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Growing up, I used to hear that age brings wisdom; the older people are, the wiser they are likely to be.
If I believed everything I read on the Internet, though, I'd think that people over the age of 80-90 not only aren't wise; they are (at best) lovable nuisances, who have to be protected from scams that wouldn't fool a 10-year-old.
I do have a number of relatives in that age range, and I have to say that it wouldn't occur to me to consult them for wise counsel. Some are demented. The ones who aren't, seem to have stopped expanding their knowledge since around the time their oldest kids left home.
So I wondered: Do you have one or more very-elders who are so much wiser than you, that you go to them for counsel and insight? If you yourself are in the 80-90 age range, do younger people come to you for counsel and insight? If they don't come to you, do you feel they are missing out on something - that you would have such counsel to offer, if approached?
Growing up, I used to hear that age brings wisdom; the older people are, the wiser they are likely to be.
If I believed everything I read on the Internet, though, I'd think that people over the age of 80-90 not only aren't wise; they are (at best) lovable nuisances, who have to be protected from scams that wouldn't fool a 10-year-old.
I do have a number of relatives in that age range, and I have to say that it wouldn't occur to me to consult them for wise counsel. Some are demented. The ones who aren't, seem to have stopped expanding their knowledge since around the time their oldest kids left home.
So I wondered: Do you have one or more very-elders who are so much wiser than you, that you go to them for counsel and insight? If you yourself are in the 80-90 age range, do younger people come to you for counsel and insight? If they don't come to you, do you feel they are missing out on something - that you would have such counsel to offer, if approached?
There is a difference between technical knowledge and life knowledge.
My nieces and grand nieces loved to hear my mom's views on relationships - and she was 90. But we did have to protect her from mail scams.
I kind of do not like it when I am asked to give advice to high school kids.
I'll tell them that I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and at my age still don't know what I want to do in life, but things are working out great - lol. Do parents want their kids to hear that?
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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I would say that advice is best coming from people with the experience, but still young enough to be rational and lucid. That may apply to some in their 80s, but more so in the 50s and 60s. My mother (85), for example, repeats the same story several times in the course of a few hours, not remembering that she already told it. My stepfather (81) is a huge wealth of advice when it comes to things mechanical and still tinkers around his shop, even welding at times. When it comes to relationships, a couple married 40+ years in their 60s with several kids and grandkids has most likely figured it out, and remembers enough to share it.
If it's a general life issue, maybe, and that's a strong maybe. 3/4 of my grandparents are still around, but one was a housewife, and the other set is an alcoholic and an enabler. I wouldn't really ask my paternal grandparents advice on anything - their lives have been royally screwed up with constant stints in and out of jail and fighting. They're not people you want to emulate.
I've sought the advice of other older people, but it's been pretty general stuff.
I think the desire and wisdom to consult elders often comes after the elders are gone -which is a sad thing.
Sometimes one is too young to realize that elders can offer wisdom or discussion and a historical perspective while the elders are still around - or the need to consult them occurs after they are gone.
I know I did not realize what i could have asked my grandparents about until many years, decades even, after they were gone.
And if not discussing wisdom about life, we could have discussed more about what they experienced in life growing up, their adulthood years, WWI (or WWII), and their parents (my great grand-parents).
I also could have discussed the lives of my parents more with my parents - their growing up years, teen years, young & older adulthood, etc - before they were gone. Although I do remember that some of my questions about their past were met with reluctance to discuss.
Last edited by matisse12; 12-19-2016 at 01:38 PM..
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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I use older friends to bounce ideas off very frequently. age 80+ included. I have some very wise and alert 90+ yo friends, and some of my friends in their 20's have very good advice. It is really SMART to listen to your kids... (in more ways than just with your ears...)
but... sometimes people in their 80's get to feeling out-of-touch and can become irrational by choice or medical condition.
Thus... before YOU get there... have stuff written out and agreed upon.
I have never consulted Elders for what they might know in any high level sense. I gave up by age 10 trying to get useful information from parents, teachers, and other Elders. They'd either tell you straight out they didn't know anything, answer questions with the question: "Whattaya askin' me for?", or attempt to regal me with a steaming pile of "knowledge " which always turned out to be false, or at best under or misinformed. I always did better ignoring them or looking things up for myself. I doubt any of those people have changed just because they got really really old in the past 40 or 50 years
If I was in the market for a certain kind of car, say a Toyota, I might ask one of them if they've ever owned a Toyota and what did they think of it. But that's not wisdom.
I think rather than relegating interaction with elders with what 'wisdom' can be shared, one could think in terms of just discussion or sharing thoughts rather than calling it 'wisdom'.
I have a friend who repeats everything her mother every said to her and her siblings. For some reason she thinks they are some sort of wisdom but most of them aren't. Ugh, she can relate everything back to some "pearl" she thinks her mother said. And she will tell anyone at anytime. I am on the verge of telling her to write all the "Martha-isms" down and publish them.
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