U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 01-15-2017, 07:35 PM
 
5,429 posts, read 3,454,205 times
Reputation: 13714

Advertisements

Pain doesn't necessarily go away just because one sees a doctor. And all maladies are not 'taken care of' as in eradicated or made better, just because one sees a doctor.

People have pain for years and decades, after seeing doctors. There are maladies which are not reversible and which cause pain for the rest of one's life. One can become dependent upon opioids to eradicate the pain, or regularly take over-the-counter ibuprofen or what's called Tylenol with Codeine #3 (prescription)

I'm not saying at all that this is the case with the husband in this scenario. I'm just saying that these beliefs thrown around about doctors and cures and fixes and eradications are often not absolute nor curative.

P.S. meo92953, your situation with the stent is a very good point - there is also Peripheral Artery Disease called PAD which negatively affects circulation in the legs.

Last edited by matisse12; 01-15-2017 at 07:57 PM..

 
Old 01-15-2017, 07:46 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,253 posts, read 8,548,360 times
Reputation: 35677
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
Pain doesn't necessarily go away just because one sees a doctor. And all maladies are not 'taken care of' as in eradicated or made better, just because one sees a doctor.

People have pain for years and decades, after seeing doctors. There are maladies which are not reversible and which cause pain for the rest of one's life. One can become dependent upon opioids to eradicate the pain, or regularly take ibuprofen or what's called Tylenol with Codeine #3 (prescription)

I'm not saying at all that this is the case with the husband in this scenario. I'm just saying that these beliefs thrown around about doctors and cures and fixes and eradications are often not absolute nor curative.

P.S. meo92953, your situation with the stent is a very good point - there is also Peripheral Artery Disease called PAD which negatively affects circulation in the legs.
The key is to get DIAGNOSED. Whether or not the pain can be alleviated or the cause cured can ONLY come about once it's known what the issue is. THEN it can be decided what the appropriate action is. It isn't smart to just work through the pain and bury your head in the sand...then pretend when it fades that everything was and is okay. No one has even discussed opioids so let's not get in a tizzy over nothing.
 
Old 01-15-2017, 07:50 PM
 
5,429 posts, read 3,454,205 times
Reputation: 13714
what? there is no 'tizzy' at all over opioids. You are vastly misunderstanding what I am saying, which is very easy to do in this forum. And I'm not saying he should not see a doctor or two or three.

I was saying seeing doctors does not magically eradicate all maladies and cure all pain, in all instances - in response to people giving the impression that seeing doctors automatically cures most all problems and cures all pain. And yes, a diagnosis is needed.

Last edited by matisse12; 01-15-2017 at 08:20 PM..
 
Old 01-15-2017, 08:06 PM
 
3,455 posts, read 2,332,618 times
Reputation: 7004
My husband knows better than to argue with me! But I am a nurse practitioner and he knows I know what I am talking about, even if he doesn't always agree.

Sudden onset of severe pain, swelling in his knee, losing his appetite, pain radiating to the foot, complaining his foot was cold (I think you said that?) -- lots of bad things would be going through my head: septic arthritis (very bad), clot (very bad)... someone mentioned sciatica, but that wouldn't cause the joint to swell, although it does cause radiation of pain.

Tell him you spoke to someone in the medical profession and she said he needs to get his behind to a doctor or urgent care center or ER asap! He needs a diagnosis. It could be something minor; it could be something life-threatening. Does he feel like rolling the dice?
 
Old 01-15-2017, 09:36 PM
 
Location: too far from the sea
19,857 posts, read 18,881,066 times
Reputation: 33788
Well, after a long phone discussion with an old friend and based upon what has been said on here, he is going to the ER tomorrow.

He has readily agreed to go somewhere--he probably thinks it will be the doctor but I know I can't get a same day appointment. He has been able to get back and forth to the bathroom, he's chatting and he's asking for food and cleaning the plate. He even asked for his vitamins. He gets his candy bar tomorrow AFTER we get back!

I truly appreciate all the help. I think if I present some of the possible diagnoses to him it may shake him up a little more and he may see how urgent this is (will use it as extra ammunition if needed.) I've taken notes and put them into a document and printed it out so that I can keep track of everything.

If I haven't repped or individually thanked you, it's only because I've run out of rep points.

I hope no one minds if I close this thread, at least for now. It's late here and I need to get a good night's sleep to be prepared for tomorrow. I will feel more at peace for some reason with the thread closed. Thanks again!
__________________
my posts as moderator will be in red. Moderator: Health&Wellness~Genealogy. The Rules--read here>>> TOS. If someone attacks you, do not reply. Hit REPORT.
 
Old 01-16-2017, 05:22 PM
 
Location: too far from the sea
19,857 posts, read 18,881,066 times
Reputation: 33788
Update. This afternoon he finally allowed me to take him to the ER. He was all chatty and witty and cute with the nurses but one nurse had him all figured out. She lectured him, told him he was not being cooperative and was not easy to take care of.

The diagnosis is just tendonitis of the achilles tendon. He's supposed to keep all pressure off his leg, stay in bed, use ice. She suggested a cane so he can get better faster---NO! A special boot so that he can get better faster--NO!. Yet he sat there in the chair whining about how much it hurt.

