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Old 12-25-2016, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,723,738 times
Reputation: 32304

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Quote:
Originally Posted by jazzcat22 View Post
I'm with you 100%, Kate! (Wish I could meet people like you in real life.) I especially get frustrated/bored with the organ recital (medical info) since people's understanding of medicine and how their bodies work is so limited. I'm interested in medical science, but when people can't really explain what the doctor said or what is being done or actual anatomy and physiology, it is not fun or educational for me.

I do have one friend who has a grandchild I find interesting to hear about---because I get a sense of the girl's personality and uniqueness---but in general, just to hear the basics, often sugarcoated, isn't of interest to me. I have tried to be interested (at the very least, listen politely and attentively, even asking questions to find out more), but then when I see that the grandparent isn't interested at all in anything about me, then I try to muster up my self-esteem and ego in a healthy way. I remind myself that I am more than just an ear for the other person to brag to about their progeny, so then try to limit my interactions with such people.

I'm not a traveler, although I have traveled in the past. People's travel plans or completed trips could be interesting to an extent if they really talked about what draws them to a place or how they felt while there. But too often it's just reciting what sites they visited and showing photos (which are even less interesting on a cell phone than they were as actual printed photographs, slides, etc.). I've tried to express interest in where people have traveled to since it's important to them. But I find it difficult to strike a conversation of mutual interest. For example, friends went to Holland. They visited a tulip grower. I looked at phone photos of hundreds of red tulips. I commented that they were pretty and there were lots of them. Then I tried to steer the conversation towards the "tulip mania" that happened in Holland in the 1630's. Now that fascinates me---how tulips were such a hot commodity back then (lowly little tulips that barely get noticed now!) and its implications for modern economics. They had visited Holland but didn't even know what I was talking about! (I've never been, but I read stuff.) But worse, it was of no interest to them. They quickly moved on to show yet more photos. And here I had expressed interest in what interested them, but it definitely wasn't reciprocated.

I don't mean to sound like a Negative Nellie who has no interests, with saying that personal health concerns/grandkids/travel aren't fascinating to me. I do have interests and passions. Current events, cooking, reading (what I read isn't what book clubs or on the best seller list), learning about Buddhism, meditation, yoga, listening to rock/classical/jazz, watching ballet and modern dance, working out, foreign and independent films), personal growth and development, animals, healthy living. Difficult to find people my own age with these interests, but I'd rather pursue them on a solitary basis than pursue socialization just to say that I have been around some fellow age-appropriate humans, trying to connect but in reality, not establishing meaningful connections or doing/thinking about what I love.
You have identified a genuine problem. So many people are incredibly superficial, banal, uneducated, and therefore uninteresting. Your concrete examples illustrate all that so well. If we have a few friends with whom we can talk about literature, history, etc., then we are lucky. I consider myself lucky.

Grandchildren, medical problems, that sort of thing - it just boggles the mind that so many are stuck on that level. It's pathetic. Exception: I am interested in hearing about the grandchildren of my cousins because I saw those grandchildren from time to time when they were growing up. They are people whom I know personally even if I don't know them well, and in addition they are my own flesh and blood.

Your excellent point can be further illustrated by the "chat"-like nature of so many posts here on City-Data. Why pepople enjoy posting (and why others enjoy reading) the most trivial, banal, mundane, and routine aspects of their daily lives is beyond me. Why would I care how many dogs someone saw on her daily walk this morning, or how many cups of coffee she had?

I would have been interested in your exposition of the tulip mania in Holland in the 1630's. This is the first I've heard of it. It seems to me you and I would enjoy conversing with each other.
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Old 12-25-2016, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Location: Happy Place
3,685 posts, read 1,863,297 times
Reputation: 11289
just my husband and me. We are here for each other. So far on Christmas day, no calls or texts from his kids or grandkids. I am SO upset at the way they ignore him.

