U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
Old 12-18-2016, 07:38 PM
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,396 posts, read 9,143,473 times
Reputation: 13031


Originally Posted by LiveLoveLaugh View Post
OMG ...imo...totally normal!
Yep. Ya know, the idea we should have deep and interesting conversations at a restaurant is some Hollywood fantasy. In real life we do have deep talks at times when needed. But we are quite comfortable just being together and not saying much.

We do get chatty when with friends.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

Old 12-18-2016, 07:39 PM
Location: Central NY
4,669 posts, read 3,245,044 times
Reputation: 11951
I have had a couple of "friends" who do that. I think it's very rude and I don't normally have those people in my life for long.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-18-2016, 08:00 PM
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,868 posts, read 14,377,315 times
Reputation: 30751
We discuss decisions we are making. But, we don't pour out our hearts to each other on a regular basis.

Honestly, we need to work on communicating without being cranky and impatient. I am working on that these days.

I think we have more earnest conversations on car trips, and even then, not on every car trip.

We know each other so well after 46 years, that we don't have to talk all that much. But if we need to talk, or want to talk, we do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-18-2016, 08:03 PM
Location: Saint John, IN
11,043 posts, read 3,990,821 times
Reputation: 13557
My husband and I have known each other 25 years. Been married 15. We usually are on the same page and like others have said we can finish each others sentences. We usually talk at least once during the day while he's at work to catch up on what's we've been doing and what's going on. Or we might send a quick text to say hi. We always eat dinner as a family and that's where our girls will talk about what happed at school and my hubby & I will discuss our day. After the girls go to bed I chill and check out CD and my Ebay (I'm addicted) and he likes playing games on his phone. We'll watch the news and discuss that and go to bed. We have our space but we always know what's going on with the other person. If you don't have communication, what kind of relationship can it be???
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-18-2016, 08:39 PM
Location: too far from the sea
19,838 posts, read 18,855,957 times
Reputation: 33746
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
cb2008: I never intended for my post to be amusing.
I don't know if the poster meant to be insensitive to your plight but I don't think I'm the only one whose heart felt pain upon reading your post. I can definitely understand the unhappiness of a bad marriage. I've been in the same boat--twice. Maybe we were too nice. Maybe those husbands were just rotten human beings.

Anyway, I used to wish they had lessons of some sort. I would see other husbands who were kind and respectful to their wives but I'd be stuck with the guy who would lie on the couch when we got home from work. Just lie there while I cooked supper, cleaned the house--and he would not help. I guess he was saving his energy for all his girlfriends. Second husband--I thought I had it right this time. At least he was a nice guy but it turned out he was all messed up from Viet Nam and he became a dangerous person to be around.

Don't feel bad. Many of us are alone for years. A lot of people are better off being alone too. I didn't get lucky until about ten years ago.
my posts as moderator will be in red. Moderator: Health&Wellness~Genealogy. The Rules--read here>>> TOS. If someone attacks you, do not reply. Hit REPORT.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-18-2016, 09:05 PM
Location: Central NY
4,669 posts, read 3,245,044 times
Reputation: 11951
in_newengland: Thank you for your message. i'm pretty sure I've chatted with you before about a very similar type message I wrote. I think I worry about "running out of time" tho I also realize I don't know what is around the corner. It just sometimes sounds so nice when I read the positive posts from people who made a success of their marriage. My youthful dream (when I first married) was to get to the 50th Anny.

How does that saying go...... God laughs when we make plans. He must laugh a lot!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-18-2016, 09:24 PM
Location: Middle Tennessee
3,679 posts, read 2,226,353 times
Reputation: 5230
For us, we seem to have it about right; but then we have had 42 years together to work on it. We combine each doing our own thing with talking when we have something to talk about. Right now she is working on Christmas cards and watching a Hallmark movie. I have been in the other room on the computer listening to Christmas music and working on planning our upcoming move to Tennessee. Whenever I want to run something by her, I just go in and say "What do you think about this" and she stops writing and we discuss it.

In a normal day during the week, I am trading stocks among other things and she is reading, or going through things deciding whether to throw, donate or pack. When she wants me she just calls me and I go in we discuss whatever it is. And sometimes I'll just go in and plop down in the chair and we'll discuss the weather or what to have for dinner or what the cats are doing or anything else that comes to mind. Neither one of us really has a problem with getting on the nerves of the other.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-18-2016, 11:04 PM
Location: RVA
2,165 posts, read 1,266,382 times
Reputation: 4456
Originally Posted by Scooby Snacks View Post
Very sorry for your loss, but your comment is amusing. This is an interesting thread. I work in an optical and I see long time married couples come in all the time with very different communication styles. Usually it's the wife choosing frames, but sometimes it's the husband. Time married ranges from 3 months to 60+ years, but I'll comment on those married more than 25.

WIFE: Honey, What do you think of this brown one?
HUSBAND: Looks great, Dear.
(2nd frame). WIFE: Honey, what do you think of this red one?
HUSBAND: I like the other one better, but they both look good. Etc. . .
Note the lack of outright criticism

Often wives come in by themselves and just choose frames on their own. And sometimes the husband just sits at the desk, says nothing, and the wife chooses the frames based on her and my opinions.

When the husband comes in alone, he rarely buys frames on his own. He chooses a few he likes, tells me he has to check with the boss, and either has his wife come in and approve them, or he takes selfies and chooses based on her input via text/call. He reasons that the wife is the one who will be looking at his face, not him, and since he wants to stay married, she has to like his choice of eyewear I have yet to see a wife fail to give her opinion to her husband when he needed glasses.

WORD FOR FREAKING WORD HERE!!! I learned a LONG LONG time ago to pick my battles carefully. Men have to constantly ask themselves "Do I REALLY care enough about this issue to contradict??" Women LOVE to input the decision making process based on emotion. Men rarely do. I have to HATE something, or it be a bad investment in order to veto it. Knowing I can veto it is what matters; all else is just noise. Women love to talk, in general, WAY WAY more than men. But the worst thing you can do is pretend to be listening or part of the conversation. And I still, after 20+ years get in trouble for that one....

Last edited by Perryinva; 12-18-2016 at 11:20 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-19-2016, 04:54 AM
Location: Central Massachusetts
4,800 posts, read 4,847,776 times
Reputation: 6379
This is just a fun thread. Thanks for starting it.

First off congrats to all of you who have been able to get beyond the 16 year mark and a huge hoooah to the 30+ crew. That shows real commitment. I picked 16 years because it took me that long to train my wife.

We have been married for 36 years and have gone through so many changes. I used to sit in my man cave. That lasted a few years but now we have a new thing. She and I share a table with two computers in our living room. She reads news or watches a movie (usually falls asleep in the chair) and I sit opposite her playing World of Warcraft or Words with Friends. That on top of read news and C-D and all the fun there.

We talk all the time. Half the time I get the entire message. The other I get the message but it is scrambled a bit so when I act on it I get it wrong. It mostly don't cause much of a problem but sometimes it does. It isn't cause I don't listen to her all the way. It is the language barrier. She speaks Venetian and I Martian. The languages are similar but some words just don't translate from V to M. Then what happens is the message just don't make it.

We never go to bed without a kiss. She still works so when she leaves she gives me a kiss. When she comes home and we work together on dinner we talk about the day and what is coming up. I expect that her working days will end next year but we will see. She will at least for this company not work much longer. She doesn't like the place.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 12-19-2016, 06:47 AM
Location: Vermont
10,307 posts, read 11,223,308 times
Reputation: 14186
Two hours of conversation with your spouse in a day together? That seems like a lot. I'd say you're doing fine.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top