I asked him if he'd like a wheelchair to get back to the car (since she had told him not to walk and he was complaining that walking from the car had made it hurt so much) and he called me a name that I will not repeat.

So I drove home and dropped him off. Went out and got something to eat. Didn't bring him anything. Got home and he had the nerve to ask me if I was going to go and get his prescription filled! I said, "if someone swore at you and treated you the way you're treating me, would you get their prescription for them?"

So...he then drove to the drugstore himself, got his prescription, brought me cupcakes, and said he was sorry. He is not sorry. Tomorrow or the day after, I am leaving to go visit a friend for a few days. Since he is just fine walking around, I assume he can take care of himself! He has the nurse's instructions on how to ice his leg, not walk, etc.

BTW, the psychology that worked on this crabby man was social pressure. I guess there is no one answer because everyone is different. But he is extroverted and loves being the center of attention where everyone likes him so when I told him I had ratted him out to his son and his friend and that they had said he'd better go to the dr, that's what did the trick. No other strategy worked.

It it had been me, all I would have needed to hear was, "I love you, let's get you to the dr."

For someone else it might have been using the sense of reason: "Let's just find out what this is and then we won't have to worry. We'll know what to do."

So maybe this can be a warning. If someone you care about needs medical help, make sure you know how to convince them to see someone. Most people will ask you for help but some are too proud and stubborn to accept help even when offered.
__________________
my posts as moderator will be in red. Moderator: Health&Wellness~Genealogy. The Rules--read here>>> TOS. If someone attacks you, do not reply. Hit REPORT.
 
Old 01-16-2017, 06:15 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,253 posts, read 8,548,360 times
Reputation: 35677
Quote:
Originally Posted by in_newengland View Post
Update. This afternoon he finally allowed me to take him to the ER. He was all chatty and witty and cute with the nurses but one nurse had him all figured out. She lectured him, told him he was not being cooperative and was not easy to take care of.

The diagnosis is just tendonitis of the achilles tendon. He's supposed to keep all pressure off his leg, stay in bed, use ice. She suggested a cane so he can get better faster---NO! A special boot so that he can get better faster--NO!. Yet he sat there in the chair whining about how much it hurt.

I asked him if he'd like a wheelchair to get back to the car (since she had told him not to walk and he was complaining that walking from the car had made it hurt so much) and he called me a name that I will not repeat.

So I drove home and dropped him off. Went out and got something to eat. Didn't bring him anything. Got home and he had the nerve to ask me if I was going to go and get his prescription filled! I said, "if someone swore at you and treated you the way you're treating me, would you get their prescription for them?"

So...he then drove to the drugstore himself, got his prescription, brought me cupcakes, and said he was sorry. He is not sorry. Tomorrow or the day after, I am leaving to go visit a friend for a few days. Since he is just fine walking around, I assume he can take care of himself! He has the nurse's instructions on how to ice his leg, not walk, etc.

BTW, the psychology that worked on this crabby man was social pressure. I guess there is no one answer because everyone is different. But he is extroverted and loves being the center of attention where everyone likes him so when I told him I had ratted him out to his son and his friend and that they had said he'd better go to the dr, that's what did the trick. No other strategy worked.

It it had been me, all I would have needed to hear was, "I love you, let's get you to the dr."

For someone else it might have been using the sense of reason: "Let's just find out what this is and then we won't have to worry. We'll know what to do."

So maybe this can be a warning. If someone you care about needs medical help, make sure you know how to convince them to see someone. Most people will ask you for help but some are too proud and stubborn to accept help even when offered.
Are you so sure "social pressure" will help next time? Even if it got him to go (actually just to go with YOU because you did all the work making the appt. and transporting him) it did nothing in terms of him doing even the minimum to get himself recovered! He not only remains uncooperative but he called you a nasty name!

I'm sorry, but that is inexcusable, especially since there was a problem - not as severe as it could have been but certainly not nothing. And he could be making it worse by not following advice. I think you're right to not coddle him any longer...think though about all the future health events that you KNOW will be happening in the coming years. It is one thing to be reticent to go to the doctor but to actively fight you for days despite much pain and to call you names and then not do what he should to recover?

You are in for a lot of work...that you are just now beginning to get a taste of. You would be wise to lay out for him exactly what you are and are not willing to do in the future.
 
Old 01-16-2017, 06:17 PM
 
3,455 posts, read 2,332,618 times
Reputation: 7004
Very, very glad it was something "benign" like tendonitis. (NOT benign-feeling to your husband, I am sure!) I agree that you have to know the psychology of the person to present your argument for getting medical care. My husband is the type who does not care what "they" think of him. But if I get on his case and tell him what I think, then that's what works. Kinda crazy that we have to be amateur shrinks, but whatever it takes. Hopefully, he will be feeling better soon. Achilles tendons can take some time to feel better, though.
 
Old 01-16-2017, 06:32 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,252 posts, read 6,345,210 times
Reputation: 9873
He sounds like work and I bet not just because he sick or in pain. Sound like he's been like that for a while now. Doesnt sound very British to me? Aren't they suppose to be polite and well mannered ? Calling you name? Goodness.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top