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Old 12-19-2016, 10:25 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,056 posts, read 17,376,569 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Koshka2 View Post
It may be way too early to be determining what will happen in the future and whether you will early retire. Kids with Asperger's (yes, I know that is the "old" term) can be in a wide range of functioning. My son attended a therapeutic school for several years. He just missed the cutoff for an Asperger's diagnosis -- on the spectrum he wasn't quite there -- but did have ADHD. The school he attended was mostly kids on the autism spectrum. There is a wide range of intellectual ability and functioning. For example, it is possibly to be highly gifted and be on the autism spectrum. Many students at this school did attend college. My son graduated from college. I am not saying that will be your son. I am not saying that will not be your son. Just knowing someone is on the autism spectrum doesn't answer that question. So, while I think it is prudent to think about the future and how it might affect retirement plans, it may be too early to know the outcome.
Excellent points.

You will have a much better idea of how your child will function as an adult, five or six years from now, when they are in 3rd or 4th grade. And, an even better idea when they are in HS.

Yes, some adults with Asperger's will need help their entire lives, will never be able to hold down a good job and have very, very limited social lives and other adults with Asperger's have high powered, well paying careers and end up happily married with children. At age three it is almost impossible to tell the difference those two groups.
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Old 12-19-2016, 10:53 PM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,797 posts, read 7,712,915 times
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We just retired this year and our 34 yr. Old high functioning autistic son lived with us as we travel the usa in our rv. Forget planning your whole life way ahead. No matter how you plan, it will be different than you Plan You can figure it all out as you go along.

I don't know what you have been told, but I can almost guarantee your child will achieve much more than you imagine now. Our son could stay at home by himself as an adult when we would go on vacation, do basic cooking, and worked a job.
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Old 12-20-2016, 05:16 AM
 
29,784 posts, read 34,880,403 times
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A lot of good thinking and thoughts about the whole concept of the Austism/Aspergers spectrum and how it varies so much in life outcomes. If you haven't actually looked at a chart of Asperger in adult symptoms in may be comforting to know that many of them are characteristics common in many people. There are those who would argue that schools have become to quick in identifying and labeling. For years it may have been lacking recognition and now it may be a tad overdone in the minds of many. Find comfort in the fact that it is called high functioning because it is just that the ability to fully function as a normal adult with success while still having traits associated with Aspergers.

The following is typical of the behaviors of adults with Aspergers syndrome. Having them is hardly a game changer that says life not a success. The issues can often be more for others than for the person with.

http://health.facty.com/conditions/a...s-symptoms-usa
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Old 12-20-2016, 05:41 AM
 
Location: Central IL
15,253 posts, read 8,543,297 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by misscross View Post
I am just looking for some tips or general advice because I don't have a lot of details right now. We just learned our youngest child, a preschooler, may be high functioning autism spectrum or what they used to call Aspberger's syndrome.

I began to read stories about elderly parents who were caring for disabled adult children with the parents into their 80s and the kids being in their 60s some of the cases with severely disabled children. I don't know if that will be us, hopefully not, but I don't know.

Well there goes any dreams of early retirement for us. I don't know where to start doing this type of specific retirement planning, just got a referral to a financial planner so we'll do that soon but want to ask real life retirees for your opinions and experiences.

some ideas jumping around my head
- we need to keep the life insurance policy on DH, it's expensive because he's insured for a good sum, and I was about to look at switching to a cheaper policy until this happened.
- I need to keep working even though it's hard with special needs child, if DH dies of a stroke or heart attack in his 50s and he very well could being obese male in stressful job, then we need the health insurance
- be prepared to have child live with us well into adulthood. Fortunately our home is large enough this is not a problem

any ideas, comments, opinions or know of other retirees in similar situations?
It bodes ill when you say "there goes any dreams of early retirement for us". You're having children quite late in life anyway so was that really an option anyway? Don't go through these years with THIS thought in mind - it'll hurt you and your child.

