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Old 12-20-2016, 06:22 AM
 
6,253 posts, read 4,728,813 times
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Mathjak described a very common problem. I always wonder about the outcome when I hear someone is going to retire but wants to make some money with a lower level part time job. The amount of money is often minimal and the work usually is harder than they want.


Anyway, the Mathjak effect seems to be only a minor part of what is happening with the OP. The OP is depressed. We don't know what happened before her divorce but she tells us she was depressed after the divorce and leaving the workplace. No wonder, both are major stresses and they hit together. Depression is often accompanied by denial. We look at the rest of the world, like the other hostess, as causing the problem. We rarely recognize the extent that depression affects our life.


Depression is not likely to go away with a trip to New Zealand or traveling in a campervan. The first step is to recognize the problem. The OP has sort of done that. The next step is to look for help. The OP has not gotten to that step. I recommend taking that step. Or the OP can just wait for life to get worse and harder and then finally realize help is needed. BTW, there are other treatments besides drugs. Diet, exercise, and adequate sleep can help. Usually a lot more is needed.
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Old 12-20-2016, 06:28 AM
 
491 posts, read 598,100 times
Reputation: 2095
I have had a lot less seasonal affect disorder since I started increasing my vitamin D. It may be just a coincidence but it has helped. I was, as an elderly friend discribed herself, like cream, I always rose to the top(management) and am somewhat of a loner, so I too found it hard to fit in, much happier not working.
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Old 12-20-2016, 06:42 AM
 
Location: NC
6,553 posts, read 7,974,458 times
Reputation: 13460
One reason that I continued my education for at least a decade past high school was for exactly the reason that posters are alluding to. The less educated or less successful (not necessarily monetary-wise) can be very difficult to live and work among. They have different coping methods than those who have accomplished a lot in their lives. I sacrificed my young work years to education in order to work among a more (as I saw it) logical group of people. True, life is never all rainbows and kittens, but there is an enormous benefit to seeking and accomplishing the highest level you can and sticking with it as long as you can. Then when you retire, avoid having to respond to petulance and pettiness by all means.
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Old 12-20-2016, 07:03 AM
 
6,313 posts, read 5,053,602 times
Reputation: 12820
Quote:
Originally Posted by TMKSarah View Post
I am 61, divorced, in pretty good health and am lucky enough to look 50. I left corporate America after my divorce at 58, or maybe I should say it left me...no matter, I had the funds for a modest retirement.

I have gone through 5 jobs, all of which were just very low paying, part time gigs. I excelled at them, however, either the physical strain was way too much, not the job they hired me for or the office politics were so hostile I quit. The last was as a hostess in an upscale restaurant that I really enjoyed. Too bad the hostess that had been there the longest, was closest to my age, took an extreme dislike of me and tried so hard to make my life a misery.

Management was happy with my work, but she was not and the stress of dealing with her constant criticism was extremely difficult so I quit. Yes, I had discussed how I could learn to communicate with this hostess with management. They informed me that she had no empathy and that I had to assert myself regarding her behavior toward me. I asserted myself and the environment just got worse so I made the decision to quit much to the shock of management!

Well, it is the Christmas season and we are in the middle of a Polar Vortex which keeps me in the house and I am feeling depressed. I am alone ALOT.

Have any of you gone through a period of retirement adjustment that was not what you expected? I am beginning to think that I am not depressed necessarily because of having to quit that last job so much as I am experiencing the depression that goes along with a major life change. I am not so depressed to need or want medication. It is more a kind of "what the blazes do I do now!" frustration and ennui.

Thoughts would be greatly appreciated!
First, why do you mention that you are lucky to look 50 right off the bat?

