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Old 01-05-2017, 04:58 AM
Location: Central Mexico and Central Florida
7,095 posts, read 3,456,394 times
Reputation: 10153


The OP's first post said she wished the husband would just go away for 10 years. Doesn't sound like there's much of a relationship worth saving.

Sounds like she's just too busy to deal with a divorce at this point in her life. She's just delaying the inevitable.

What she doesn't realize is that she's not getting any younger; these years should be the BEST they can be. And that doesn't include worrying about her louse of a husband.

In her last post she said her last pay raise made her equal in income to what her husband makes via retirement....maybe she's willing to put up with this crap from him for the $$$
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Old 01-05-2017, 07:10 AM
30,065 posts, read 47,312,423 times
Reputation: 16009
In reply to the initial post--

We had/have good friends where the husband was older than the wife...he had very good job with American Airlines and while he was not retirement age but close, he was offered a package to retire early when American was retrenching in late 90s/ early 2000s...
he took it...said he didn't think he would get a better offer later and there was always chance he could have been cut loose the next year w/o any incentives...
His mother who was close to 90 was living with them and in bad health so it would give him more time to watch over her as well...
His wife was teacher, loved her job, and didn't want to retire....
So he became the house-husband...
Very methodical man---took over shopping for groceries and while they had a cleaner every other week he also did more household chores...

For them it seemed to work out ok---he took up golf with some of his AA buddies that were retired at same time he was...he had had a varied work schedule before so their time schedules were more synced...
He was home on weekends and didn't have to work on holidays like he had before...
His mother passes away within a year after he retired but at least he knew he was there for her...

For them, because they had a strong marriage to start with, and he always had something to do it was not a bad transition...

So much of the time it is all about the relationship between the husband/wife...and their temperaments
Some people would go stir crazy and destroy their marriages I imagine...
With some people it is a dance and they adapt to new steps...
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Old 01-11-2017, 08:04 AM
Location: So Ca
15,759 posts, read 14,998,967 times
Reputation: 13671
Originally Posted by dothetwist View Post
The OP's first post said she wished the husband would just go away for 10 years. Doesn't sound like there's much of a relationship worth saving.
I think that would be a normal reaction after a spouse's infidelity.

I have a sibling and two friends who have gone through the above, although not with one partner facing retirement. All three were in counseling, and were able to save their marriages. For one, it was particularly difficult. It depends on so much. I would also worry what my spouse was doing with so much time on his hands, so, for the OP, I hope that your husband is able to go with you to counseling.
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Old 01-12-2017, 08:54 AM
Location: Atlanta
5,628 posts, read 4,221,188 times
Reputation: 4582
I suspect we will be in a similar situation (minus the infidelity) real soon. I am anxious to retire... sooner rather than later. My wife is 7 years younger and has no interest in retiring. She has a job she loves and has been moving up the chain for the past 10 years.. she is very motivated and highly successful at her job. At one time i was motivated and striving to advance my career but 20 or so years in the corporate world soured me and for the last 10 or so I have been on cruise control. My wife used to make snide remarks about my career path, how I have plateaued. It was really bad when she passed me in the income department. By then i could have cared less about making more money but she thought i should and if not with my current employer, i should be looking for a new job. Eventually this stopped and she accepted the fact that I was no longer motivated to improve my standing with my current employer or any other employer.. i was set on biding my time until i retired. She is now the bread winner and i think she gets a bit of a ego boost from that.. not sure.

Anyhoots, she knows my intentions are to retire some 10 years before she does, if not longer.. I think the fact that she sees this coming in advance helps her adjust some to it.. She might draw a clear line at the time between her money and mine but to honest, i don't really care... i don't need the things she needs/wants.. i am fairly content with the (less than) finer things in life... I have a lot of spare time now as I work from home so things probably wont change that much unless i do some traveling. She travels a lot now with her job so i don't see her very concerned if i do some solo traveling as well.
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Old 01-12-2017, 10:19 AM
587 posts, read 293,421 times
Reputation: 877
My mom had a great line when dad retired:

"Now I get twice the husband but 1/2 of the income!"
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Old 01-13-2017, 08:12 PM
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,729,443 times
Reputation: 32304
Originally Posted by LHS79 View Post
My mom had a great line when dad retired:

"Now I get twice the husband but 1/2 of the income!"

Doesn't that imply that having twice the husband is undesirable? I hope your mother was just being humorous - otherwise I would say the marriage was not a good one.
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Old 01-15-2017, 03:06 PM
Status: "Be yourself. What's the alternative?" (set 16 days ago)
8,675 posts, read 10,833,943 times
Reputation: 12722
Poor choices at that age? Oh no. If it's done in your 20's or 30's, I can stretch my imagination to understand perhaps, but after that it's more than poor choices. It's a poor choice to stay in that marriage. I know harder done than said, financial issues for people staying maybe and emotional needs, but, wow, I don't know if I could take that one personally! Empathy to the poster. Send him to counseling, that'll keep him busy for a while.
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