U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-09-2017, 01:59 AM
 
Location: Planet Woof
3,139 posts, read 3,521,194 times
Reputation: 9889

Advertisements

I think that happiness is mostly a choice. But there are events that can affect our ability to feel happiness inside at different points in our life.
Once we know what we need in life to be content and at peace and we can attain those, happiness usually follows.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-09-2017, 05:30 AM
 
2,484 posts, read 2,116,066 times
Reputation: 3643
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Happiness is part luck, part fate, part hard work, part chemical make up and part genetic.
Yes.
Though I would say luck and fate can be viewed as one and the same, hard work=action, and the chemical make up=genetics.
Each comes into play but I think the genetics/chemical portion is the key. Whatever you are prewired to feel or view can be "adjusted" by deliberate action (whether that is taking a pill, physical activity, conscious thoughts etc).
As we have all agreed, some people see the world with rose colored lenses and some do not.
What one person finds a minor inconvenience or challenge, another person would find totally unbearable. I watched that TED talk suggested before and it was very worth watching.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2017, 07:07 AM
 
Location: S.W. Florida
2,234 posts, read 944,829 times
Reputation: 6279
Quote:
Originally Posted by cb2008 View Post
I don't know if this should be in the Psych forum but I would like to post this here because I think age gives us a certain perspective that is more interesting to me. We have more to look back on as well as years yet to live which is informed by our experience in the past.

I think we can all agree happiness is fleeting. We may be elated about an upcoming vacation, have a great time, return and our happiness index falls back in place in time until the next something happens. Maybe we all live on a small bubble of happiness every day which takes us through our daily like.

But do we make a conscious choice to be happy, think happy thoughts?

What about when there is strife? Your daughter blames you for a bad childhood, your parenting skills when you did the best you knew how?
What about when a friend suddenly stops being a friend and simple leaves your life?
And what about, and this is really the worst of all, when you are haunted by doubt and guilt that maybe you did do some bad parenting back then, maybe you offended your friend, or maybe you think of your Mom and how you failed her for some reason?

Guilt and regret, the worst feelings that can deflate that bubble of happiness leaving you wide awake at night. How do you choose happiness then?

What do you think?
I believe happiness is a choice. I also believe being grouchy is a choice. Outside of situations that are thrust upon us that we have no control over,life is pretty much what we make it out to be. So yes, personal choice plays a big part in it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2017, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,453 posts, read 7,961,842 times
Reputation: 53620
Quote:
Originally Posted by cb2008 View Post
I think of detachment not as being detached from the world and the suffering, but in doing one's part in helping those who need help is doing it as part of your karma! A duty that you owe not only to others but to yourself.

I agree happiness is an inadequate word to describe a feeling of wholeness which is what we seek, or should be.

Got ya. Yes there are a lot of empty people in the world and then there are givers who give and give and get kicked in the teeth for it. Talk about a buzz kill. Nothing kills happiness faster then an ungrateful friend who totally deserts you in your time of need. That's not a choice, that's a circumstance. It's very difficult to choose to be happy during trying times.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2017, 08:41 AM
 
3,154 posts, read 1,740,380 times
Reputation: 3541
Quote:
Originally Posted by animalcrazy View Post
Got ya. Yes there are a lot of empty people in the world and then there are givers who give and give and get kicked in the teeth for it. Talk about a buzz kill. Nothing kills happiness faster then an ungrateful friend who totally deserts you in your time of need. That's not a choice, that's a circumstance. It's very difficult to choose to be happy during trying times.
The idea is to give with no expectations of a return. The expectation is attachment to the outcome. If you are detached there is no disappointment
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2017, 09:53 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,833 posts, read 4,874,513 times
Reputation: 19626
Quote:
Originally Posted by animalcrazy View Post
Got ya. Yes there are a lot of empty people in the world and then there are givers who give and give and get kicked in the teeth for it. Talk about a buzz kill. Nothing kills happiness faster then an ungrateful friend who totally deserts you in your time of need. That's not a choice, that's a circumstance. It's very difficult to choose to be happy during trying times.
It wasn't your choice to have your friend "desert you" on your birthday, but it is your choice to view a particular day on a calendar as the measure of your friendship. You place significance on a birthday ending in a zero (or whatever made it significant to you), obviously your friend doesn't. I know I don't, many others don't. Can't you just have your birthday celebration on any other day? We do it all the time. We have Thanksgiving on Saturday, or Friday, or we have 2, or none, if that fits the schedule better. You choose to be a generous friend, but you also need to choose to ask for what YOU need. Or just go and get it. If you really want to go on that fishing trip, plan a new fishing trip and invite on it whomever you please. Don't rely on your friend to make you happy. Take the responsibility to make yourself happy.

I think I was born happy. All my baby pictures show me smiling like crazy. That doesn't mean I've never cried. I've lost incredible people who were closer to me than anyone in the world (mom & sis). I've been deserted by men I loved. I grew up poor, I've been penniless in my adult life. I was served divorce papers on my 10th anniversary. In the end, none of that killed me. None of it even kept me down for long. I ruminate, but it's always with the outcome that, in the end, no amount of feeling bad is going to change one iota of what is. It's like crying, it helps to let out the pain, anger and frustration, but it changes nothing. After a few good minutes of tears, it starts to feel pointless. I inevitably come back around to my mantra. Everything is going to be okay. That's it. Nothing magical, just the knowledge deep inside me that everything is going to be okay.

For me, nothing beats time in nature to rid myself of anger and frustration. I bathe in the beauty of the life and the cycles of the earth. I take in the enormity of it all and the tiniest of details, a leaf, an icicle, a bird looking for food. I become aware of how little any of what I might be stressing over really means in the greater context of life on earth. My problems look silly to me when placed in the context of what others are experiencing...war, famine, loss of a home to natural disaster. And even with all those negative things....the world keeps turning and the seasons change and life goes on. And it's a beautiful day.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2017, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Planet Woof
3,139 posts, read 3,521,194 times
Reputation: 9889
Beautiful post...above
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2017, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,701 posts, read 3,270,563 times
Reputation: 12067
TheShadow: Enjoyed reading your post #86.

I think all of us have had disappointment, sadness, anger, etc. in our lives and I think it is normal to feel whatever for that moment. But it has been my own experience to choose to go on with my own life and find ways to feel happy again. I've been through some tough times, as a lot of others have, but if I stayed in those negative feelings most of the time, I probably would be dead at this point.

I prefer to think positively. The negative stuff teaches us. We learn from them. But we don't have to take them on as our forever persona.

I have had friends refuse me when I've needed help. A ride to the doctor for after surgical followup. I've been disappointed, angry with that friend, but eventually I realized their refusal had nothing to do with me.

Just my point of view.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2017, 04:22 PM
 
676 posts, read 336,924 times
Reputation: 1221
If happiness is a choice, then why don't we all choose it? Or at the very least....most of us? I know some people seem to 'enjoy' being miserable, but they really don't 'enjoy' it since that would mean they were 'happy'.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-09-2017, 05:29 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,414 posts, read 6,417,350 times
Reputation: 10002
It is a choice for some and not a choice for some. The rest is a combination of both. I think that answer covers all cases.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top