How ad is the polar vortex in your area? Can you at least walk outside for a couple of blocks? I was starting to get stuck in the house and we don't even get snow. Now I make sure to leave and maybe just go to the store down the street. I feel better. I've started attending a weekday evening mass. Can't get myself to go during the longer weekend service. Kids just run rampant. Yes, get off my pew! Lol
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Old 12-20-2016, 08:43 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,654 posts, read 4,699,473 times
Reputation: 27978
Quote:
Originally Posted by TMKSarah View Post
Well, it is the Christmas season and we are in the middle of a Polar Vortex which keeps me in the house and I am feeling depressed. I am alone ALOT.

Have any of you gone through a period of retirement adjustment that was not what you expected? I am beginning to think that I am not depressed necessarily because of having to quit that last job so much as I am experiencing the depression that goes along with a major life change. I am not so depressed to need or want medication. It is more a kind of "what the blazes do I do now!" frustration and ennui.
You don't have to figure everything out right now. This is the time for self-care. Indulge in holiday comfort rituals, like hot cocoa with miniature marshmallows or hot apple cider. Do you have a fondness for a Christmas movie? I've been watching "Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol" once a year for decades now. A little cheesy but it brings back happy memories.

What's your favorite Christmas cookie? DH mentioned gingerbread cookies the other day, so I went on Amazon and bought The World's Smallest Cookie Sheet to use in the convection oven in my RV. Off to the store later on to get the cookie mix and icing. We're in Lake Havasu City today, having escaped California's freezing temperatures.

Don't forget to do some stretching while you're pampering yourself. Muscles can get stiff and cold this time of year.
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Old 12-20-2016, 08:53 AM
 
2,294 posts, read 1,560,729 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StealthRabbit View Post
quick answer... (I did this last winter) ... get a one way ticket to south island of New Zealand or to Australia (NZ preferred for safe and very nice people and terrain), buy a $4000 campervan (cheaper than renting... very easy to resell to any of a zillion German youth). Stay till it starts turning cold, or you feel like coming home. (might need to leave a couple times for short trips to renew your tourist status).

Lots to see, very great people and adventures. Camping is often FREE (or you can stay at $10 / night guest homes, as I did)
imagine 4:30AM sunrises and 10:30pm sunsets over the ocean in January! + FLOWERS, lots of WILD flowers and great Botanical Gardens. Upick berries, good produce, no predators, (very happy and safe sheep!). It is nice for an 'attitude adjustment'. (I needed that!) Beach and Mtn campsites were really NICE.

gives you plenty of time to work out / work on / work over YOU, and realize that you will make it through, and have a good time on the journey!

When / if you return to USA, you will have a fresh perspective.

I had a 'farmsitter' come and enjoy my house / feed my pets and plants while I was gone about a yr.
Maybe you can heal faster than I, but I will be ready again in a few yrs!

Just think!!! next yr you will qualify for your National Parks Pass! and can take another yr off! (look on Travel thread for FREE 2017 Canada NP passes!) Consider a campervan / Roadtrek or similar, very nice way to travel. You can stay in it, or with superb hosts who have very nice guest qtrs. My mom did yrs of solo trips in hers.

For work... don't let it get you down, there will be the right place for you, when you are ready. You will excel when your time comes, and blossom into yet another gorgeous bloom for others (and yourself) to enjoy. Dealing with 'longterm' coworkers need not be an issue. You have 'served-your-time' and your sentence was 'commuted'! You are FREE!
Your lifestyle would TOTALLY STRESS ME OUT...especially in retirement and especially as I got older into my 70's and older...but maybe that's just me...
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Old 12-20-2016, 09:08 AM
 
Location: Myrtle Beach
1,499 posts, read 1,190,014 times
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Like Aqua blue I also had SAD (seasonal affect disorder), especially since I worked in an office all day. My doctor recommended upping my Vitamin D and it helped tremendously.
As for "what the blazes do I do now" if you live near a college town, I would suggest you find a class that starts in January. Pick a subject that you always wanted to learn about that has small group discussions. In many places you can audit a class for little or no money. I find that being around new people and discussing new ideas can greatly lift your spirits.
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Old 12-20-2016, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Haiku
4,067 posts, read 2,572,689 times
Reputation: 5996
Quote:
Originally Posted by TMKSarah View Post
Well, it is the Christmas season and we are in the middle of a Polar Vortex which keeps me in the house and I am feeling depressed. I am alone ALOT.

