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Old 12-17-2016, 06:54 PM
 
3,132 posts, read 1,724,698 times
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So here I am at my PC typing away in CD and doing other stuff. My husband is in his 'den' (which it really is because he is a hoarder and a shopper of Dollar stores) and working on his hobby - photography. he is trying to learn a new editing software.

It is cold and snowy outside so no desire to go out and we are home warm and cozy in our space and have talked to each other for maybe an hour or two if you put all the minutes together. I would feel lonely if he were away or something but this feels fine. We both fixed a leak problem in the morning - he fixed it, I talked. We ate together, I cooked, he cleaned. But often he wants to eat later and I eat by myself and he eats later. Sometimes I wonder if this is normal because, you know, it is important to be normal, right?

How much conversation do you have with your spouse over a day? Is it enough, too much, just right?
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Old 12-17-2016, 08:39 PM
 
Location: Florida
5,247 posts, read 3,018,567 times
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When is a bigger question. I want to read a book and she wants to "chat". Our tastes in TV are often quite different. We have 2 TVs, but only 1 DVR. Neither of us watch much that is live. We don't fight over it but sometimes it gets annoying.
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Old 12-17-2016, 08:45 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in deep in Maine
3,658 posts, read 2,812,119 times
Reputation: 4436
Quote:
Originally Posted by cb2008 View Post
So here I am at my PC typing away in CD and doing other stuff. My husband is in his 'den' (which it really is because he is a hoarder and a shopper of Dollar stores) and working on his hobby - photography. he is trying to learn a new editing software.

It is cold and snowy outside so no desire to go out and we are home warm and cozy in our space and have talked to each other for maybe an hour or two if you put all the minutes together. I would feel lonely if he were away or something but this feels fine. We both fixed a leak problem in the morning - he fixed it, I talked. We ate together, I cooked, he cleaned. But often he wants to eat later and I eat by myself and he eats later. Sometimes I wonder if this is normal because, you know, it is important to be normal, right?

How much conversation do you have with your spouse over a day? Is it enough, too much, just right?
Oh... I love this.

We didn't downsize when we moved to Northern New England; yeah we got 6 inches of the current 1-3 inch storm that you are probably talking about. My wife watches a lot of television in the TV room upstairs. I listen to a lot of music in the living room downstairs and work on writing my existential counseling manual that no one will ever read, and work to assist my clients worldwide(for free) with their existential crises in a weekly journaling experience.

My wife has her dulcimer group, which I drive he to and then go to the library across the street. I used to play violin in that group until they tossed me because they said I played too loud(my violin was muted, they have no idea what loud on a violin is really). She teaches home schooled kids in the Library, and I follow again. She works as a local YWCA board member. She has a book group. She has a journal writing class. She takes senior college courses. She plays mahjong. She teaches mountain Dulcimer to two adult pupils. She does lots of things; she's an extrovert.

I don't do very much other than keep the house warm and do repairs, work on my book, and help my world wide client list. She can use many of her skills from life; I would have to go to school to get all kinds of different certifications and licenses in Maine to do what I did for 40 years in work. My two pensions pay 7/8's of our retirement income.

But we don't talk a lot except in the car on our way to places.
We've been married for 43.5 years. I usually know what she is going to say about anything, and she me also. Although 2years ago I discovered that she hated cooking. She is the best cook I have ever run into in 67 years of life, and beats out 98% of restaurants. I thought since she was so good at it she loved it. Now I make soups when she seems stressed by it, and hope they last for 2 days of left overs.
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Old 12-17-2016, 09:48 PM
 
Location: too far from the sea
19,841 posts, read 18,861,423 times
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We've been stuck inside most of this dreary snowy day too. He sits in his man cave and watches videos on the computer. I sit in the living room and read on my laptop, watch tv, or go into the kitchen and cook.

He walks the dog in the snow. Winters are difficult here because there's so little to do in this area. Our conversations center around what's for supper, my asking him (again!) to please unload the dishwasher, him complaining that he only has one sock, both of us laughing at the dog. Rinse. Repeat.

