U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-08-2017, 07:20 AM
 
Location: City of the Angels
2,222 posts, read 1,669,421 times
Reputation: 5376

Advertisements

When I was younger, I used to worry about what everyone was thinking about me but as I got older and matured, I discovered that they weren't thinking about me at all.
It's not all about me.


I truly believe in that old saying that people will be as happy as they let themselves be.


I've always remembered that old poem,


Two men in prison
looking through bars
one saw mud
the other saw stars.


We make our own prisons and we create our own freedoms.
The choice is up to you and if you are going to sacrifice what it takes to get there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-08-2017, 07:47 AM
 
3,145 posts, read 1,734,316 times
Reputation: 3520
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeterPan666 View Post
I suffer from feelings of inadequacy, boredom and frustration.

Admitting that I am indeed inadequate at somethings, while improving on what i can helps
Detaching my self from my ambitions and desires helps a lot
Deciding to not care about things i have no power over helped a lot

But none of these are "fo sho" cures. The feelings/desires still exist, and probably always will.

There seems to be no cure to my boredom, i feel like i have no meaningful purpose, or none at all
Detaching myself from my success keeps me centered when things don't come together. Sense of detachment seems key to happiness , not just contentment .
when my kids grew up and changed as they must I truly lost a sense of purpose. Also when I got laid off, which was a shock. Getting into an activity that totally consumed me helped. I worked every day in putting down a brick border in the garden. Letting go of defining myself in anyway helped and gave me a sense of freedom. On the other hand I also defined myself in new ways to center myself.
It is a fine balance!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2017, 08:06 AM
 
3,145 posts, read 1,734,316 times
Reputation: 3520
Quote:
Originally Posted by oldwoman View Post
From what I have read about the subject, happiness (the general positive or negative feelings a person experiences) is largely genetic. Extroverted people tend to experience more positive feelings than others and neurotic people tend to experience more negative feelings.

That said, we do have some control over how neurotic we are. I found that 'positive thinking' helped me to become more neutral/content in my thoughts and feelings.
Is neurotic the opposite of extrovert? Isn't that an introvert? The main difference I see between the two is need for people and need for solitude. I am not sure either one is inherently free of feelings of sadness, sense of lack of purpose, and brooding over the past.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2017, 08:55 AM
 
29,409 posts, read 26,365,268 times
Reputation: 10291
Yes, I'd say there's an element of choice. And some are better at it than others.

But there are also real circumstances that impact our lives and that can't be denied. Let's say you lost a major element of your physical or mental abilities, or your freedom or the things that give you security. Could you choose to still be happy? Yes, some people can and do, but most people would struggle with such circumstances and try to avoid them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2017, 09:11 AM
 
10,391 posts, read 9,401,122 times
Reputation: 16010
To me, happiness is the result of an occasion/event.

However, being contented is the state of mind/emotion resulting from the acceptances of yourself, your situation, your lifestyle, and utilitzing the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

I am content.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2017, 09:19 AM
 
Location: Central IL
15,253 posts, read 8,560,668 times
Reputation: 35693
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vision67 View Post
That's pretty much it. Happiness is inherited. It has nothing to do with wealth.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM
This song is just INFECTIOUS - I love it! I'm not a happy person....but this song helps a lot and gives me a bit of hope.

There's been at least one study showing that depressed people have a more accurate view of their circumstances...and I am plagued by depression. So much so that I really fight the "fat dumb and happy" view of life. Sometimes happiness feels delusional to me. It's a tough thing to get my head around - I can be happy for a few moments at a time but I seldom recall in my lifetime being happy for even hours much less days at a time. I seem much more prone to being "objective" which is often a downer!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2017, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,431 posts, read 7,942,539 times
Reputation: 53556
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverBird View Post
Detach.

That does not have to mean not caring about others' misfortunes.

Detach But I'm missing your point about that it doesn't have to mean about not caring about others misfortunes

I still don't think happiness is a choice. Yes we all want to be happy and who wouldn't chose it if we could? Life has a way of derailing happiness. Yes you can choose a pathway that will take you back to happiness, sadness is as big a factor. You have no choice but to go through rough patches and hard times. Happiness evaporates rather you want it to or not.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2017, 10:35 AM
 
249 posts, read 197,501 times
Reputation: 492
Interesting thread, the replies show our personal history and choices. I believe our goal should be contentment, as happiness is fleeting, but I understand the words are used interchangeably.

Post 3 mentioned a Bible verse, here is more of it (Philippians 4)

6 Donít worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience Godís peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. 9 Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from meóeverything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.


This is a good life message whether or not one believes, read the Bible



We do make a choice about what experiences who choose to dwell on. Everyone of us has bad experiences, hurts, pain, this is part of life, dwelling on these, reliving the pain is our choice.



Contentment is peace in our present situation, it has nothing to do with ones aspirations, future plans or goals. One can and should have both in their life.



I spend time each week with incarcerated people, some doing short time, some with long sentences, contentment in all circumstances is a common subject we talk about.



Much of our personal unhappiness is our fault, not someone elses.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2017, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,431 posts, read 7,942,539 times
Reputation: 53556
Quote:
Originally Posted by KeraKera View Post
Fake it till you make it

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-08-2017, 10:40 AM
 
3,145 posts, read 1,734,316 times
Reputation: 3520
Quote:
Originally Posted by arjay57 View Post
Yes, I'd say there's an element of choice. And some are better at it than others.

But there are also real circumstances that impact our lives and that can't be denied. Let's say you lost a major element of your physical or mental abilities, or your freedom or the things that give you security. Could you choose to still be happy? Yes, some people can and do, but most people would struggle with such circumstances and try to avoid them.
The some who do I think bring a whole different attitude to their condition and are able to accept that as the altered state they are in. Yet, there is an internal self that does not change which is what emerges in such people to keep them positive and smiling.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top