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Old 12-27-2016, 10:17 AM
 
6,877 posts, read 7,276,074 times
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Quote:
They only want you there for your money so they can have what THEY want! Sounds totally self centered on their part, to even ASK you to move back!
To make that as a blanket declarative statement is just nonsensical and ill informed.

So what if they need a bit of help to make it happen?...that’s not the same as saying the ONLY reason they want mom to move back IS to make it happen.
They would need to buy a bigger place, or a place with an “in-law suite” if that’s the set up they prefer. Mom can move back closer and NOT live with them (if they all agree that’s best.

I will say that having some experience with a parent who needs care, I do know it’s more convenient for both if that parent is nearby. In this case mom doesn’t need care – and may never need “more help.”

And let me add that a parent who won’t move back shouldn’t complain (not that the OP has at all) IF as the parent gets older if the adult child can’t drop everything to drive or fly hundreds of miles, or take off work for a week at a time, because the older parent refused to move closer.

We have no idea about the internal dynamics of the OP’s family......she’s offered no details about the other child, or why it’s this son that has proposed the current option.
Perhaps, mom can stay in FLA longer and move north later – IF she agrees. I’ll just say you can’t expect an adult child in NH – to be able to provide the same oversight, care or even time-and-attention to a parent who’s in FLA.

The OP has options and all she's said so far is she's considering them...
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Old 12-28-2016, 11:47 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,088 posts, read 22,943,598 times
Reputation: 35213
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
NoMoreSnow, I went through this with my mother in the last years of her life in California, you need to research what you are saying here before you actually need it. You can get subsidized independent living if your income is below about $2k per month, but you will find that assisted living is generally not subsidized by the state and medi-cal does not pay for assisted living. Medi-cal will pay for the portion of nursing home care that medicare doesn't cover, but only if it is necessary post-release from an acute care hospital, and many nursing homes do not take medicare/medi-cal patients, especially if the care required is extensive.

MI-Roger is correct regarding the cost of AL in California, typically $3500-5000. If you are eligible for section 8, you could find an IL facility that takes section 8 subsidy and apply for IHSS (in-home support services) to assist with the ADL's. This was what we ended up doing with my mom. Often they have long waiting lists to get into subsidized places, but you can get bumped to the head of the list if you are "displaced" from your previous place due to increasing disability. I know this is hard to believe, but I've been through it and it's really hard to find a way to work it out

If you think they won't "throw you under a bridge", ask yourself why there are poor, old people living under bridges all over the state of California???
We all agree.

If you have resources, they will be used up first. When they are all gone, you'll get government aid.

Any old people living under bridges in CA are there of their own free will. You'd be surprised at how many social workers try to get homeless people to accept aid, only to be rejected. They refuse to go into hospitals or to accept help for housing, etc. This is one of the "rights" that the mentally ill and homeless have now - the right to refuse help and to remain homeless.

I think the thing that most people who have more money than me obsess about - is losing resources. That's what always gets mentioned - losing a home or a bank account or investments, etc. But, once those things are used up, the government will take care of you. And losing them doesn't mean you are a failure or a bad person because you couldn't leave any inheritance for your kids. It just means you paid your way as long as you could.

It's just perception. But, nobody in America is forced to be homeless. There are lots of resources. When I need in home health care or to be placed in assisted living because I have dementia, nobody is going to throw me out into the street. I will be taken care of. And so will you. It might not be anything fancy, but it will be acceptable. And there will be social workers to be sure nobody is abusing me. I'm just not worried about it, and I don't think anyone else should either.
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Old 12-29-2016, 01:05 AM
 
5,426 posts, read 3,446,805 times
Reputation: 13699
[quote=NoMoreSnowForMe;35228846]
NoMoreSnowforMe you wrote the following in 2014:
I went through something similar. Got on workers comp, then state disability and finally filed for Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI).

What I learned the hard way, and from a disability attorney after I'd filed for SSDI, is that I should have filed for SSDI right off the bat. Even if you are initially denied, the clock will tick from that initial filing date. It can take several years to get it.

So, file for SSDI. It will not affect your state disability at all. If you end up on SSDI, what happens is, they will pay the state for your state disability out of your SSDI backpay, or they just don't back pay you all the way back to your onset date, because you can't receive both state disability and SSDI. Forget exactly how that works, but you don't get to double dip, anyway.

Nothing will happen to you if you file the SSDI, and never use it. But, just in case you end up on it, the sooner you file, the better.

And FYI, most people are initially denied for SSDI. But, disability attorneys will handle the appeal. They don't normally help you until you have been denied, but you might want to talk to one to help you fill out the initial application. I did my initial application myself, was denied, then I hired an attorney and was approved.

my response as of today:

NoMoreSnowForMe, you stated the above in 2014 - that you were on Workers Comp, then state disability, and then finally Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI)

Not sure how it is in California, but I think 'being taken care of by the government' as you have been, and how you say you will be in the future in terms of the government providing 'assisted living' for you or accommodations and other provisions is different as a disabled person on SSDI versus someone not on SSDI, and what the government is willing to provide for each category.