Have any of you gone through a period of retirement adjustment that was not what you expected? I am beginning to think that I am not depressed necessarily because of having to quit that last job so much as I am experiencing the depression that goes along with a major life change. I am not so depressed to need or want medication. It is more a kind of "what the blazes do I do now!" frustration and ennui.
I think the part you emphasized above is the biggest problem - you are alone a lot. Combine that with ending of a career and bad job experience you had and I am not surprised you are feeling down.

As to your question - yes, it took some adjusting (and still does) for me. I left a fairly demanding career with lots of responsibility to basically nothing. I would have gone nuts - and probably had a bit of depression - if I had been alone and did not have a lot of outside interests.

So, get out of the house and socialize. Find a group with like-interests. Book club. Whatever.
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Old 12-20-2016, 09:44 AM
 
3,107 posts, read 1,720,738 times
Reputation: 3497
Quote:
Originally Posted by TMKSarah View Post
I am 61, divorced, in pretty good health and am lucky enough to look 50. I left corporate America after my divorce at 58, or maybe I should say it left me...no matter, I had the funds for a modest retirement.

I have gone through 5 jobs, all of which were just very low paying, part time gigs. I excelled at them, however, either the physical strain was way too much, not the job they hired me for or the office politics were so hostile I quit. The last was as a hostess in an upscale restaurant that I really enjoyed. Too bad the hostess that had been there the longest, was closest to my age, took an extreme dislike of me and tried so hard to make my life a misery.

Management was happy with my work, but she was not and the stress of dealing with her constant criticism was extremely difficult so I quit. Yes, I had discussed how I could learn to communicate with this hostess with management. They informed me that she had no empathy and that I had to assert myself regarding her behavior toward me. I asserted myself and the environment just got worse so I made the decision to quit much to the shock of management!

Well, it is the Christmas season and we are in the middle of a Polar Vortex which keeps me in the house and I am feeling depressed. I am alone ALOT.

Have any of you gone through a period of retirement adjustment that was not what you expected? I am beginning to think that I am not depressed necessarily because of having to quit that last job so much as I am experiencing the depression that goes along with a major life change. I am not so depressed to need or want medication. It is more a kind of "what the blazes do I do now!" frustration and ennui.

Thoughts would be greatly appreciated!
Are you comfortable with your finances to completely retire? Do you need the money from these jobs or do you do it to get you out of the house? I think the answer to these important question determines the attitude you bring to these gigs that you are doing.
Throughout my career I always felt underemployed - I had more talent and skills than it required but. Could never get that position where I could utilize them. I started late after several years as stay at home mom so never had a career that was satisfying. I felt very frustrated and depressed.
When I finally quit working to pick up writing seriously I got calls for open positions in my field in finance and I finally accepted a consulting role in a nice company. I laid down my conditions, I was an independent contributor, never attempted to make friends, and I was very happy until I quit. Yes there were insecure people around me but my attitude helped me not to get stressed. I did not try to tell anyone to do their job better or anything like that. I learnt to focus on why I am there, just for the money, not to make friends.
It worked for me.
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Old 12-20-2016, 10:05 AM
 
284 posts, read 259,411 times
Reputation: 715
Being alone alot is not a good thing unless it's by choice, so I would suggest looking into possible "Meet-ups" in your area. We're not in a big metropolitan area, but there are numerous groups; hiking groups, dinner groups, social awareness type groups. Find something of interest that could be an opportunity for you to get out of the house and meet new people. One thing is certain, new friends are not going to come knock on your door, so you gotta make yourself get out there. I have a family member who subscribes to "kitty therapy". When she starts feeling lonely and sad, she volunteers at her local animal shelter. Even if its just sitting and petting the cats, it has a positive effect on her mood.
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