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Old 12-24-2016, 07:02 AM
 
753 posts, read 706,819 times
Reputation: 1175

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After becoming a widow a little over two years ago, I have moved away from both my children and enjoyed it LOL. My adventures have been great but I have begun to develop several health issues which are causing me to reassess my location and support system. I am alone here in the south and starting to really feel it. And then, there is that "not getting any younger" voice in my head.

Recently, my son has been talking of having me move back to his area. He and his wife plan to buy a house up north (first time homebuyers) and would like to include me in their plans. That would involve either a 2 family house, one with an in-law space or something else. Not sure what other options there are to have me on their property in NH while affording us all the privacy we need and the "just in case".

Anyway, it's a lot to think about and I am leaning towards yes. We have yet to discuss financial things with regard to the living arrangements. I have many questions of course but am writing them down to discuss at an upcoming conversation.

- do they need me to help with a downpayment to make this happen? Yes, I can afford it and would consider it an investment.
- or do I just pay my "rent" and utilities etc?

I honestly don't see them being financially able to do this without some type of financial help from me, but I am not sure what/how much is reasonable expect?

I would like to have at least some idea before I ask my questions so I can decide ahead of time what I am comfortable with etc.

I appreciate input please! Many thanks.
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Old 12-24-2016, 07:32 AM
 
4,484 posts, read 4,746,514 times
Reputation: 9942
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamasplace View Post
After becoming a widow a little over two years ago, I have moved away from both my children and enjoyed it LOL. My adventures have been great but I have begun to develop several health issues which are causing me to reassess my location and support system. I am alone here in the south and starting to really feel it. And then, there is that "not getting any younger" voice in my head.

Recently, my son has been talking of having me move back to his area. He and his wife plan to buy a house up north (first time homebuyers) and would like to include me in their plans. That would involve either a 2 family house, one with an in-law space or something else. Not sure what other options there are to have me on their property in NH while affording us all the privacy we need and the "just in case".

Anyway, it's a lot to think about and I am leaning towards yes. We have yet to discuss financial things with regard to the living arrangements. I have many questions of course but am writing them down to discuss at an upcoming conversation.

- do they need me to help with a downpayment to make this happen? Yes, I can afford it and would consider it an investment.
- or do I just pay my "rent" and utilities etc?

I honestly don't see them being financially able to do this without some type of financial help from me, but I am not sure what/how much is reasonable expect?

I would like to have at least some idea before I ask my questions so I can decide ahead of time what I am comfortable with etc.

I appreciate input please! Many thanks.





Could they be asking you, to include you, because they need your help financially?
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Old 12-24-2016, 07:34 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,985,208 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamasplace View Post
After becoming a widow a little over two years ago, I have moved away from both my children and enjoyed it LOL. My adventures have been great but I have begun to develop several health issues which are causing me to reassess my location and support system. I am alone here in the south and starting to really feel it. And then, there is that "not getting any younger" voice in my head.

Recently, my son has been talking of having me move back to his area. He and his wife plan to buy a house up north (first time homebuyers) and would like to include me in their plans. That would involve either a 2 family house, one with an in-law space or something else. Not sure what other options there are to have me on their property in NH while affording us all the privacy we need and the "just in case".

Anyway, it's a lot to think about and I am leaning towards yes. We have yet to discuss financial things with regard to the living arrangements. I have many questions of course but am writing them down to discuss at an upcoming conversation.

- do they need me to help with a downpayment to make this happen? Yes, I can afford it and would consider it an investment.
- or do I just pay my "rent" and utilities etc?

I honestly don't see them being financially able to do this without some type of financial help from me, but I am not sure what/how much is reasonable expect?

I would like to have at least some idea before I ask my questions so I can decide ahead of time what I am comfortable with etc.

I appreciate input please! Many thanks.
How stable jobwise/financially is your son and DIL? Might they have to move some day for work? What are the implications there? Would you be stuck with the house/mortgage?

Do they have kids or plan to? Do they expect you to be the live-in caretaker of the kids? Would you get pulled into that even if they say no now?

What is the senior support system in this city/town? Medical and transport, etc?

How do you judge your ability to make friends so you're not dependent on son & wife?

Finally, I would say maybe pay a small portion of the down payment (the lender will want to know where the DP came from, though) and then pay rent. Under no circumstances would I be joint owner/name on deed, for obvious reasons.

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Old 12-24-2016, 08:21 AM
 
Location: Central Mexico and Central Florida
7,108 posts, read 3,466,693 times
Reputation: 10184
OP mentions "both of my children." I would hesitate about any large financial aid or even a financial 'arrangement' to one sibling over another, especially late in life. If you choose to help one child with a down payment on a house, imagine how the other son/daughter may feel.

I mention this as we just settled my FIL's estate and past financial aid to one sibling was a major bone of contention raised by other siblings.
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Old 12-24-2016, 08:33 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,788 posts, read 4,843,885 times
Reputation: 19484
^^^^all good questions^^^^^

Also, if it doesn't work out for you, how comfortable will you be leaving them? Will they be able to afford it without you? Or will it leave them in a lurch? If so, you don't want to be the bad guy who a) enabled them to buy a home, and then b) took it all away from them when you left.

We had my MIL live with us for a couple years, but she felt too isolated because she could no longer drive and was dependent on us for all transportation and entertainment. She didn't want to do things we wanted to, but other than go to mass and the grocery store, she had no other ideas for her own amusement. Eventually she requested us to move her to independent living so she would be with peers everyday. Fortunately we weren't dependent on her income in any way, but we were fortunate she spoke up when she did because we were about to buy a larger home specifically to make her more comfortable.

If I were you, I would only agree to rent a place with them for a while, as a trial, before committing to live with them long term and become financially entangled.
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Old 12-24-2016, 08:34 AM
 
6,323 posts, read 5,064,142 times
Reputation: 12848
I also say rent from them. If you want to leave and move elsewhere, they can rent out the space to someone else.
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Old 12-24-2016, 12:00 PM
 
5,397 posts, read 6,540,598 times
Reputation: 10472
Separate apartment of some sort. Rent. Hopefully with a little distance

Also I like having my own life...but inevitable time will come when that is too much
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Old 12-24-2016, 12:21 PM
 
662 posts, read 479,310 times
Reputation: 1690
I would advise not getting financially entangled, including NOT helping with the down payment. You can pay rent, and they (I think) can show that as a portion of their income for buying power.

I got myself into a fix regarding real estate and the kids, and while I don't want to go into it, I do strongly suggest that you don't mesh your fixed financial situation with theirs (which can change in a heartbeat).
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Old 12-24-2016, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,689 posts, read 4,725,286 times
Reputation: 28161
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
If I were you, I would only agree to rent a place with them for a while, as a trial, before committing to live with them long term and become financially entangled.
Agree wholeheartedly. There's no way to envision all the potential issues ahead of time unless you do it on a trial basis.
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Old 12-24-2016, 12:25 PM
 
Location: San Diego
230 posts, read 121,212 times
Reputation: 323
I would recommend a co-ownership if you are paying out on the down payment or not at all.
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