And as one ages, I'm not sure how the older disabled person on SSDI versus the older person NOT on SSDI differ in terms of provisions provided by the government in terms of being housed i.e. apartment, skilled nursing facility, nursing home, assisted living, etc.

I am fairly certain - but others please correct - that the government never provides living in 'assisted living' facilities for older people not in the disabled (SSDI) category under government rules, even when elderly. My understanding is that most 'assisted living' facilities are of the costly, quite nice, expensive type which very few in the U.S. can afford.

And the government definitely does not use those very nice & expensive assisted living facilities for seniors who do not receive SSDI. How the government handles older people like yourself who are on SSDI, I do not know. I welcome being informed. (and corrected)

(some people mistakenly call nursing homes 'assisted living')

Last edited by matisse12; 12-29-2016 at 02:32 AM..
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Old 12-29-2016, 11:04 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,088 posts, read 22,943,598 times
Reputation: 35213
[quote=matisse12;46648453]
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
NoMoreSnowforMe you wrote the following in 2014:
I went through something similar. Got on workers comp, then state disability and finally filed for Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI).

What I learned the hard way, and from a disability attorney after I'd filed for SSDI, is that I should have filed for SSDI right off the bat. Even if you are initially denied, the clock will tick from that initial filing date. It can take several years to get it.

So, file for SSDI. It will not affect your state disability at all. If you end up on SSDI, what happens is, they will pay the state for your state disability out of your SSDI backpay, or they just don't back pay you all the way back to your onset date, because you can't receive both state disability and SSDI. Forget exactly how that works, but you don't get to double dip, anyway.

Nothing will happen to you if you file the SSDI, and never use it. But, just in case you end up on it, the sooner you file, the better.

And FYI, most people are initially denied for SSDI. But, disability attorneys will handle the appeal. They don't normally help you until you have been denied, but you might want to talk to one to help you fill out the initial application. I did my initial application myself, was denied, then I hired an attorney and was approved.

my response as of today:

NoMoreSnowForMe, you stated the above in 2014 - that you were on Workers Comp, then state disability, and then finally Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI)

Not sure how it is in California, but I think 'being taken care of by the government' as you have been, and how you say you will be in the future in terms of the government providing 'assisted living' for you or accommodations and other provisions is different as a disabled person on SSDI versus someone not on SSDI, and what the government is willing to provide for each category.

And as one ages, I'm not sure how the older disabled person on SSDI versus the older person NOT on SSDI differ in terms of provisions provided by the government in terms of being housed i.e. apartment, skilled nursing facility, nursing home, assisted living, etc.

I am fairly certain - but others please correct - that the government never provides living in 'assisted living' facilities for older people not in the disabled (SSDI) category under government rules, even when elderly. My understanding is that most 'assisted living' facilities are of the costly, quite nice, expensive type which very few in the U.S. can afford.

And the government definitely does not use those very nice & expensive assisted living facilities for seniors who do not receive SSDI. How the government handles older people like yourself who are on SSDI, I do not know. I welcome being informed. (and corrected)

(some people mistakenly call nursing homes 'assisted living')
How utterly creepy and stalkish of you to spend all of that time going back through my posts for years upon years.

And nothing you found changes anything I've said.

Let's turn this around. How about you spend as much time finding verifiable proof that seniors in our country who run out of funds, will have no resources when they need assisted living or in-home health care, and therefore, are turned out into the streets to fend for themselves after diagnosed with full-blown dementia.
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Old 12-29-2016, 11:28 PM
 
5,426 posts, read 3,446,805 times
Reputation: 13699
No, I remembered that you recently said you are on SSDI disability....

but it took me only 3 seconds to find the 2014 part you wrote about SSDI. I'm a researcher by profession and know how to do research quickly & efficiently. I didn't spend any time at all.

(also City-Data Forums has quite an excellent search mechanism of back posts - one just needs to search by keyword & category -no need to tediously go back through posts without using the specialized search mechanisms provided)

My point was to ask whether people on SSDI are treated differently by the government from others not on SSDI housing-wise and when housing or a skilled facility or nursing home or assisted living facility is needed as an older person - and whether older people on SSDI disability versus older people on regular Social Security have various housing (whether skilled facility or assisted living or nursing home) needs fulfilled & provided differently by the government -

since you stated twice that no one in the U.S. should worry about being cared for in their older years since when 'assisted living' is needed as an older person the government will take care of everyone.

Last edited by matisse12; 12-30-2016 at 12:12 AM..
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Old 12-30-2016, 10:06 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,971,705 times
Reputation: 15649
"The government" (i.e., Medicaid) will "take care of one" by picking up the tab for nursing home costs after that person has spent down to $2000 or under, in all assets. There are exceptions involving a "community spouse," the one not in the nursing home, but if if one single, that is the Medicaid setup. This would likely be a double room in a nursing home, not assisted living. Assisted living is on a continuum in CCRC, Continuing Care Retirement Community. The residential unit typically starts out with independent living and progresses to assisted and then full blown nursing care. I don''t know about other areas of the country, but in the Northeast there is a "buy-in" amount for the residence and services, typically elders sell their home to obtain that buy-in amount, which can easily be several hundred K.