They all better hope he outlives me. If I am left a widow, they do NOT want to mess with me. I will not be kind to them.
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Old 12-25-2016, 11:03 AM
 
4,984 posts, read 5,060,810 times
Reputation: 6322
Social isolation is a derivative of the modern society, individuals getting out more and doing mechanistic "get well" socializing will not change a thing to the better.
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Old 12-25-2016, 11:14 AM
 
4,984 posts, read 5,060,810 times
Reputation: 6322
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
You have identified a genuine problem. So many people are incredibly superficial, banal, uneducated, and therefore uninteresting. Your concrete examples illustrate all that so well. If we have a few friends with whom we can talk about literature, history, etc., then we are lucky. I consider myself lucky.

Grandchildren, medical problems, that sort of thing - it just boggles the mind that so many are stuck on that level. It's pathetic. Exception: I am interested in hearing about the grandchildren of my cousins because I saw those grandchildren from time to time when they were growing up. They are people whom I know personally even if I don't know them well, and in addition they are my own flesh and blood.

Your excellent point can be further illustrated by the "chat"-like nature of so many posts here on City-Data. Why pepople enjoy posting (and why others enjoy reading) the most trivial, banal, mundane, and routine aspects of their daily lives is beyond me. Why would I care how many dogs someone saw on her daily walk this morning, or how many cups of coffee she had?

I would have been interested in your exposition of the tulip mania in Holland in the 1630's. This is the first I've heard of it. It seems to me you and I would enjoy conversing with each other.
Yup, people seek perfect fits for recreational and "networking" socializing, empty streets and month old undiscovered corpses are among the outcomes. If a person cannot find something to talk about with HS dropouts, he is not as "enlightened" as he imagines himself.
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Old 12-25-2016, 11:40 AM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,651,778 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatesKat View Post
No you are not. I'm an old senior and have met people who are happier with their own company. I was married at one time to such a man. I have two female cousins who have no desire to socialize. When the older one retired about 5 yrs ago she seldom left her isolated house in the valley. She lived with her SO who was also a loner. They were perfectly happy.

Other than being loners they were not oddballs. They just lived a quiet rural life.
I've seen this since I moved into a large senior community. I meet many people who are friendly enough but are also very happy not joining in any social activities offered or in meeting new people. There are a couple of sisters on my floor who share an apartment and are content with one another's company. Maybe when one of them passes away, the other might reach out to neighbors for company but maybe not.

People who like being alone or alone for the most part are made to think they are not "normal" or there's something wrong with them. I don't think, unless there is really some sort of mental disorder involved, this is true at all. It's a shame though, when people go against their own grain trying to be what they are told is normal. Having Long lists of activities does not necessarily make someone less lonely, it just makes them busy.

I liked reading about how people here always wanted to be alone when they were kids. For the first eight years of my life my family of five lived in a three room apartment. I slept in the same bed with my older sister while my baby sister slept in a crib in the same room. My parents slept in a Murphy bed in the living room. One bathroom, of course.

After that we moved to larger apartments but I always had to share a bedroom with my younger sister while the older one had a bedroom of her own. I vowed when I grew up I would have a room of my own. Now I have three rooms all to myself. LOL!

I think that's why I would never have a roommate. I live alone if you don't count the cat and I love it.

Last edited by Minervah; 12-25-2016 at 12:35 PM..
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Old 12-25-2016, 11:55 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
12,764 posts, read 7,819,307 times
Reputation: 13083
Quote:
Originally Posted by jazzcat22 View Post
listening to rock/classical/jazz,
Oh, man! I haven't had a CD player in years and my daughter just gave me a Bose CD player today for Christmas! After the obligatory Christmas CD, I put on Miles Davis (Autumn Leaves) and then another Miles CD. Sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Had to have me some mmm mmm Miles! Heaven can wait! LOL

Sorry...off topic
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Old 12-25-2016, 11:56 AM
 
