loud to myself. He came to and said he'd been listening, he'd heard the whole thing. I asked him to repeat the last thing he heard and he just blubbered some and I said forget it, roll over and go back to sleep.
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I have yet to see a wife fail to give her opinion to her husband when he needed glasses.
....
(engraving "that" on his tombstone.....er, ashes jar 
)
