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Old 12-19-2016, 07:50 AM
 
3,117 posts, read 1,722,097 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
cb2008: I never intended for my post to be amusing.
Sorry, my poor choice of words. Just wanted to say that in my experience, having a great relationship is hard work. Rewarding but it is hard. There are self-help books on the subject and I must have read them all, but it is still something I have to work at daily.
I wish you happiness.
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Old 12-19-2016, 07:55 AM
 
3,117 posts, read 1,722,097 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
We discuss decisions we are making. But, we don't pour out our hearts to each other on a regular basis.

Honestly, we need to work on communicating without being cranky and impatient. I am working on that these days.

I think we have more earnest conversations on car trips, and even then, not on every car trip.

We know each other so well after 46 years, that we don't have to talk all that much. But if we need to talk, or want to talk, we do.
totally agree about being cranky and impatient. Something about familiarity? I work on it every day, not always successfully , but I try.
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Old 12-19-2016, 09:28 AM
 
6,315 posts, read 5,055,910 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cb2008 View Post
totally agree about being cranky and impatient. Something about familiarity? I work on it every day, not always successfully , but I try.
Even though my "roommate" and I are now just roommates, I've noticed that I can get cranky and am trying to stop that. He is still a human being after all.

He will start asking things as soon as I am all cozy and snuggled in for the night. He yells down the hall and it is hard to hear. I usually have to get up and go ask him what he said.

I'm trying to train him to just text me - lol.
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Old 12-19-2016, 10:12 AM
 
Location: Houston, TX
14,699 posts, read 8,487,248 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Perryinva View Post
MWAHAHAHAHAHA.

WORD FOR FREAKING WORD HERE!!! I learned a LONG LONG time ago to pick my battles carefully. Men have to constantly ask themselves "Do I REALLY care enough about this issue to contradict??" Women LOVE to input the decision making process based on emotion. Men rarely do. I have to HATE something, or it be a bad investment in order to veto it. Knowing I can veto it is what matters; all else is just noise. Women love to talk, in general, WAY WAY more than men. But the worst thing you can do is pretend to be listening or part of the conversation. And I still, after 20+ years get in trouble for that one....
Right you are. My wife and I are a same sex couple, and good grief can we talk! I like it really. It's great to have someone who truly enjoys conversation. Back and forth, back and forth, for hours on end, every day. Blah, blah, blah, we'll talk about anything.

In contrast, my dearly departed grandmother (a Depression baby) was married twice. After her first husband passed away and she married her second husband, she told me he was a good provider and always came home right after work. He was always physically there, but offered zero emotional support. He barely talked to her at all, not out of resentment, but because of his personality. Carrying on a conversation with him was like pulling teeth. She knew he loved her though, because he was always there for her. When she asked him to do something, he would without complaint. I asked her if it was lonely. She told me somewhat, but she knew he could be relied on, and that was what mattered.
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Old 12-19-2016, 10:18 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,975,704 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Even though my "roommate" and I are now just roommates, I've noticed that I can get cranky and am trying to stop that. He is still a human being after all.

He will start asking things as soon as I am all cozy and snuggled in for the night. He yells down the hall and it is hard to hear. I usually have to get up and go ask him what he said.

I'm trying to train him to just text me - lol.
Just get walkie talkies.

(do they still make those?)
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Old 12-19-2016, 10:24 AM
 
6,315 posts, read 5,055,910 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverBird View Post
Just get walkie talkies.

(do they still make those?)
yes, they do, but texting is quieter.
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Old 12-19-2016, 12:52 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
14,699 posts, read 8,487,248 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
yes, they do, but texting is quieter.
My sister and BIL do that a lot. One will be in the bedroom, the other will be in the living room, and they will send each other text messages rather than walk the 10 feet down the hall to talk to one another!
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Old 12-19-2016, 01:17 PM
 
Location: Kronenwetter Wisconsin
287 posts, read 140,183 times
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We have been married 40 years and we both still work. At night when we are both home we talk but both also cherish the quiet times too. We probably talk the most when we are driving somewhere.
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Old 12-19-2016, 01:24 PM
 
5,426 posts, read 3,449,470 times
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I wonder if the OP (and maybe some other posters) are referring to or thought about emotional closeness, emotional intimacy, and emotional support.

(I know Scooby Snacks at her post #64 is the first poster to use the terminology 'emotional support')

When I thought about the OP's question, I immediately thought of emotional closeness, not just talking in general. Talking, of course, is a crucial element of emotional closeness. But the content of the talking is what can bring emotional closeness or keep a spouse (or anyone else) at a distance. And lack of sharing thoughts from one's partner, can make a spouse feel lonely and distant emotionally

Last edited by matisse12; 12-19-2016 at 01:34 PM..
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Old 12-19-2016, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,112 posts, read 45,631,484 times
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We are retired and don't really talk much. We each have our routines, but day to day we probably talk a bit about the days news and what sounds good for dinner....stuff like that. DH has a part time job in the mornings so he gets his chit chat out then.
He likes to watch a lot of tv and I like to read and look at things online. His new favorite "hobby" is to spend hours on the phone figuring stuff out, like which Medicare supplemental we should get (that took weeks), or which gas company will give us the best rate. He loves to go up to the office and figure stuff out. If a spreadsheet is involved, he's in heaven.
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