2,732 posts, read 720,256 times
Reputation: 7009
Quote:
Originally Posted by RememberMee View Post
Yup, people seek perfect fits for recreational and "networking" socializing, empty streets and month old undiscovered corpses are among the outcomes. If a person cannot find something to talk about with HS dropouts, he is not as "enlightened" as he imagines himself.
??????? Maybe I missed it (63 year old eyes!), but nowhere did I see in ER's post that he can't find something to talk about with HS dropouts. Didn't see him mention educational level at all. Let's be real---probably most high school dropouts don't have the same interests and spending ability as the most educated people, but education in and of itself doesn't guarantee compatibility. Not every college student can relate to every other college student. As for college grads, I don't see a big difference in vocabulary or reading material (many college students and graduates never read, especially for pleasure). College grads are watching the same reality TV as everyone else. I know two people who didn't vote in the Presidential election. One just had a high school diploma, the other a master's degree.

But let's be real again. No one expects or wants a perfect fit. I for one am not looking for a clone of myself. I decided not to have kids, but if I had I would have adopted, very likely someone who didn't look like me or even share my ethnicity/race. But if someone is just interested in NASCAR racing and sports and another person is interested in astrophysics and the symphony, they may have difficulty with conversation and finding things to do together...and it would be on both of them for not trying to find their common humanity...and for just being human. With time and energy being limited, it's natural and possibly even justified for like to seek (somewhat) like and spend time with people we most enjoy, whether for their intellect, conversational skills, warmth, etc.
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Old 12-25-2016, 12:02 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
12,764 posts, read 7,819,307 times
Reputation: 13083
Well, we loners would make perfect candidates for a trip to Mars (alone, of course)!

What say you? haha
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Old 12-25-2016, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,541 posts, read 17,525,434 times
Reputation: 27576
Quote:
Originally Posted by Escort Rider View Post
You have identified a genuine problem. So many people are incredibly superficial, banal, uneducated, and therefore uninteresting. Your concrete examples illustrate all that so well. If we have a few friends with whom we can talk about literature, history, etc., then we are lucky. I consider myself lucky.

Grandchildren, medical problems, that sort of thing - it just boggles the mind that so many are stuck on that level. It's pathetic. Exception: I am interested in hearing about the grandchildren of my cousins because I saw those grandchildren from time to time when they were growing up. They are people whom I know personally even if I don't know them well, and in addition they are my own flesh and blood.

Your excellent point can be further illustrated by the "chat"-like nature of so many posts here on City-Data. Why pepople enjoy posting (and why others enjoy reading) the most trivial, banal, mundane, and routine aspects of their daily lives is beyond me. Why would I care how many dogs someone saw on her daily walk this morning, or how many cups of coffee she had?

I would have been interested in your exposition of the tulip mania in Holland in the 1630's. This is the first I've heard of it. It seems to me you and I would enjoy conversing with each other.
I get your point and feel that way a lot too, but many people are so busy in their daily lives that, right or wrong, they don't branch out.
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Old 12-25-2016, 04:15 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
895 posts, read 541,987 times
Reputation: 2201
There is nothing wrong with enjoying your solitude and has ZERO to do with your education or if you attended higher education. All BS. There are some real crappy people out there who are unhappy and ticked off at the world so they go out of their way to attempt to make others feel like garbage. You get tired of it - you surround yourself with your true friends and that's it. My friends have all been professional people. I just will no longer put myself out there to get burned by these incredibly cruel people who have never experienced being a caregiver to their parents or have gone through some real tough times. There are people who have no empathy - only care about themselves. You don't have to have a lot of friends - that's overrated actually.

Here's the real world...There are people who are suffering - have terminal cancer or chronic illness - are taking care of their elderly parents - or are taking care of their adult kids who have serious brain injuries etc. They are doing it all and have chosen to live a quiet life which DOES NOT make them an oddball or anti-social. Life is stressful these days unfortunately.

If another person wishes to not engage - that's their business. You kind of get a glimpse into what people are like when you join these social networks etc. Some petty individuals out there... who need a swift kick in the rear. I actually love city-data and many on here are good people.

Merry Christmas! (grin)
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