Conversation? What is there to say? Oh look! A bird at the bird feeder! The car rides so much better with the new tires. (Then he lapses into a life history of every car he's ever owned, LOL.)
No, there isn't much conversation and definitely not much quality conversation. It's very mundane. But today I was thinking of how comfortable this is and that even when he's in the other room, it's nice knowing that he's here. Cocoa tastes better when he makes it and brings it to me.

I make a grocery list. He drives to the grocery store. We pay the bills. Once a week we go out to lunch at a nice place. But winters are so hard and we can be stuck in the house like this for days on end. On better days I can go to the library or to a store but in winter I don't dare get far from home because you never know what the weather will do.

We have a big trip planned for March and it can't come soon enough!
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Last edited by in_newengland; 12-17-2016 at 10:08 PM..
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Old 12-17-2016, 09:57 PM
 
6,819 posts, read 3,867,159 times
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Winter makes it hard. Not enough activities to do and talk about, especially when there is snow.
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Old 12-17-2016, 10:36 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,232 posts, read 6,335,450 times
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We have conversations on our daily walk. But nothing new, except about the concert he went with my daughter last night. Right now he is watching British premier football or soccer league on TV and I sit next to him with my iPad. My daughter just left to come back to her apartment. We had lots of good conversation with her. She showed us Hamilton on YouTube. We all amazed at Lin Emmanuel talent and vow to see it somehow.
No snow here but it's cold, 37 degree.
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Old 12-17-2016, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Frederick, Maryland
899 posts, read 478,340 times
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We've been married 35 years and retired 6 months. We were remarking on this very subject the other day. Do we talk enough?

Me: Do we talk enough? We don't seem to talk much. Do you think we're normal?

Him: Hadn't thought about it. Is there something you want to say? Something you want to do?

Me: Nope, just checking in. You happy?

Him: Yep. I'm happy.

Me: I guess we're good then.

Him: We're good

It's comforting to be with each other but we don't talk a lot. We do things together but a lot of,our time is spent at home in a kind of parallel play. We're just enjoying the quiet and not working.
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Old 12-17-2016, 11:30 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,232 posts, read 6,335,450 times
Reputation: 9854
We talked a lot when we were making a British Xmas cake the other day. He lost his mom's recipe. I had to google 3 different recipes on the Internet. A lot of talking to make sure I didn't ruin the cake. In the end it was not ruined. A success. And we had a lot of fun making it.
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Old 12-17-2016, 11:48 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
78,739 posts, read 70,579,935 times
Reputation: 76715
Quote:
Originally Posted by homeonthelittlemountain View Post
We've been married 35 years and retired 6 months. We were remarking on this very subject the other day. Do we talk enough?

Me: Do we talk enough? We don't seem to talk much. Do you think we're normal?

Him: Hadn't thought about it. Is there something you want to say? Something you want to do?

Me: Nope, just checking in. You happy?

Him: Yep. I'm happy.

Me: I guess we're good then.

Him: We're good

It's comforting to be with each other but we don't talk a lot. We do things together but a lot of,our time is spent at home in a kind of parallel play. We're just enjoying the quiet and not working.

lol! Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it! You guys are both good, that's all that matters. Carry on!
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Old 12-17-2016, 11:59 PM
 
1,190 posts, read 659,455 times
Reputation: 1021
Quote:
Originally Posted by cb2008 View Post
So here I am at my PC typing away in CD and doing other stuff. My husband is in his 'den' (which it really is because he is a hoarder and a shopper of Dollar stores) and working on his hobby - photography. he is trying to learn a new editing software.

It is cold and snowy outside so no desire to go out and we are home warm and cozy in our space and have talked to each other for maybe an hour or two if you put all the minutes together. I would feel lonely if he were away or something but this feels fine. We both fixed a leak problem in the morning - he fixed it, I talked. We ate together, I cooked, he cleaned. But often he wants to eat later and I eat by myself and he eats later. Sometimes I wonder if this is normal because, you know, it is important to be normal, right?

How much conversation do you have with your spouse over a day? Is it enough, too much, just right?
I am glad you both have enough time to enjoy your hobbies We both work so we have alot of conversation about our days, retirement is a while away. If you aren't getting out and doing things, seeing people, then you both probably just don't have alot to talk about. Thanks ok
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