Medicaid, unfortunately, is a prime target in the new administration.
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Old 01-01-2017, 04:38 PM
 
26,085 posts, read 28,490,143 times
Reputation: 24797
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
I'm on California's version of Medicaid. When I can't take care of myself, do you think the'll just throw me under a bridge? Nope. I'll be taken care of.

As would you, if you ran out of resources.
The problem with that is you are taken care of by the state's terms and conditions...and it's not always so good--but too bad if you don't like it. I've seen some pretty icky nursing homes.
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Old 01-03-2017, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,779 posts, read 4,830,089 times
Reputation: 19395
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverBird View Post
"The government" (i.e., Medicaid) will "take care of one" by picking up the tab for nursing home costs after that person has spent down to $2000 or under, in all assets. There are exceptions involving a "community spouse," the one not in the nursing home, but if if one single, that is the Medicaid setup. This would likely be a double room in a nursing home, not assisted living. Assisted living is on a continuum in CCRC, Continuing Care Retirement Community. The residential unit typically starts out with independent living and progresses to assisted and then full blown nursing care. I don''t know about other areas of the country, but in the Northeast there is a "buy-in" amount for the residence and services, typically elders sell their home to obtain that buy-in amount, which can easily be several hundred K.

Medicaid, unfortunately, is a prime target in the new administration.

Correct Riverbird.
There are subsidized apartments for independent living (IL) through the Section 8 program, and there are nursing homes (SNF) that take medicare/ medi-cal (Calif version of medicaid), although in order to be eligible you must be leaving an acute care hospital after at least a 3-day in-patient stay, and the doctor must certify that you require SN care. If you live in a subsidized Independent Living facility or at home, there is In-Home Support Services (IHSS), although I don't know for how much longer as it seems it's always on the list to cut. IHSS will pay the salary for a worker in your home or apartment for a specified number of hours per week based upon your level of disability. My mom, who was in a wheelchair with numerous disabilities, was eligible for about 8 hours per week of assistance.

Don't want to argue with you NoMoreSnow, but I've been all down this road with my mom, and you are mis-informed. Medicare/Medi-Cal does not cover AL. You may get a Medi-Cal AL waiver, but only IF you otherwise qualify for SNF care under Medicare rules, then an AL waiver can be given, in some instances, because care in the AL is cheaper for the gov't than SNF care.

Here's the Medicare rules for SNF qualification. https://www.medicare.gov/coverage/sk...lity-care.html
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Old 01-03-2017, 12:59 PM
 
4,741 posts, read 4,022,469 times
Reputation: 9928
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamasplace View Post
After becoming a widow a little over two years ago, I have moved away from both my children and enjoyed it LOL. My adventures have been great but I have begun to develop several health issues which are causing me to reassess my location and support system. I am alone here in the south and starting to really feel it. And then, there is that "not getting any younger" voice in my head.

Recently, my son has been talking of having me move back to his area. He and his wife plan to buy a house up north (first time homebuyers) and would like to include me in their plans. That would involve either a 2 family house, one with an in-law space or something else. Not sure what other options there are to have me on their property in NH while affording us all the privacy we need and the "just in case".

Anyway, it's a lot to think about and I am leaning towards yes. We have yet to discuss financial things with regard to the living arrangements. I have many questions of course but am writing them down to discuss at an upcoming conversation.

- do they need me to help with a downpayment to make this happen? Yes, I can afford it and would consider it an investment.
- or do I just pay my "rent" and utilities etc?

I honestly don't see them being financially able to do this without some type of financial help from me, but I am not sure what/how much is reasonable expect?

I would like to have at least some idea before I ask my questions so I can decide ahead of time what I am comfortable with etc.

I appreciate input please! Many thanks.

If I were you, I'd sit tight in the warmer climate. You will have much better quality of life in a place whete you can get out year round. Plus most areas are geared for seniors.

The others with questions about your son's financial picture & job security are really important. If he can not finance this and maintain it, it would be foolhardy for you to financially intermingle your funds. At your stage in life you can not survive financial risk gone wrong. Keep your own place in the South. Treat this as a strictly business decision because it is.
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Old 01-03-2017, 06:28 PM
 
29,775 posts, read 34,860,277 times
Reputation: 11701
Food for thought. We have two sons and their families. One live 40ish minutes away and the other is about 5 hours away or more. Over the two days of Christmas celebration we were with the local son and family both days. We got into an article about aging and what the wife and I would be like. Our son commented on what he would worry about with each of us and his wife chimed in also. Her family had a history of other family members taking in and providing for elderly family members. Our son had a handle on what he thought a developmental decline would be like for the wife and I and how they would differ. he already had a mindset of what to look for in each of us.

They know we are planning on a CCRC and are supportive of that. They would probably like us to pick one close to them and we still might. However the plan now is about 2 1/2 hours away. For the independent living part that is fine for the possibility of nursing home not as cool. At any rate their wanting us to be close to them is one on practicality and being able to monitor us as we decline. Fortunately the CCRC would also do that.
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