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Old 01-14-2017, 09:13 PM
Location: too far from the sea
19,825 posts, read 18,832,665 times
Reputation: 33722


Originally Posted by sfcambridge View Post
Sometimes men drive me crazy. Well.... most of the time.

Is it worth asking your son to call tomorrow to "say hi", and then urge him to see the doctor? Can you invite one of his buddies over tomorrow.... ask them to "drop by" and see if they can encourage him to be seen? Do these without telling your husband...

If his knee is swollen, and that painful suddenly, it is possible there is an infection there. I would be concerned if it was red/warm to the touch. Pain alone should not make you loose your appetite all day.

Explain to him that this could be an infection, and if so, he will need antibiotics and if he doesn't get them.... the infection will go into his blood and he could get critically ill. It also could be gout.... or it could be arthritis slowly worsening over the years that he just never complained about until the pain got so bad....

I would look online to the closest urgent care near you. Going early Sunday morning is a great time to beat the crowds, if you find one. Worst case scenario, you can see one of the nurses at the tiny walk in clinics at Walgreens etc.. They can at least let you know if it seems infected, give recommendations how to deal with the pain (ice is great... a bag of frozen peas etc..) and he would probably get more relief with anti-inflammatory medicines (eg. ibuprofen, aleve) than Tylenol.

And on Monday, you take him to see your primary care doctor, if possible.

It makes me sad when I hear of these older men who refuse to go to the doctor. A lot of them wind up having silent high blood pressure and silent high cholesterol. So of course, you "feel fine" because you can't feel when your blood pressure is high. Genetics and being a guy means most men will have this by the time they reach your husband's age. And by refusing to go to the doctor and getting it checked/treated early, they leave themselves open to having a heart attack or stroke instead.

Good luck.
It's HIS son. And he lives in England. I was thinking of messaging them tonight (my time) and asking if they will give him a call. But it might backfire. He might get mad at me for going behind his back. But I could just pretend that I had casually mentioned that he wasn't feeling well and not say that I asked them to call.

His friend down the street is away for the winter. He has another friend at the dog grooming place I could talk to but not until next week. We have a very dear mutual friend in the next state--that might be an idea.

I googled urgent care and we do have a walk-in clinic in the next town. IF I could get him to go. Too bad our drug store doesn't have one--he is good buddies with them in there and they like him so much they even asked if he'd like to work there! I might have been able to get him to go to that drug store.

He threw the packet of frozen vegetables off twice!!! But I just checked and he seems slightly better. Started talking! Made me sit next to where he is lying on the bed. Drank 1/2 cup of cocoa.

Actually, you reminded me of something when you mentioned the lost appetite: for the last few weeks he's been complaining that food is making him sick. And I keep telling him he needs to see the doctor. I wonder if there's any connection.

Yes, this is worrisome. My mother wouldn't go to doctors either but I knew how to get around it. This man has me baffled.
my posts as moderator will be in red. Moderator: Health&Wellness~Genealogy. The Rules--read here>>> TOS. If someone attacks you, do not reply. Hit REPORT.

Old 01-14-2017, 09:28 PM
Location: too far from the sea
19,825 posts, read 18,832,665 times
Reputation: 33722
Well, he's suddenly improved but I am still going to get him to a doctor asap.

He yelled for me to come in--turned out there was a song on the radio and he had to tell me all about the time he met Roy Orbison and got his autograph, and on and on. He's his regular blabbermouth self and he says he even hobbled into the bathroom. He wants me to come right back--he's made room for me!

So I'll go now. It's the middle of the night here but before I go I will send a message to his son in England and get the ball rolling on that.

Thank you, everyone, for the help and suggestions on here and for the kind rep comments too.
my posts as moderator will be in red. Moderator: Health&Wellness~Genealogy. The Rules--read here>>> TOS. If someone attacks you, do not reply. Hit REPORT.
Old 01-14-2017, 09:29 PM
Location: Consciousness
659 posts, read 968,269 times
Reputation: 835
is there a doc in your city that makes house calls?
Old 01-14-2017, 10:26 PM
Location: Fresno, CA
1,071 posts, read 1,057,438 times
Reputation: 1980
If he still won't agree to go see a dr., most health care plans have an advice nurse. If his does, call and explain what is going on. Describe what his knee looks like including any discoloration along with the swelling/pain and loss of appetite. (Is he running any temp? If you can check his pulse/b.p. that is good info too.) The nurse may give you an idea of what may be happening medically and what the consequences may be if he isn't treated. You can use the "voice of authority" to get his attention if it sounds like he is making things worse by prolonging being seen.

If his (or your)plan has no advice nurse, call his doctor's office. Explain and ask what you can do. Do they know anyone that can drop by and check him either from their office or elsewhere? Maybe a public health nurse. Again that "voice of authority" may carry more weight than wife, family or friends.

A couple of times I had to go to a dr., after a bad case of flu, to get a note after more than 3 days off work. Both times, my dr. said, "You should have come in to see me." I said "I was too sick to come in and see you." He thought that wasn't a good excuse. Then, I came in for a routine visit and he told me how he had had a really bad case of flu when his wife was out of town. He said, "Now I know what you mean about being too sick to go to the doctor". Sometimes when we feel at our very worst, it seems an insurmountable task to go in; especially, for a stubborn soul like your hubby. Good luck!
Old 01-14-2017, 10:41 PM
Location: Silicon Valley
18,081 posts, read 22,924,480 times
Reputation: 35201
Well, I would have handed him the cell phone and told him I'm taking off for a few days. And let him know that if he changes his mind about going to the doctor, he can call me to pick him up out front of the house.

