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It is becoming more and more difficult to have an enjoyable back and forth conversation with my husband of 45 years. Despite his wearing hearing aids, I have to repeat myself several times before he understands what I said. That takes the joy out of a casual, spontaneous throw-away remark. So we are kind of down to basic, necessary conversation but we do many things together. It may sound mean but it's exhausting repeating everything you say and trying to help him with what the waiter or checker said. I believe there is some dementia starting up, too.
I have the same difficulty with my husband and his hearing aid. To make things worse, often he removes it to put in earbuds but I can't see the iPod or whatever. Then he is totally deaf because he cranked up the iPod volume really high. Or, if he has the hearing aid in he accuses me of yelling because I assume he doesn't have it in and I too get tired of repeating things three or four times. No dementia yet, but I see signs that he might well get it fairly early. I call it the rigid-brain thing, where it seems he cannot even see what should be an obvious, common-sense way of doing things that happens to differ from his habitual way.
So here I am at my PC typing away in CD and doing other stuff. My husband is in his 'den' (which it really is because he is a hoarder and a shopper of Dollar stores) and working on his hobby - photography. he is trying to learn a new editing software.
It is cold and snowy outside so no desire to go out and we are home warm and cozy in our space and have talked to each other for maybe an hour or two if you put all the minutes together. I would feel lonely if he were away or something but this feels fine. We both fixed a leak problem in the morning - he fixed it, I talked. We ate together, I cooked, he cleaned. But often he wants to eat later and I eat by myself and he eats later. Sometimes I wonder if this is normal because, you know, it is important to be normal, right?
How much conversation do you have with your spouse over a day? Is it enough, too much, just right?
IMO that's one of the joys of having lived with a spouse for so many years in a good relationship, you have so much shared history you're comfortable just being together, and you can talk when you want to, or not, you're just that comfortable in each other's presence even when you're not saying anything. I know my husband and I can spend hours in an activity, maybe driving in the car, each occupied with our own thoughts, not saying anything out loud. But this can change in an instant when one of us says something, either in reaction to something we see around us, or a shared experience, or concern, or just want to share a thought, and it's like talking to an old friend, we laugh at how we know in advance what the other one will say, and sometimes finish each other's sentences.
As for "normal"?. I don't think there is a benchmark for how much time someone spends talking to a spouse, it's as individual as the people in the relationship are.
I don't see why this sharing of your space can't expend to other activities such as eating if you want to eat at different times, if that is what works for you
I have the same difficulty with my husband and his hearing aid. To make things worse, often he removes it to put in earbuds but I can't see the iPod or whatever. Then he is totally deaf because he cranked up the iPod volume really high. Or, if he has the hearing aid in he accuses me of yelling because I assume he doesn't have it in and I too get tired of repeating things three or four times. No dementia yet, but I see signs that he might well get it fairly early. I call it the rigid-brain thing, where it seems he cannot even see what should be an obvious, common-sense way of doing things that happens to differ from his habitual way.
LOL, my husband is also hard of hearing, but I'm never sure when he's wearing his hearing aids or not when we are home. Sometimes I swear his hearing is selective, whether he's not hearing me or is ignoring me is hard to tell sometimes. When I'm trying to get his attention I'll call something that sounds like "HALLOHALLO'ELLOOOO" at him. Guess I have said that one time too many since now our parakeet has picked it up so she says it, at the top of her lungs, too.
My husband is a babbler. He never shuts up. But real conversation, that's something different. Do I count all the times I have to repeat myself to get on his frequency? We have our best real conversation when we're driving, taking walks or out to dinner. Real conversation also takes real listening.
LOL, my husband is also hard of hearing, but I'm never sure when he's wearing his hearing aids or not when we are home. Sometimes I swear his hearing is selective, whether he's not hearing me or is ignoring me is hard to tell sometimes. When I'm trying to get his attention I'll call something that sounds like "HALLOHALLO'ELLOOOO" at him. Guess I have said that one time too many since now our parakeet has picked it up so she says it, at the top of her lungs, too.
Selective hearing, LOL, yup.
I love that your parakeet is echoing your attempts!
both retired. he hates watching tv. I love to read and be on computer. He putters around the house. If he is watching a show he likes on tv at night, he gets annoyed if I say anything to him. I can tell because he will grab the remote and mute it so I have to repeat what I said, the look on his face tells me I'm bothering him.
he once told me that I can take one sentence and turn it into a novel. example; the lady crossed the street.
my version, hey honey I was looking out the window it was such a beautiful sunny day. I noticed a lady in a really pretty dress, it was came down to her knees. the pattern was so pretty and her shoes matched her dress perfect as I watched her cross the street. lol
He will stop me in the middle of a story I am telling him about and say honey this really doesn't interest me why would I care about bla bla bla so have learned to keep quiet and read my book and don't mention things that I find interesting because he could care less.
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