You don't really know ANYTHING yet - the fact that you head to the worst possible conclusion even though you say "high functioning" also is a clue as to what your main concern is. Focus now on getting a more confirmed diagnosis realizing it may take years to know the full implications. Put money aside for possible tutors and classes so that future care won't be as necessary. Save in a flexible way so you aren't cornered into something not even needed.

My sister was diagnosed as "retarded" - such an ugly word compared to now! She's actually VERY highly functioning but in SPITE of a very bad diagnosis early on - my parents were told to institutionalize her and if given reasonable advice with more positive expectations she'd likely be in a much better place now. Your child will live UP or DOWN to your expectations - think about that.
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Old 12-20-2016, 07:06 AM
 
29,784 posts, read 34,880,403 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
It bodes ill when you say "there goes any dreams of early retirement for us". You're having children quite late in life anyway so was that really an option anyway? Don't go through these years with THIS thought in mind - it'll hurt you and your child.

You don't really know ANYTHING yet - the fact that you head to the worst possible conclusion even though you say "high functioning" also is a clue as to what your main concern is. Focus now on getting a more confirmed diagnosis realizing it may take years to know the full implications. Put money aside for possible tutors and classes so that future care won't be as necessary. Save in a flexible way so you aren't cornered into something not even needed.

My sister was diagnosed as "retarded" - such an ugly word compared to now! She's actually VERY highly functioning but in SPITE of a very bad diagnosis early on - my parents were told to institutionalize her and if given reasonable advice with more positive expectations she'd likely be in a much better place now. Your child will live UP or DOWN to your expectations - think about that.
A lot of Bada Bing here! Social Media is also changing the way those with Asperger's socially interact with the world. It can be a lot less imposing with easier access in and out of interactions.
https://ronz1970.wordpress.com/2010/...al-revolution/
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Old 12-20-2016, 10:55 AM
 
Location: USA
1,815 posts, read 2,244,399 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by misscross View Post
just to clarify DH and I are both early mid 40s and our child is so young we do not know what the future holds other than we may very well be faced with taking care of an adult child in our own retirement. The school support seems ok to good according to the other parents in the area I have met, and the discussions center around getting through the current challenges of these young kids' lives mostly, not on what would happen when they're adults and we are seniors.


Relax.


I score very high on the spectrum yet I have always had a job, bought and paid for cars, a house, and supported myself, by myself. It took me a while (I was almost 30), but I am fully self-supporting and live on my own. I'm just a little different.


Don't let the diagnosis define your child. Don't be quick to push a lot of drugs.


Treat him/her like any other child. We "high functioning" ones are pretty much like the rest of you. Our quirks are just a little different than your quirks -- but we all have quirks.
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Old 12-20-2016, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Kansas
19,185 posts, read 15,034,421 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewToCA View Post
Wife and I are in our early to mid 60's with an adult child who is significantly mentally handicapped, far more limited than what you'll be facing in the future. Daughter still lives with us, and everything has gone rather well. We have had to significantly adjust our view of what constitutes retirement, but we haven't found that to be too big a deal.

Financially, it varies by kid, some will qualify for some SSI benefits and some won't. Likewise, some will be able to work, at least basic types of jobs, and some won't.

But it hasn't ruined our lives.
My husband and myself are getting ready to full-time RV. We have retired early at 62, not in the lap of luxury for sure, but doable. Life is short.

We have an adult son with Down syndrome who is 30 years old and lower functioning. We looked at programs for him here in KS, but none were acceptable. Our son does get Medicaid (actually privatized here), SSI and will have Medicare entitlement once we reach that age.

There is no way in the world to predict how a pre-schooler will do, and worrying about it will only cast a shadow on parenting the child. I would spend my time seeking knowledge about getting the best outcome for my child.
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Old 12-20-2016, 12:53 PM
 
30,136 posts, read 47,361,961 times
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I taught with someone who had her second child in less than favorable situatuion--only one OBGYN delivering babies and as her son was crowning and close to birth, the nurses crossed her legs and told her not to push...
As a consequence, her son developed cerebral palsy and other handicaps due to the nurses' negligence...
Unfortunately she did not realize how dangerous that proceedure was for her child...didn't complain to the doctor...didn't make any kind of legal claim for damages...And wasn't checking for anomolies in development as he grew older...it wasn't until he was about 4 and still had problems walking (his older sister would carry him a lot) and with language and small motor development that she finally acknowledged there were issues...
Her pediatrician would just tell her he was slow to develop....