Sounds like he runs you ragged and you baby him. You might want to try an ultimatum instead of begging him.

But, this is why I'm no longer married LOL. I am more the ultimatum type.
Old 01-14-2017, 11:01 PM
5,424 posts, read 3,442,945 times
Reputation: 13693
Of the less urgent diagnoses, it could be gout or arthritis. (osteoarthritis) I had a similar gout attack along with always present arthritis (with same symptoms as your husband) for 5 weeks this Dec & Jan.

Of the more urgent diagnoses, if the skin is red, swollen, and warm or hot, it could DVT (google it), a thrombosis blood clot which can move from the leg to the lung.

Or of the more urgent diagnoses, is cellulitis which is an infection, often in the leg - which requires antibiotics. Leg would be reddish, swollen, warm.

Another diagnosis could be poor circulation in the leg -which can cause swelling and lack of ability to move easily.

(I have three of the above diagnoses so I know the symptoms! plus I've had cellulitis in the leg)

Last edited by matisse12; 01-14-2017 at 11:40 PM..
Old 01-14-2017, 11:13 PM
Location: SoCal
13,191 posts, read 6,308,074 times
Reputation: 9810
I think you tip toe around your husband. I have a husband who doesn't like to see a doctor too, but if he is sick he'd better listen to me and he does when he is sick, otherwise he gets the boot. My husband listens to my kids too, good thing. But I don't to sneak around him to talk to my kids either.
Old 01-15-2017, 05:34 AM
6,306 posts, read 5,046,206 times
Reputation: 12810
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
Well, I would have handed him the cell phone and told him I'm taking off for a few days. And let him know that if he changes his mind about going to the doctor, he can call me to pick him up out front of the house.

Sounds like he runs you ragged and you baby him. You might want to try an ultimatum instead of begging him.

But, this is why I'm no longer married LOL. I am more the ultimatum type.
That would have been my second round of advise. You do what you can but once they start acting like that, walk out the door, saying, " Hope, you get better, see ya
Old 01-15-2017, 07:20 AM
Location: SW Florida
10,279 posts, read 4,856,239 times
Reputation: 21666
Originally Posted by in_newengland View Post
I'm in search of some well seasoned advice by people with experience.

My husband is mid 70s, not on any medications, no diagnosed health issues but I think he needs to see his doctor. He's usually very outgoing and funny. He loves to walk the dog. For the past few days all he's done is complain about pain. The pain makes him grouchy and because of the pain he can't walk the dog. He has always said that his long walks with the dog, that he enjoys so much, are what keep him healthy.

He's saying this is an old rugby injury that happened when someone kicked him in the knee. Usually it's the other knee (that was badly damaged in a bicycle accident when he was a kid.) That knee was somehow stitched back together in some kind of experimental surgery that was all they had back then.

But now it's the other knee! And he won't see the doctor. He was in a lot of pain yesterday and by bedtime he asked me for some painkiller. I don't have much but gave him some Tylenol. This morning the dog jumped on the bed and it hit dh on the knee, leaving him writhing in pain. Somehow he made it to the bath tub for his morning soak. Then he hollered to me to help him. Seems that he couldn't bend his knee to get out. By hanging onto me, he got his hand close enough to the grab bar that he could lift himself out and then, leaning on me, we put him back to bed.

His knee is swollen but when I brought ice for it, he let it fall on the floor. We tried again; it fell on the floor. I got the heating pad; when I went back in, it was turned off and unplugged.

Would not eat all day, saying he doesn't feel like eating. This is a man who eats like a horse (thin as a rail though.) Drank 1/2 cup of orange juice and tonight he ate a little bit of dinner. Later he had a glass of milk.

He said the pain went down his leg. Now he's saying the pain is in his foot!

I don't know how to tell what's real and what's fake. He's very stubborn and he does dramatize at times to get attention. I know there's something wrong but he is also giving me a hard time with being uncooperative and with getting mad at me if I suggest the doctor.

Anyone have any experience with this sort of thing? I'm kind of scared. I want him to see the doctor but I don't know what to say to make him go.

Simple - you ask him if he would like to be cremated or buried in a nonchalant way. Ask him about life insurance policies, etc. When he asks you why you want this info tell him you might be needing it in the future since he won't go to the doctor to find out what is wrong with him.
Old 01-15-2017, 08:49 AM
11,262 posts, read 8,417,691 times
Reputation: 20430
Sorry hubby feels bad and I hope he feels better soon (sounds like he's improving!).

I really can't blame him for not wanting to go to the doctor. But for anyone who has joint pain, I strongly recommend the over the counter supplement combo: gloucosomene condroiten (sp). It works for me - I've been taking it for a couple of decades. My dogs take it. My horses took it. When I ran out, the horse could barely walk. I hope he takes vitamin supplements. Even if we tinkle most of them out, the body will use what it needs.

You know ibuprofen is the fluid reducer, right? Sounds like he might have some arthritis going on?

Glad he has you to baby him. Guys...sheesh.
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