They love their son but he is never going to be able to function as an adult. He graduated high school last year after staying past his 18th birthday--and was in some special Ed classes but because she is teacher and spent lot of time helping him at home, his grades make him seem really smarter than he is...
He can never drive a car (terrible sense of direction and lacks decision making skills), pay bills, or really make a legal-level decision on his own...He is very trusting and likely to be taken advantage of by unscrupulous people. Parents went through the process of having his rights taken away legally and put into a guardianship. His older sister is very responsible and she (and her fiancé) will be willing to take that over when her parents can't.

Initially her husband had good job with FedEx as driver (great ins/benefits and good pay because he got lot of overtime) but that changed when his knees gave out and eventually he had to leave after 3 knee surgeries and disability leave. He finished college and got job in mortgage company---lot of debt built up before he finished.
She teaches and while her district pays well, it is not great money...she coaches volleyball on the side.

Their biggest mistake was not understanding how to work within the system...and not seeing his problems with developing early on...issues that might have been remediated easier, with better result if they had been addressed sooner just became the norm after being ignored for years...

I encouraged her to contact the local/state agencies that works with disabled people to help him get started with any programs/benefits but Texas where we live does not have strong social programs like some other areas...they were reluctant because her husband felt like it was "charity"...
Because she waited until he was in his mid teens, his place on the lists for things like assisted living/group home meant he still has to wait...some other programs were easier to access--like a work program through some agency---
Now he has job at Krogers, sacking groceries--has been there a year--has insurance if ACA means he can't stay on his parents' and can contribute to 401K plan--not that he is making lot of money...

I would encourage you to learn about what your son's real condition is---
Some people (like teachers) overreact and make diagnosis w/o the scientific background to make accurate assessment.
Know that Asperger's is very different condition than what my friend's son has...
His situation for a variety of reasons is relevant to him/his family--but it is a lesson in how not educating yourself and being proactive can cause serious consequences...

Lastly--
They had real financial issues not related to their son--but even now, their financial situation lack a real fall back.
Get a good financial advisor--someone who deals with parents of special needs children...
Trump's presidency make impact the tax laws more than any single presidency in history so you should be aware of issues like health saying plans, trusts, and other aspects of investing/inheriting that might be worth knowing...

You don't even know if you have a true problem with your child...
But it sounds like your husband definitely has some health concerns that would profit from remediation---
Losing weight and betting into better shape is a gift for his son and you...and himself...
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Old 12-20-2016, 12:53 PM
 
29,784 posts, read 34,880,403 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red On The Noodle View Post
Relax.


I score very high on the spectrum yet I have always had a job, bought and paid for cars, a house, and supported myself, by myself. It took me a while (I was almost 30), but I am fully self-supporting and live on my own. I'm just a little different.


Don't let the diagnosis define your child. Don't be quick to push a lot of drugs.


Treat him/her like any other child. We "high functioning" ones are pretty much like the rest of you. Our quirks are just a little different than your quirks -- but we all have quirks.
Bada Bing!
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Old 12-20-2016, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,693 posts, read 4,725,286 times
Reputation: 28186
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Yes, some adults with Asperger's will need help their entire lives, will never be able to hold down a good job and have very, very limited social lives and other adults with Asperger's have high powered, well paying careers and end up happily married with children.
Good point.

Throw a rock on University Avenue in Palo Alto and you'll hit an Aspie.

...who will then return the rock to you, point out it is igneous instead of metamorphic or sedimentary and tell you as much about all three types of rock as you can stand.

I'd say Aspies are a dime a dozen here, except it'll cost you at least $4.5 million per year to hire a dozen of them.

Dr. Michael Burry ("The Big Short") has ASD. Didn't stop him from making over $1 billion shorting the housing market.
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